Question of the Week

Dear Penny: What tips do you have for a marriage minded 30-something?

Written by Penelope Farthing

Dear Penny,

I wanted to ask a question about getting back into the dating game after a long hiatus. What’s the best way to start dating again after about a 1 and a half year break? And by break I mean no dating what so ever.

Personally, I don’t think a year and a half is that long. I think it’s good to take breaks because dating can get really tiresome after a while. The best way to get back in the game is to just get out there! Take your pick of restaurants, galas or other social events being held in your area (Trip Advisor is great for this!), get all dolled up, and treat yourself to a night out. If you get approached, then open yourself up to it if you’re interested, and see where it takes you. If you don’t, that’s fine too, you still got to go out and test the dating waters. Unfortunately dating is hard, and certainly not instant, so it may take a few tries in a few choice locations before things start ramping up.

I’ll give some brief info about myself. I’m 32 years old and live in Texas. I am 5’6 and about 175lbs (working on dropping more weight my goal is 145lbs). In 2017 I weighed about 200 lbs. I’ve been living here for about 7 years and I’m originally from Southern California and went to college in the Bay Area. Most of my family lives in Southern California and I’m actually open to moving back. I have a Master’s degree in Public Admin and work for a small suburb in the area.

Good on you for dropping the weight! I don’t even know you and I’m proud, weight loss, especially such a substantial amount is difficult to do, so well done! I’m sure you’ll reach your goal weight in no time if you keep up your momentum. You are young, motivated, and educated so all those are definitely pluses to have. Having your Masters in a field like Public Administration should open you up to a good range of upper echelon men. Attend lots of networking or other field-related events, to further your career by making those important connections, and to keep an eye out for eligible single men. That way, you are boosting your own career profile while placing yourself in the sights of potential suitors.

Now some of my dating challenges. I have very conservative African parents who as you probably gather taught me nothing about dating and interacting with men romantically. Before my self-imposed hiatus from dating I tried a lot of dating websites: Match.com, OK Cupid, E Harmony, and Tinder. Unfortunately, I was meeting very low caliber, mostly black men. Guys with money problems, low status jobs, trouble holding down and job, and men who had kids. This took a huge toll on me. I’ve dated other races in the past and I’m still very open to dating inter-racially

Even though you are from a more conservative background, there is an abundance of information available as a “crash course” of sorts. Using the keyword “dating” in the search function on the blog will provide you with hundreds of potentially relevant articles suited for your dating needs.

While all those sites you have tried may have their list of success stories, I’ve come to regard them as more of a means to find a hook-up, rather than make meaningful, marriage-minded connections. The official dating website of this platform is Interracial Dating Central, maybe give that one a spin (in addition to your in-person endeavors) and see what you find. Always vet men no matter the race as best you can so you don’t fall into any traps. If you want to start out with online dating first, Christelyn has written a few articles on making the best online dating profile, such as this one, which gives lots of tips and tricks/examples on what to include (and what not to include!) in your profile, this one, describing three tips to create a bombshell online profile, or this video about overcoming feeling invisible online and getting noticed, Check out this link for even more information on crafting a great online profile.

 

Above all, keep those standards high! You’ve done well to reject the low quality bums that are making advances. I will always believe it is better to be single as a Pringle than partnered with a bum stressing you out and taking years off your life. There’s no point to having a man when he doesn’t uplift you or add much value to your life. Don’t let those rejects get you down, there are good men of every race still available.

Actually, my first date back in college was with a Mexican/Jewish man. However, after a string of very negative dating experiences during 2015-2017 I decided to move, I started a new job, had surgery and took a much needed break form dating. To say I’ve undergone a ton of change recently would be an understatement. The only thing missing in my life right now is a healthy, loving, and romantic relationship. But I don’t really know how to get back in the game and not get burned again. I would actually really like to get married and have a child or 2 one day with a loving, emotionally stable, financially well to do man.

I know it’s hard, but don’t let the bad experiences get you down. Since you’re open to moving, your native California might have more single, financially well-to-do men (especially in the technology industry). You won’t find your future husband if you throw in the towel on dating altogether. I won’t say every experience you have will be perfect, and you might get burned, but you might also find that spark that sets your love life ablaze (bad fire pun, I know).

By using all available resources (online dating and in-person adventures) and casting a wide net (trying your luck in Texas and California), it puts you out there to find Mr. Right. And when you do, I’d love to hear about it.

Do you have a question you would like to ask? Drop me an email at [email protected] and your question could be featured on the blog!

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog.

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