I hardly ever watch network television. No particular reason, really; but if you pinned me down I guess it would be because of all the infernal commercials. I especially hate the ones between the TEE VEE show where every practically whispers, and then ads come blaring through, and I’m really NOT that interested in how OxyClean can get my clothes as white as bleach when I was being lulled to sleep by Brook and Ridge from The Bold & The Beautiful.

But me-likey this one:

You know what I love about Sophia? She’s TOTALLY working the cha-cha hot Latina angle and it’s reaping mucho benefits for her. She’s not trying to be Miss Honorary Becky–she’s embracing the spiciness of her cultures and maximizing her OWN, NATURAL, GOD-GIVEN female assets, and is quickly becoming one of the most identifiable boob-toob stars that you’ll know whether you watch network television or not.

From the top or her head to the soles of her feet (and soul in her feet) she is a wholly feminine, and wholly powerful woman to be reckoned with. She is voluptuous, and knows how to dress to make a man’s eyeballs fall out. She has long, lustrous hair, and regardless of how cute all the pixie cuts stylists come up with to keep you chained to their chairs, men lurves some long, healthy haaar. She doesn’t whitewash her culture–she capitalizes upon it. That thick accent is working for her like nobody’s business.

As an aside, anyone else see a little green monster in this?

Chocolate ladies, it’s time we tear a page out of the Sophia Vergara script for our very own adaptation.

–We have amazing hair–let’s own it, embrace it, and get the farmers out to help us grow this stuff long and strong.

–Many of us (boo! not me, but I wish) have hourglass figures that in some cases, are hidden behind fat shields.

–Our bone structure is too die for–let’s learn how makeup accentuates these features.

–We are smart, resourceful and cunning. Let’s use those intellectual gifts to navigate in a world not dominated by us, but one in which we can can control to some degree.

–Let’s be ourselves. Let’s embrace the HEALTHY aspects of our culture and ancestry and not turn away from it. Female descendants of Africa are SEX-AAAY:

These are the women you can look at and aspire to look like! You guys, this is huge. Don’t you see how liberating this is?