Question of the Week

QOTW: Black Woman Wonders About Interracial Dating After 40

The Letter…

Hi Christelyn,

I came across the BB&W website chance through a FB friends repost of a picture from the Interracial Dating Central FB page. I’ve been looking through the website and at some of the YouTube videos and I’m glad I came across them. I will be 40yrs old in February and I have been single for 16yrs. I am a single mother of a teen. Over the 16yrs, I’ve had (2) blind dates which were setup by family or friends. The first one was a double date with a friend and her boyfriend when I was still in my 20s. Long story short, I was not the friend he expected her to set him up with (i.e. he was interested in “the white friend not the black one.”). The second one was a total mismatch in terms of age and goals(I was 25 and he was 45 and was looking for a housewife where I was focused on my child and career).

Since that time, I have chosen to concentrate on being a mom, developing and growing my relationship with God, healing from a past relationship, purchasing my home and pursuing things that I like to do (basically, working on me so that I can be ready for a healthy and committed relationship). With my daughter nearing her senior year in high school, I’ve been looking at reentering the dating world but I’m finding that I’m running into more perceptions similar to the the first blind date situation described above. In high school, although I never dated or had a boyfriend, I was very much open to exploring my options. In college that somehow changed although I had a friend who was a great guy, interested in dating me, and who was white but I was scared to pursue it because of what I thought others would say and I didn’t want to lose his friendship.

Unfortunately, I lost that friendship anyway by dating someone that I thought I was “supposed” to date. Now, at almost 40yrs old knowing who I am, being comfortable with who I am and wanting/knowing that I deserve a good, God-centered, loving, healthy, and starting off as friends type of relationship, I want to explore my options. Finding your website came at the right time as I have questions regarding dating outside my race. First, how do I (for a lack of a better word) position myself so that I am meeting men who date black women? Particularly if I am not a fan of dating websites and I’m not forward in the sense that I will not just go up to a man and ask him out. It’s not popular but I am old fashioned that way. In addition, I don’t see many interracial couples that are my age who have not been married for awhile. So it has me wondering if non-black men my age are also exploring their dating options. I’m pretty sure there are couples that have recently started dating that are my age and older but I just see more younger couples. Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated.

 My Take…

The Essentials…

  • Online dating pre qualifies  people who are open to dating interracially.
  • Online dating opens up connections with people in and beyond the United States.
  • Many men on online dating sites are over 40.

What’s your take?


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