Should You End Your Interracial Relationship Because of the Events in Ferguson?

I received this question from a woman today, clearly torn about recent events, and unsure if she should continue her interracial relationship.

I am in the “beginnings” of dating a white Swedish American guy. After the Ferguson decision, I was heartbroken and I expressed that to him. I asked him tonight to tell me his thoughts on the Ferguson matter which I hate to say Ferguson matter cuz it affects us all over. Anyhow, he stated that Mike Brown was a bully who robbed a store and went further to cite Pharrell Williams who made a comment on that was not seen positively by many blacks including myself. Anyhow, after he expressed his thoughts briefly, it hit my gut. I felt the wind taken out of me. Is this what he believes? I can’t possibly think of him as a future partner …in all facets of life …when he actually thinks this. I was silent and he noticed it immediately and he asked my thoughts and he kept nicely asking my thoughts. I eventually surrendered and mentioned that if I have children, I just have to make sure to teach them about the realities of life cuz we live in parallel universes. He didn’t quite understand and again asked me to elaborate. I simply could not. I just felt it was too much and I was still basically trying to process what he said and his way of thinking. Again he kept asking. Eventually the conversation quietly ended. I’m trying to process on how to ‘process’ this. Sounds odd. Do I speak with him? Do I “educate”?…again…do I ignore? Do i continue to date him? can i handle the possibility that he may never understand my experiences and thoughts and how it affects my view of the world and how i live life…etc.

This inspired a guide of sorts on how to navigate such emotional waters. Some of it is here…

I think that when events like Ferguson happen, both races need to ACKNOWLEDGE CERTAIN TRUTHS. I think much of the frustration comes from each party so INVESTED in their own emotions that neither wants to acknowledge these truths.

  • Non-black men involved in interracial relationships, you have to ACKNOWLEDGE that racism in this country still exists, even if you yourself do not endorse or engage in such bigotry and discrimination. We are a country founded upon a RACIAL HIERARCHY, which was used to justify slavery and subsequent injustices like segregation. The people who encouraged, accepted and perpetuated such injustices are not all dead. In many parts of the country, *some* white people yearn for the old days when everything was separate and vastly unequal.
  • Non-black men, you have to acknowledge that when events of perceived injustice based on racial lines and racial hierarchy is extremely painful, and leads many of us to feel powerless in the world in which we live. Many of us go into utter despair. And when you visibly see your partner in despair, it is not the time to apply your logic and rationalism. It is a time for you to hold her in your arms and sooth her through her pain until she is capable of having a rational conversation.
  • When emotions are raw, it’s best to observe and acknowledge the pain the other person feels. Acknowledging a person’s feelings doesn’t mean you have to 100% agree. It just means that you care enough about the person in front of you to listen and give emotional support.
  • Please acknowledge that there is a segment of police who are complete sociopathic and power hungry. If they didn’t pass the police exam, they probably would have been in the mob or a street gang. While a police force is necessary to prevent anarchy, understand that not every person who enters such a vocation does it to “serve and protect.” Some do it to “maim and exploit.” And many victims of such abuse are minorities. Yours Truly was a recipient of such an abuse of power, and I have never broken the law, nor have a police record.
  • Because we live in a country with a racial hierarchy, understand that issues related to your partner AFFECT YOU TOO. If you have children, you need to know that your children may be negatively impacted by those who adhere to the hierarchy. You’ll have to acknowledge police misconduct so that you can protect your progeny.

Now black women involved with non-black men, you need to ACKNOWLEDGE certain truths as well. CONTINUED ON THE FORUM HEREinterracial couple argue.

 *Because of the sensitive nature of these events, we are keeping the comments here closed. There are haters who wish to use what happened in Ferguson as a reason black women shouldn’t be dating interracially. It is our attempt at troll population control.*

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