Fear of Social Consequences Squelches Relationship Before It Starts. What Do You Do?

I just saw this response from a guy who commented on this post, and I thought it warranted a separate discussion:

Sounds like this guy has some pretty serious issues. However, this is pretty typical of my experience with Black men when I dated a Black woman. Black guys constantly giving us looks, constantly going up to my girlfriend saying “what are you doing with that cracker? You need a real black man to satisfy you”, trying to flirt with her in front of me. It happened on a near daily basis. My parents really liked her, her mother was accepting of us but her father was very against the relationship, extremely negative actually. He told her, “why can’t you find a decent black man instead of this pecker-wood” and that she better watch out because I was only after sex. This was after her two previous BM partners physically abused her. He’d refer to me as the “white boy” in front of her (I did call him out on it once and he never said it to me again). The pressure from her father and strangers on the street got that bad that we ended up calling it quits. Although we really liked each-other and had really good chemistry, she could not take the pressure. It was hard for both of us to let go.

I tend to find BM very insecure and selfish and lash out at black women to cover their own failures in life. It’s okay to go out and date white women but as soon as a sista wants a white guy, it’s like the world is coming to an end and it must be stopped, heaven forbid some other sistas might want to do the same. I think, despite appearances many BM are scared of white men. Terrified in many ways.

A couple of White women also made snide remarks to me and giving me strange looks, one woman calling me a “race traitor” under her breath when I was out with my girlfriend at a restaurant. My gf didn’t hear it but I did. So some white women can be just as bad.

That quote right there pretty much encapsulates the reason why I maintain this blog. The social consequences for black women who date outside and (to a lesser degree) white men who date them is more of a concern than people want to admit to. In this case, the social pressure was so great that the relationship ended. But why did it end? It looks like both people lacked support. As I’ve mentioned over and over, it’s ESSENTIAL for interracial couples to create a circle of support–friends and relatives on and offline, whom they can tap into for advice and camaraderie.

It makes me sad…how many meaningful relationships have been killed by bigoted outsiders? Too many to think about.

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