Black Women's Improvement Project (BWIP)

Do You Know the Difference Between Charm and Flirting?

Read this part and then you can skip the whole n’other part:

Charm = Making everyone feel important

Flirting = Making the opposite sex feel important

We’ve been talking about flirting, smiling, wearing “I’M DOWN WITH THE SWIRL!” shirts ad infinitum, but being generally charming? Notsomuch.

But we should, because in addition to that guy looking at you, he’s probably peeping out how you treat the folks around you. If you’re smiling and cooing at the cute rainbeau at Waffle House but treat the big-haired, bleached blond waitress like she’s beneath you by saying something like, “You old hag! I said I wanted Belgium waffles, not pancakes!! Doesn’t that sign outside say ‘Waffle House?!’ And, what’s this? Baaaa-con? Oh my gawd! My whole plate is tainted–take this back to the chef immediately!”

And then when she leaves with her face all smeared with mascara because you just whooped her ass with your mouth, you’re all sunshine and roses again. Unless the guy is a masochist, he’s just gonna keep sitting on his hands and let you eat your non-pork sausages in peace for fear he may leave the restaurant with only half his man-parts.

Back before I stayed home to raise 50-11 kids, I’d do the lunch thing with a co-worker who became a kinda-friend. We’d go to lunch. But I just COULD NOT, with the way she treated waiters like “the help.” She just made me want to crawl underneath the table, under the floor tiles, and dig all the way to China.

I’m skimming through Dr. Joy Browne, PhD’s “Dating for Dummies,” and she gives a pretty clear checklist of what charm is and what it looks like. Some of this stuff is obvious, but it doesn’t hurt to brush up:

–Charm has to be sincere. Charm is more potent when you believe what you hear.

–Charm must include eye contact. If you’re good at eye contact and vocal warmth, it’s almost impossible to lay it on too thick.

–Compliment people. Think about what is said to you that makes you feel good, then use that as a template.

Charm isn’t sexual. It’s just warmth. Rinse, and repeat.

–Don’t have an agenda. Just be nice.

You know what happens when you show yourself friendly and charming to others? Men of all shades of the rainbeau feel more confident in approaching you, because there’s less fear that you’ll be like the patron nazi at the Waffle House.

Charming can lead to flirting, and flirting can lead to a date. #Justsayin.


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