He put a ring on it, Now what? Part 2: The Guys speak

After the overwhelming response from the previous post , I decided to pick the brains of some men and collected their thoughts and feelings about their marriage relationships. Before I share those quotes I want to share some information from a book I used in my research called “For Women only: what you need to know about the inner lives of men” by Shaunti Feldhahn. She conducted a series of surveys asking men about
their private lives. (Don’t worry ladies, this book was published in the last few years, not 1955) She uncovered some very interesting insights. I will share some here. (She interviewed 100 men to collect this data.)

1. When given a choice between being alone and unloved or inadequate and disrespected, 74% would rather be alone and unloved than disrespected.

2. When dealing with a conflict with their wife, 81% felt their wife/significant other did not respect him. Only 19% felt like they did not love them.

3. Several of the men told her how painful it was when their wives criticize them in public.

4. Shaunti’s father said, “The only time a guys guard is completely down is with the women he loves. So she can pierce his heart like no one else.”

5. 78% of the men she surveyed still felt the inner need to provide for their family even if their wife’s income could adequately support the family

6. In regards to sex, 66% of the men she surveyed felt that to be sexually desired and wanted by their wives was as important as sex itself. 74% said they would not feel sexually satisfied if their wives gave them all the sex they wanted but out of obligation and a sense of duty. 77% felt that a healthy sexual relationship with their wives gave them a greater sense of well being and satisfaction with life.

7. In regards to romance, if sex were not involved, 59% of the men surveyed would enjoy a candlelight dinner, a cozy snuggle by the fireplace, or watching the sunset at the beach.

8. Half the men surveyed feared their wives would not like the results of their attempts to be romantic.

Shaunti’s findings were very eye opening and informative, but I find the best information comes from the horses mouth. After conducting a little survey myself, the following quotes came from men I spoke to on the matter:

I do not believe in 50/50 I give 110 % to our marriage I expect her to give 110%-Anonymous

“I remember when I was dating my wife before we married, I brought my favorite beer to her place one weekend and the next time I came over she had that beer chilled in the fridge waiting for me. That attention to the little details of what was important to me I appreciated.” -Anonymous

“Women don’t realize we would do anything for them.”-Anonymous

“One of my former girlfriends liked unique jewelry and pointed out a necklace she liked one time when we were together. I had that necklace made for her and gave it to her as a gift. She spent the whole time criticizing the necklace of how this should have been done and this added. Lack of appreciation is a dealbreaker”.-Anonymous

We have to continuously, date, court and flirt with our wives- T.W.

“The #1 thing that a man needs from his woman is RESPECT” -Anonymous

“When my wife does not take care of herself, I feel like she does not care about us.”-Anonymous

“One of my buddies is married to a woman from an affluent Mexican family. His mother-in-law taught his wife and her sister that they are to always look pretty when their husbands came home from work and to keep a clean home and good food ready. Whenever I go to visit him, she always looks nice.”-Anonymous

“You have to have God between the two of you for it to work. We fail each other without God in the middle.” – D.C.

“If you are a stay at home mom and I provide above and beyond to take good care of you and our family then yes I have the right to expect a cooked meal, clean house, and good loving from you my wife. I love you, I give my all and I expect the same.”- Anonymous

“I loved and supported my ex, but she felt that I should do all the giving and she did not have to reciprocate with respect, appreciation and mutual support. After supporting a one sided relationship for so long it got to be a bit much.”-Anonymous

“Can somebody explain to me why when we are dating you, you wear the hot Victoria Secret lingerie then after we marry, out come the t-shirts and sweatpants or the flannel nightgowns in the name of ‘it’s “comfortable” what happened to our sexy partner?”-Anonymous

“Men are simple, feed us , f*** us and you got us.”-C.B.

“Compromise is important. When I was in a rock band, our wives were complaining that we were not home enough due to rehearsal and gig dates, so we came to a compromise , we gave them 4 days a week and we took three. the four days at home we gave them our full attention; fix things, affection, date night, etc. The three days we practice or have gigs dates to support the family they cannot interfere unless it is an emergency. As a result of this agreement, our wives were happy and we got more done.” -Anonymous

“Some of my buddies at work talk about how things changed once they married their girlfriends. Before they married they had sex several times a week. After they married, they are lucky if they get it once a month. They (wives) enjoyed football with them and other outings, now they can’t stand the sight of sporting events. Their wives are not fun anymore, but they expect to be provided for and romanced. They feel like they have been duped.”- A.T.

“Sex 1-2 times a month is Bulls***, if we are not enjoying sex with our wives several times a month, it is damaging to the relationship. It is not just sex,we need YOU, we need your comfort and affection.”-Anonymous

“A woman is important in a man’s life. In the movie 300, the men in Leonidas’ army, were not allowed to go to battle if they had not known the warmth of a woman.”-Anonymous

“…….don’t come at me about leaving the toilet seat up when I am building shelves, fixing things around the house and giving my all to take care of you and support our family…..” -Anonymous

“So denying their husbands food (sex) and refusing to “cook” for them. Then expecting them to happily starve to death. Then losing their minds when he, after a long period of starvation, goes out and finds someone who will “cook” without complain. Same dynamic as food. Women starve their men and then expect they would die before eating out elsewhere. Pun intended.” -Anonymous

“I would rather mow the lawn during a lightning storm than try to make love to my wife if she only wants to have sex with me out of obligation.”-Anonymous

“Our marriage fell apart when my wife and I stopped making each other a priority. Next time I marry we will “date” each other on a regular basis.”-Anonymous

Some of the most important themes seem to be respect, appreciation, and sex. Although I did not post every comment, the common statement that I heard over and over is that men are very simple creatures and if they are respected and cared for by their wives, they are putty in their hands. Some may not believe it, argue against it and disagree, but I can only tell you what men have said to me themselves. There are always men who buck the trend so to speak who are selfish and think of no one but themselves, (I dated a couple of these, no thank you) but quality men just want to be appreciated and respected which is the equivalent of women being loved and cherished. People use the phrase happy wife, happy life, should it not be happy husband + happy wife equals a happy life? I have been told it is alot of work and effort on both parties but so worth it. That is how I feel it should be anyway, neither the man or the woman should be cheated of this attainable bliss.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog.