Letter: White Men are Catching a Clue…

man on phone

We often talk about how some black women feel they need permission to date interracially. Preconceived notions, stereotypes and personal agendas often work to keep a wedge between black women exploring all their options. But you know what? This challenge goes both ways. Many non-black men have discounted black women as viable options early on because of the reasons I described above.

That’s why I work really hard to be Google-able. Men are coming to me from nowhere to share their feelings about the possibility of dating black women. Here’s one I just got…

   Christelyn hats off to you for starting this website to encourage BW to explore their options when it comes to romance and much more. I have always found BW very attractive BUT I only dated one and that was 10+ years ago, before I began hearing all the negative stereotypes about BW and how closed they are to IRR, so I began to ignore them because what point is it to talk/flirt with someone who’s already closed minded towards you.
   You made an excellent point about how Chris Rock and other famous male black celebrities and the BC in general have done a huge disservice to all BW by making it loud and clear that BW are not open to IRR and hate WM with a passion and wouldn’t date them even if you paid them.  The reason most WM ignore BW is because we don’t think were an option for ya’ll BW and when BW have those mean nasty miserable looks on their faces it makes you so unapproachable because that’s nothing BUT negative body language.
I think BW just need to work on making themselves more approachable and it all starts with your facial expressions, carrying a frown grizzled look on your face while out in public will get you no where with classy men, put a smile on that face and don’t be afraid to say hello. You ladies will not have to do the pursing BUT at least give us WM some indication that your open to IR dating/relationships because most of us WM don’t think your open to us at all when it comes to dating/relationships/marriage, and that’s why you see going after the AW(Asian women)
What struck out for me is the idea that, in addition to certain characters that want to keep black women in their place, many of us are not well school in “come hither” body language. I understand the reasons–smiling like you’re a happy person can get you raped in some places in the hood. The “mean mug” is often used to communicate, “Don’t even try it, Leroy.”  But if you if you’re looking to cross racial and cultural lines, you’ll have to learn the dance of seduction the men you desire recognize. No one is saying going around with a maniacal grin on your face, so please don’t do that. But try to make an effort to smile more when men and women are talking to you, and exchange a quick smile and a nod when your in the vicinity of a cute guy you’re interested in.
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