Book Writing Adventures

Question of the Week: "How Do I Get Over Hurt Feelings?"

A fellow BB&W member reached out when we opened the forum for touchy, sticky, thorny, happy, sad and indifferent issues related to interracial and intercultural marriage. Her question highlights a typical scenario many interracial couples face–push back and rejection from the family, often from both sides.

Her question:

“My husband and I have been dealing with [in-law] problems for a long time, and I seem to have a problem letting go of the anger of how I was treated when they met me. We have had it from all sides–mine and his! He lost his friends and I lost mine. A little confused looking for some advice! By the way, we both love each other and don’t want to seperate. But it is putting a strain on our relationship.”

One thing you’ll soon learn about me–I’m all about the family. So for this member, I brought out the big guns.

Gail Parker, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in interracial relationships, has some sage advice to help this reader sort through her feelings without straining the relationship.

Key points to consider according to Dr. Parker:

  • Reader’s husband must not minimize the level of hurt that she feels about the rejection from his family. Empathy is in order.
  • Don’t be tempted to put the husband on the defensive.
  • Never forget the the marriage and relationship is more important than outside negativity.

For Dr. Parkers’ full response click here for the audio: Dr. Gail Parker’s advice on getting over hurt feelings

For more on Dr. Parker, visit her blog, Taking Yoga Off Your Matt.

So open forum: how have all of you dealt with these feelings? What mistakes did you make, what lessons did you learn?

Have a question you'd like to have an expert answer? Email [email protected]

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