SirLoin observed, while raking leaves, that a Scottish neighbor–outfitted in kilts and a bagpipe–was blowing the leaves off his lawn with the wind from his pipes. SirLoin said, “I stand corrected … there IS something more annoying than a gas-powered leaf blower!” 

Hung by her heels in the doorway.

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We ate with the duchess at tea

But her rumblings abdominal

I followed the duchess upstairs

And was quickly seduced on the stair

When the banister broke

I doubled my stroke

And finished her off in midair

SirLoin knows that English is a Crazy Language (part 1):

Let’s face it … English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But, if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Doesn’t it see crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you can comb through the annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

To be continued … brace yourselves!