Monday-Punday #14

Monday-Punday #14


SirLoin observed, while raking leaves, that a Scottish neighbor–outfitted in kilts and a bagpipe–was blowing the leaves off his lawn with the wind from his pipes. SirLoin said, “I stand corrected … there IS something more annoying than a gas-powered leaf blower!” 


A lovely young woman of Norway,

Hung by her heels in the doorway.

As her husband walked in,

She said with a grin,

“Hey, Sven, I’ve discovered one more way!”


We ate with the duchess at tea

She was as haughty as haughty could be

But her rumblings abdominal

Were simply abominable

And everyone thought it was me

I followed the duchess upstairs

And was quickly seduced on the stair

When the banister broke

I doubled my stroke

And finished her off in midair


Seen on a T-shirt:

Keep clam and proofread.

Her bootlegging was illegal but I loved her still.

iTired – there’s a nap for that.

– – – – – – –

SirLoin knows that English is a Crazy Language (part 1):

Let’s face it … English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But, if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn’t it see crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you can comb through the annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

To be continued … brace yourselves!


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