DEEP Question…”I’m More Delighted When White Men Approach…”

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Why We Feel Guilty… Or, at least, Why I Feel Guilty: More than anything, I feel uncomfortable admitting (embarrassed, maybe) that I am more delighted when I grab the attention of a white man than I do about getting attention from the brothers. I suppose I EXPECT the brothers to see something in me because I feel they SHOULD have more insight about my plight, my hair texture, my skin tone, my (non-angry BW) swagger, what I’ve had to go through for my accomplishments in this region of the country… etc. So, I feel they SHOULD be checking for a quality woman like me in the BC. When white men express/admit attraction, I sorta dig that/value that more. I suppose it tells me more about who they are as a person than what it says when a black man approaches. And in my heart of hearts, I feel guilty that I react unequally to their attraction AND that if presented with two opportunities (one black, the other non-black)… all else being equal, I would choose to the detriment of the BM. My guilt stems from this, which is strictly hypothetical, of course. So now the question is: Isn’t this what they’ve done to us and haven’t we berated them for it? i.e., All things being equal and maybe even the BW being a better catch, they devalue us because it means more to them to have the opportunity to date/love different? My guilt is that maybe I haven’t learned nearly as much as I ought to have learned from this negative experience when I was the one being overlooked, unappreciated, and under-valued. Help me deal with these attacks of conscience. Have you ever felt that way?

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