Written by Nicole J.

Since the dawn of time, women have received unwanted advances from men. In days of old, the tried and true line “I have a boyfriend/husband” would be used and that was the end of it. Even “I’m a lesbian” has lost its utility, as now men think that’s an invitation to “change your mind”. I’ve even seen/heard women wear fake engagement rings to help legitimize their rejection campaign. Even though you might be single and ready to mingle, not every man that comes your way is worth entertaining.

Unfortunately, according to some men, “no” can be left to interpretation. No can mean try harder, or, at its worst, it could mean you are fair game for violence, often without any repercussions for the perpetrator. There is a reason that the quote “Men fear women will laugh at them, women fear men will kill them” exists.

Pictured: Somebody’s son justifying attempted murder for turning down a man (with a dash of misogyny on the side)

We ladies are therefore left to be creative with our rebuffs, so that we both politely spurn or redirect the advances and not become a victim, either. Here are some potentially creative ways to turn down unwanted attention.

• I’m looking for a man who will pay all my bills.

  I don’t take credit for this one; I saw it on a meme that inspired this whole blog. This line is great because it sniffs out broke dudes (who should be automatically excluded from your dating pool). If he calls you a gold digger, just shrug and say Kanye made one good song.

• My mom said I can’t date anybody right now.

  If you’re not feeling the vibe of your persistent suitor, try this line. You could swap “mom” out for dad or even probation officer, depending on your mood.

• Great! I’ll call my wedding venue and let them know I finally got a man!

  For most people, male or female, bringing up nuptials within minutes of first meeting can be a major turnoff. Employ this tactic when your “suitor” is especially sleazy.

• My [insert pet of choice here] have to meet you first.

  This line requires a little planning to pull off well. Keep some photos of LOTS of cats, dogs, hamsters, snakes, whatever you fancy on your phone, and collate them into an album for this purpose. Fully embrace all the crazy cat lady tropes you see on TV if it means being left in peace while you have an otherwise good time.

• That’s perfect, I was looking for somewhere I could stay until the [insert insect here] died.

  This line is for someone who isn’t afraid to enact a scorched earth policy. For this one, you can get creative: bedbugs, ants, roaches, whatever. This line does not portray you in a good light, so only use this as a nuclear option.

If all else fails, you can just say you’re big into pegging and can’t wait to try out a new toy you just purchased (along with photographic evidence on your phone, of course). That might do it.

No matter how you say no, make sure that you are safe, with reliable friends, or have a personal safety device ready to be used. How do you rebuff unwelcome male attention? Share your tips in the comments below!