QOTW: “Is He Doing THIS Because I’m Black?”

The Question (This one is a VERY teachable moment. Buckle up.)


I’m a huge fan and have been following your site, and you in general for about six years now. Honestly, I never thought I’d be one of those girls who’d need relationship advice but I’m so extremely confused I don’t know what else to do! I don’t even care if it makes to to the “Question of the Week” I just need help and my friends and family aren’t always the best with relationships themselves so there advice is always the same. Anyways, I’m a 25 year old black woman, with a great career, car, and I’m very independent. No kids never married but might like these things in the future. I’ve pretty much never dated and I’m from a small city whose interested in interracial dating so with that being said my only options were online dating. This one guy in particular reached out to me with a “inappropriate message” but rather than block him or ignore it I actually replied back and said “Do you usually approach girls so rudely?” He said something funny and we genuinely hit it off, we start messaging daily and eventually exchanged numbers, made plans to meet up! Everything was going well until he sent me a super long text saying he has to cancel, he’d found someone else on the site he had fancied better than me basically. I was crushed, so my immediate reaction was to say “screw you” and block him.

Lol weeks went by I was dating and doing my thing and one night I was online and saw that we was too. I was like, well obviously things haven’t panned out for either of us so far I’ll reach out. I shot him a text saying I hope all is well. He responded and said how sorry he was. Then we went on one date things went great!! I texted him the next day to see how he felt, he says, “we shouldn’t have went out on a date, we should just be friends” I’m like huh? We talked it through and eventually he forced me to agree. Yet, he continued to flirt with me! About a week or so later we make plans to hangout we have a great time and one thing leads to another and we end up having sex! Immediately after he goes, “Friends, right?” I’m like, “The worst friends ever”. We both completely agree it shouldn’t have happened and that we wouldn’t do it again. So here’s my question, “What now?” I’m not sure where to go from here, it’s been 4 days since we’ve had sex and I haven’t heard a word from him, before we only would text about once or twice a week but, isn’t this different? Does he not want to take me seriously or care because of my race? He’s white and we both let it known that we had never been with the other race before. Also, were extremely different like he’s hunting and fishing, I’m Netflix and shopping. I don’t having sex with him because I’m a grown ass woman and I wanted to I’m just super confused on what my next move should be or should I just call it done, and go ghost on him, I don’t know! HELP! I look forward to hearing from you, thank you! 🙂

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