People have asked me to comment on the recent announcement that Keisha Knight Pulliam’s divorce from NFL player, Ed Hartnell. The video of her crying about the loss of the relationship on Entertainment Tonight was heartbreaking.
I can’t even imagine going through a pregnancy completely alone, and have the father totally NOT excited about the birth of his daughter. Personally I think leaving your wife when she’s seven months pregnant is a punk ass move, whether or not you love your wife. The concern of the well-being of the mother while she is carrying YOUR CHILD should trump whatever misgivings you might have had about not wanting children and all the other blah-dee-blah you were spitting, Ed. The concern for the safe and healthy delivery of YOUR CHILD should be your concern, and implying that your wife was a cheating whore is beyond the pale! Take a look at what this reprobate said about the split and his “concern” over the paternity of Keisha’s baby:
If you listen to his commentary though, you can see there were several red flags that Keisha should have picked up on. First; he cheated early in the marriage. A marriage that just happened this past January. Second; Keisha seemed pretty desperate to have a child. And at 37, most women can understand why that was the case. Third; Ed “says” he expressed buyer’s remorse about the quickie marriage, and that they should reevaluate. All are pretty high flying red flags.
However, and this is conjecture I’ll admit, because I was not in Keisha and Ed’s bedroom. But from the outside looking in, it seems like Keisha feel victim to the desperation that many, many black women feel to snatch the often and ever elusive ‘black love’ Cinderella story that’s sold to little black girls.
We’re taught that there is no purer love than a black man and a black woman in holy matrimony, and anything different is a failure–for black women only though. The drive is so strong that we often ignore signs along the way and put up with mistreatment and disrespect. And often we’ll get left to raise our children alone, and be BLAMED for “not choosing better.”
But how can you “choose better” when your male counterpart often has goal diametrically opposed to yours? You’re looking for a husband, father of your child, and a person you can build wealth with when you’re in your late 20’s, and your black male counterpart is still catching all the departures for the Freak Train. You’re faithfully dating black men only while he’s tasting the rainbow. You compete, fight over, share, and settle for scraps all in the name of achieving your personal Cinderella story and lose your dignity and self respect in the process.
And how could this be avoided? A savvy woman will take a page right out of the black man’s playbook and open her options to whatever race that shows interest, respect and potential based not on melanin, but matching values about the things that really matter.
I swear, every single woman who lives in Atlanta needs to be my book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate & Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. It seems like an essential public service at this point. Jesus be a dating coach.