Got this note this morning:
Hi, my name is Gary, and I would like to say first that I find your advice to be very helpful. I am 22 and my fiance Tunisha Brown just turned 21 we’ve been together going on four years this month, we plan to get married next year some time after we get more financially stable. We haven’t always gotten the best criticism from people, the majority black males because they look down at me for being white and like to think i don’t deserve her because they believe I can’t handle her or she is to good for me. Being in Memphis there are quiet a few interracial couples of all kinds but there still seems to be a lot of hate from different areas. Anytime we go out and around we have to be more careful than most because people take me to be weaker than what I actually am because of me being white and are bold enough to say something to my fiance right in front of me. We do a good job at ignoring as much as we can but I was wanting to know what advice could you give us on the situation and about our marriage in the near future. Thank you for any advice you can give.
Hi Gary. I’m posting this on the blog so that other couples can contribute and give you advice on how to handle this, but first here’s my take. I wrote a book called “Swirling,” and in one of the chapters, “Love is Blind, But Those People Starting at You Can See Just Fine,” I discuss how to deal with these issues at length. It’s unfortunate that I have to say this, but from my own experience and that of many others, interracial couples comprised of black women and white men are vulnerable to verbal taunts and to a lesser degree, physical harm when around blacks, who feel like they have a right to dictate the romantic partners of black women. I know there’s going to be people who give me heat for this, but a simple search in the category “Swirling Relationships” or “What the Cuss” categories and you’ll see the news stories we’ve reported where these couples have been harassed. However, that’s not to say that hateful white people won’t have a problem, and might openly taunt and challenge you, the man, into some altercation while degrading your fiancé. When it comes to physical safety, there is little room for political correctness.
So here’s some tips:
Now I’ll open up the floor to our very wise and erudite BB&W crew. Stay encouraged, and know that here at BB&W, you will ALWAYS find a vast “circle of support” made up of about 150,000 people just like you.