Halle Berry Rumored Split Leads Me to Ask, “At What Point is Problem Really YOU?”

Apologies in advance to #TeamHalle stans, but I’m scratching my head about the news that Halle Berry might be splitting from yet another partner, making this her third divorce and 50-11th failed relationship.

Are Halle Berry, 47, and Olivier Martinez, 48, going down a rocky path? The couple, who haven’t been spotted together since Dec. 7, are reportedly living separate lives due to their super busy work schedules.

The couple, who had their first child together, Maceo, in October, were last seen together at the Pantages Theater in Hollywood, Calif. for a viewing of “The Lion King. Maceo is Halle’s second child — her daughter Nahla, 6, is from her relationship with Gabriel Aubry.

So what might be wrong with Ms. Halle? Charley Emery, radio personality and author of the hilariously dubbed, Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass pulls no punches.

The common denominator in all of this is HALLE. We all know that we can get stuck in patterns, however when the men you choose seem to only engage the same alleged behavior with only you… there’s something else going on.

Halle has already shown through her interviews as well as her acting that she has a propensity and attraction toward being the victim. her performances on screen are best when she plays a vulnerable character and her history off screen is that she’s always a victim of a man in some way… do you see the connection revealing itself?

In my book Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass, I take a savvy business approach to attracting new relationships that focuses on what it takes to successfully position yourself from the inside out AND how to assess where you’ve been and why so you can gain the vital insight about yourself that’s necessary to breaking those damaging relationship patterns.

What Halle needs along with those you are referring to is to be honest. The truth will set you free and when you blame others instead of examining your role, you are the one that loses.


Speaking of patterns…

If the same scenario happens three times, it’s a pattern. The first time it  happens, you notice it. The second time it happens, you take note, “this has  happened before,” with an inkling that you may be part of the problem. Third  time, it’s a pattern. Once it’s a pattern, and in order to break the pattern,  it’s necessary to look in the mirror to see how you’re part of the problem, says Sharon M. Rivkin, MA, MFT, also known as the “last ditch effort therapist,” Sharon M. Rivkin, therapist and  conflict resolution/affairs expert, is the author of Breaking the Argument  Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy.

Honestly I hope with all my being that it’s not true. I’m a sucker for my sisters (hey! she’s half my sis)…I want them to find love and keep it.

BUT! If the rumors are true, at some point you have to acknowledge the problems that have been following you around in all your relationships…YOU.

From Dr. Daniel Watter, Clinical Psychologist specializing in the treatment of individuals and couples experiencing relationship and sexual problems

Relationships can end for many reasons.  Certainly, if one has a history of several relationships not working out, he/she would be well advised to look to see if there is a pattern that would shed insight into the reason(s) for this difficulty.  While there is no “one” type of pattern, there are a few that are rather common.  A person may have a history of failed relationships due to their own fears of intimacy.  Intimacy fears are often related to fears of abandonment/rejection, or fears of loss of autonomy.  Those who may have backgrounds that include either early  loss or rejection by a significant figure in their life, or a smothering or distancing parent may avoid intimacy due to unconscious fears of re-experiencing such circumstances.  As a result, they often unwittingly run from close relationships.  Alternatively, those who may come from dysfunctional/chaotic backgrounds may find themselves unconsciously attracted to partners who will help them create the environment that is familiar, and therefore, “comfortable” for them.

Advice on how to dump the baggage from one relationship and start the healing from  George Moufarrej, author of Sexual Euphoria

The way to deal with emotional baggage is for a person to confront them head on.  He could do so by remembering the good times and bad times in the old relationships, and why they ended.  Then he could cry about them as much as needed until he gets the sadness out of his system.  Usually three days to a week should be enough.  Then a person should decide that the old relationships are of the past, and the feelings they caused in him they are of the past.  He should resolve that from now on he will not experience any of the negative emotions that they caused him in the past.   Then he should move past his old hurts and attain relationship happiness that he is seeking.   Any time a negative thought or feeling from an old relationship comes up a person should change it by having positive thoughts and positive feelings about his current romantic relationship.  By a person having a positive state of mind his new relationship will flourish and be extremely pleasurable.

And finally, if you recognize yourself, here’s some step to healing from Maureen Clancy, MSW, LCSW

Some questions to ask yourself in the post-mortem:

What patterns, if any, do I notice that connects the ending of this relationships with past relationships? Did I communicate my needs clearly, without playing games such as hoping the other person would guess what I needed?

Did I take responsibility for my own feelings, without blaming the other person for causing them or changing them?

Did I see my ex as she or he was, not what I wanted she or he to be?

Did I play out any of the conflicts I have with my Mom or Dad in this relationship?

Coming to terms with the ending can be done on your own, talking with trusted friends or hiring a therapist to help you sort through what happened. Taking stock and committing to change can not only help with future relationships, but make your present life better.

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