Yesterday, during a private coaching session with a fan who is having some serious relationship issues, I realized she made a major mistake when she chose her mate. She fell for a common tactic of men and women who suffer from borderline personality disorder, and particularly, sociopathy: Love Bombing.
Love Bombing is a tactic in which a sociopath literally floods his quarry with attention, love, affection, gifts and incredible sex in order to fast forward the normal evolution of healthy romantic relationships so that they object of that affection falls in love and believes that person loves them too. They also rush the relationship and commitment like marriage in order to “secure” the victim in ownership. In my session with my fan, I learned that her partner proposed marriage within one month of meeting her. Once he locked her in a marriage, his ugly side began to emerge.
I once advised a man who I realized over time was a sociopath. He had his eye one a woman and asked me for advice on how to woo her. He said, “I need to get her before she realizes how fucked up I am!” Once he said that, I withdrew my assistance. That fact is, many sociopaths KNOW there’s something evil and inhuman about them, and realize that the “human mask” they wear will eventually slip off. The reason they rush relationships and commitment with their marks is because they want them caught up in being swept off their feet in time before the real self is revealed.
From the victim’s perspective, once the “human mask” is removed, they spend months and even years ‘chasing the dragon’ trying to get back to the good times they shared. They begin to doubt themselves, and take the blame for why the love of their life has changed. The sociopath will even tell the victim that it is her fault, as he withdraws his attention, affection, kindness and love. This leaves the victim utterly confused, depressed, and demoralized, which is the absolute objective of the sociopath.
More on “Love Bombing” from DatingASociopath.com
Love bombing is effective, as it moves the relationship forward very quickly. You might spend 10 hours talking on a telephone conversation. Or might receive constant text messages during the day. Numerous emails, or Facebook contact.
This is mind control. The message that you receive is:
- He is really keen on me
- He is really like me, we have so many common interests
- You have known him for far longer than you actually have
It blinds you to reality
It is important for the sociopath to move the relationship forward very quickly. If he didn’t you might notice that there is a lack of friends from his past. You might notice that he doesn’t actually have a job. You might notice that he doesn’t actually earn what he says he does.
His motive, is always control. By love bombing you, he effectively, in a very short space of time, has control over you. Ownership. He isolates you from other people. You can, within a very short space of time, feel that you have been with someone for 3 years, or that have that feeling that you have known this person all of your life. This gives you the false impression that this man is your soul mate. Someone special, that you do not want to let go of. It feels good.
Feel good factor
Having all this attention, will feel good. In your mind, you reason that this is the right person. This is special. This is my soul mate. We rarely want to let go of that ‘feel good’ feeling. And not forgetting that a sociopath will often target someone who has needs, perhaps they are lonely. And he walks in and fulfills this part more than well.
Within a short period of time, he will be staying at your place regularly. Your friends and family might raise an eyebrow at how quickly this has progressed. But you reassure them, thinking, ‘they do not know how this feels, it feels so absolutely RIGHT’.
It won’t be long and he will have moved in with you. Perhaps he was about to lose his place, or the person he was living with is difficult, and he isn’t happy. He is staying at yours so often, you think why not? You love his company…. he has became all the company you keep. And now, he has you exactly where he wants you. He has moved into your house. Now he has what he really wants, control.
Ladies, no matter how much you think you’re in love with a man that comes on strong and rushes the normal pace of a relationship. For your own sake, take your time, maintain healthy boundaries, and don’t allow yourselves to be caught up.