QOTW: “Is The State of Marriage Different for Black Women?”

The Question:

Hi Chris!! I know everyone starts their messages/questions like this but I really do appreciate your videos and I appreciate them as someone who dates open to all different types of men but most importantly because of how much you uplift and validate black womens’ amazingness! You always say that your #1 priority is black women empowerment and that’s what I love the most about your videos.

I do have a question for you – I wasn’t sure if you only answer the ones you choose for the Question of the Week or if you take time to answer questions generally too. I know you’re busy but figured I would at least email and see what happened 🙂

My biggest concern is just the state of marriage for black women – whether to black men or non-black men. I’m 26 years old and just moved to a new city in the Rocky Mountain area on my own, got a job and apartment and am finally settling in and looking to date. The issue is that I feel like most people are already coupled up, whether seriously dating or married, and it’s not black people I see. It’s mostly white people with other white people. I don’t know if it’s just because I was raised in a more multi-cultural city/state and or what but I feel a little left out of the love and serious relationship game out here. Where are the other cute black women like me going to bars or games or other events?

I went to college in the Bible belt so all my friends from that time period are also posting wedding and engagement pictures, baby pictures, etc on social media it feels like every other day. But again, it’s not my black friends, it’s my white friends. I don’t see interracial marriages being posted either. I see a few interracial couple out here where I live but they’re super few and far between.

I don’t feel like my family can relate to this because they married younger than I am now and it seemed black people married more then, or maybe that’s just my bias because that’s what I grew up with. I don’t feel like they struggled back in the late 80s early 90s to get married or talked about it/worried about it as much as my friends and I do now. I’ve seen the articles and videos about the numbers proving there aren’t enough black men for black women in America and all of this negativity about us not being marriageable. Even so, there are non-black men available for black women to marry but I don’t really see that happening in my environment either. I’m starting to wonder if those articles and videos are more than just mean propaganda but actually the truth. What advice and encouragement can you give to black women my age wondering if marriage and serious relationships are just not in the cards for them based on what they see in their environment? Is my skin color what’s stopping me from finding a serious relationship? And if it is, why does it seem to be so much harder now than it did for past generations to find serious relationships and not just hookups?

Truly love you from one sister to another and THANK YOU for your bravery and confidence – your videos bring me a lot of joy.

Here’s my take…

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