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EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part 11 – The “three finger, three second” relationships rule

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Now that I am becoming SO experienced in relationship matters (quit rolling your eyes, that was said “tongue-in-cheek”)….  I want to share my rule that I call the “three fingers, three second” rule that applies for anyone involved in a relationship.  Then I want everyone to chime in with their implementation of this rule.

OK, everyone in a relationship has every right to expect total commitment from their man or their lady…. From their Boo…  That person is the exclusive “apple of your eye” and you would leave them for no other nor even look at a member of the opposite sex.  Together…. Committed… Forever…. Exclusive…. EXCEPT for….. the “Three finger, three second” rule.  Look, we all have that one perfect unreachable fantasy idol that we desire (and have for even longer than we have been with our “other”).  We also look at members of the opposite sex – we ARE human – that catch our eye.  Can’t battle Mother Nature.  So where does “Acceptable” turn into “Unacceptable”.  How many fantasy “I could hook up with that celebrity” dreams can you have and still be OK with your guy or your lady?  How LONG can you admire someone of the opposite sex without it turning into leering, or flirting, or disrespect to your “other”….. before you get a get some form of correction from your Boo?  Ahhhhh….. the (soon to be) famous “Three finger, three second” rule.

You are allowed to have three – and only three – folks that you can acceptably leave your “other” for.  Hence the three fingers.  Not three sets of three on a rotating basis (that makes NINE….), not 4 because you can’t decide, not three categories of people (three athletes, three actors or actresses, three models, etc).  Not her sister, his cousin, her bestie, his mama, her Ex.  These three are almost certainly unreachable folks, unless Beyonce is tired of Jay Z, reads BB&W, and is so impressed with my writing that she just wants to meet me.  Three.  If by some miracle it happens and your other gets hooked up with one of those three, you willingly let them go.  Oh, and they get to pick their own three, I have learned.  Quick story without getting too sidetracked.  I tried to help Bee out and assigned Calvin Johnson to her as one of her three fingers (you know, Megatron?  Star Receiver for the Detroit Lions?  Best in the NFL at that position?) and not only did she NOT know who he was…. Geez….. but I admit that my own motivation was that if she left me for him, at least I could get free Lions tickets out of the deal.  Anyway, I digress.  Only three.  I was disappointed that she is struggling with the math of this because she does seem to have 3 sets of three that she wants to rotate (again…. Ah.. that is NINE).  No, that does not work.  If this is the week for A, B, and C and D runs into her in the store and is swept away by her, what is going to happen?  She will claim it is D,E,F week.  Not.going.to.happen.  OK, so let me share my three and I eagerly await the chance to read yours.  Mine are – Gladys Knight.  69?  Who cares, she looks great.  Still has and runs her chain of Chicken and Waffles places in Atlanta and I LOVE to eat… way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  I still melt when I hear “Midnight Train to Georgia”…. Karaoke anyone?  You can sing her part and I will do the Pips.  And my girl Gladys lived in Detroit.  Next…. Beyonce.  Beautiful.  Talented. Enough said.  Hey…. I LOVE kids and hers is adorable.  I am so much better for her than Jay Z.   Finally… Queen Latifah.  Also beautiful and talented.  Seems to have a wonderful sense of humor (of course, that could all be scripted) and seems very real.  Her look…. I am just attracted.  Yeah, she probably wouldn’t want me but still one of my three.  So, folks, who are your three?  Spill it…. Share…. This whole concept is based on sharing anyway, isn’t it?

I bet you thought I forgot the “Three second” part of the rule.  This one is simple.  You are certainly allowed to look at someone of the opposite sex…. Even admiringly … for Three seconds.  Only Three seconds.  No more.  Heck, in flirting when you catch  someone’s eye for more than three seconds, it means what?  Interested.  So if you are just looking, three seconds is the max.  Heaven help you if your eyes are locked for 3.1 seconds.  When I am looking, I can just feel (without seeing it) Bee’s hand start to wind up for a firm but loving “enough already” smack on my butt…. Or on my arm…. Or about to grab my ear….  At 2.9 seconds she is prepared.  Hey, baby, I get it.  3.0 and my head is turned back to you or the road or whatever else I am supposed to me looking at.  And fair is fair and this works both ways.  Just don’t give that guy one of your sweet smiles when you look at him.  No sparking eyes.  Don’t nod your head at him.  Close that car window.  Don’t acknowledge him… geez.

This relationship stuff is tough….

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