I know I’ve threatened to quit online dating before, but this time, for realsies, I’m done with it.
I’ve tried Plenty of Fish, Match.com, Chemistry.com, InterracialMatch.com, Howaboutwe.com, and currently I’m on OKCupid. All of them have produced the same results: nada. I won’t argue that internet dating works great for some people. I’ve told you how my single, black female friend from Baltimore found her white, Canadian husband on Chemstry.com in a matter of weeks. My last serious relationship was with someone I met on Yahoo Personals before Match.com bought them out. (Yeah, that’s how long it’s been.) So, kudos to love in the age of technology, all the same, I’m done with it. I was going to quit about a month ago, but I accidentally let my OKCupid membership renew for another three months and there was no point in wasting the investment. I was in the middle of chatting with anyway, so I figured I’d give it one last shot.
Guy#1 lived in New Jersey. (Is it so wrong that I don’t want to date anyone in Jersey because I don’t want to pay the toll? It’s like paying a $5 date tax each time I cross the bridge.) He contacted me for the first time just before I left for my summer job around May. I had immediately discounted him as a possibility as soon as I read that he’d ideally like to have sex multiple times every single day. When I called him out on this proposal he conveyed that he was fine abstaining from sex if he had to but he had yet to find a sexual partner that satisfy his libido. I thought my sex drive was relatively high, or as high is it can be for someone who rarely has sex, but the logistics just boggled my mind. I mean didn’t this guy have shit to do?!!
He was persistent though and I have to admit that curiosity got the better of me. In August I agreed to meet him for a drink at a wine bar in Center City. Meeting an OKCupid date on a weekday after work is my modus operandi. It provides me the option to extend the date or cut out early depending on how the evening goes. If I’m bored or annoyed I’ll finish my drink and go home. If I’m having a great time, I’ll order some dinner, another glass of wine and keep on talking.
For some reason, although he finished work at 5:30, he can’t get to Philadelphia until 7:45. He arrives looking like a roadie from a 1980s Hair Band. I don’t remember why he seemed so interesting over email. He’s kind of a homebody, he doesn’t like to travel, (not even over the bridge to Philadelphia apparently) and doesn’t drink or enjoy a wide variety of foods. He makes a couple of fat jokes about Philadelphians that I don’t find very amusing. Who would have guessed this guy was a quasi-sex addict? No sexual magnetism there whatsoever.
Guy #2 was a nonstop complainer. We met for a coffee and a walk through the park with his dog. He complained that the weather was too warm, that his coffee wasn’t sweet enough, that all whoopie pies aren’t created equal, that people who stopped to pet his dog never actually talked to him, and that driving in the city on the weekend was a pain but public transportation was worse. During our entire date he never once removed his sunglasses. Not even when he got a parking ticket. The worst part is I’m sure he’s totally baffled why he’s still single.
Guy #3 was a man of Indian descent who lived in the DC area and came to Philly for work frequently. Not the ideal situation, but he looked almost as beautiful as Sendhil Ramamurthy and seemed pretty well put-together. After a few exchanges, we decide to move off OKCupid and then exchanged emails every day for over a week. At the end of the week he wrote:
“I am not sure this long distance thing is going to work out and I don’t want to waste your time either, I am not ready for committed relationship; let me know what you think.”
Seriously? He’s bailing after just a few emails and before we even meet? Has it really gotten so bad out there that even consistent emailing has become too great of a commitment?
Guy #4, also of Indian descent, (must have been a trend that week) doesn’t make it past the email where he addresses me as “baby.” He has not made any indication that he wants to meet or talk on the phone in over two weeks. When I ask what’s up I get no reply.
Guy #5 apologizes in late November for not getting back to me about setting a date in October even though he first wrote to me in August.
Guy#6 is the worst type of offender. He contacts me first. We exchange a dozen messages in a matter of minutes. We both like ethnic foods, bourbon, and Florida beaches. He has a great since of humor. We plan to meet the following week in Chinatown. The last message I receive from him says, “by the way, you’re very beautiful,” and then . . . POOF! His profile is gone. No good-bye, no explanation, just gone without a trace.
I swear, at this rate I will never run out of material to write about.
In most cases, I only have myself to blame because I stopped vetting properly. I adapted the mindset that since online dating was by far the easiest way to assure at least a surface level mutual attraction. When I approach or try to flirt with men that I find attractive, they either act oblivious no matter how hard I try, or most likely I am simply off their radar. I got to the point whereas any good start was good enough. After all, I was finding a much better choice of men online than the ones that approached me in public. Now I only feel like I’m trapped between a rock and a hard place. The only way to change my mindset and convince myself there are an abundance of men I could meet offline that would find me attractive is to stop online dating for good. I’m still open to connecting through other forms of social media, like Meetups, forums and Facebook groups. Otherwise, all manner of websites designed specifically for the purpose of dating are out.
It seems apropos that my OKCupid membership ends on January 28th. I started Leona’s Love Quest in February of 2012 and suspended it in February of 2014. I am anxious to see what happens for me in February 2015.
In other exciting news, Leona’s Love Quest now has its own Facebook Page! Now I can share up to the minute posts with you about my musings on love, dating and relationships. If you’re a fan of my writing please “Like” my page and share it with friends! If one of those people who have been thinking, “That Leona should really write a book,” you’ll be happy to know I started writing one last summer! There is a link on my Facebook page to the latest draft of my first chapter published on wattpad.com. Now, if I could only come up with a happy ending . . .