Shut up about hypergamy!

Written by Nicole J.

There has been a lot of talk of late about black women and hypergamy. What’s hypergamy you ask? It’s just fancy talk for marrying up, an act that I believe all women, regardless of race, should strive for.


You know what my thoughts are?


Y’all need to shut up.


I’m not talking about the content creators making the content, by the way. They are providing a much needed service (which I will touch on later). It’s the women in all the comment sections that need an additional lesson on how to move in stealth. One might say that this post is a part of the issue I’m addressing, but rest assured, this will be the first, last, and only time I talk about hypergamy in this regard.

What’s the point of doing the work to level up when you still telegraph your every move? It’s like saying you’re going to do this amazing flashmob in a big public place…but letting everyone know ahead of time the date and time of your arrival, and showing all the set up and prep it took ahead of time. It ruins the whole thing!


Instead of letting the whole world know your plans, including:

  • The subset of men that would be rejected with your new lease on dating, and
  • The women you would be competing against for top tier men, and
  • The women who would rather see you struggle and try and sabotage your efforts,


Maybe it would be better to just…do what you need to do and keep it pushing?


Sometimes I think black women are just way too vocal about their plans. Not everything needs an announcement. The public nature of these conversations are letting outsiders in on future movements, and gives them time do what they can to ensure that they keep winning at the hypergamy game. After all, they have the home field advantage.


It’s a sad state of affairs that black women have to be told ad nauseum that they should always, always vet men appropriately and choose the best man for the job in the first place. It’s bad enough that so many black women need strangers on the internet to teach them skills that their mothers, grandmothers, aunties, and elder women in the community should have done. On a global stage, black women’s relationships have come to be synonymous with struggle, and when a black woman opts out of that life by employing some Mercenary Mate Selection (learn more about that in the Pink Pill), she is castigated for being a “gold digger”, a “negropean”, who wants to be white, not realizing how much of a self-insult it is to equate wanting the best of anything available to wanting to be white.

The fact that this conversation has reached this fever pitch in the first place is rather telling. How is it a controversial thing to tell black women not to settle? That you can, and should, opt out of relationships with men who have little to nothing to offer? And, here’s another question, who benefits from black women settling in the first place? Place your bets on your answer to that in the comments.


I’m glad that more content creators are speaking up on hypergamy. Discussions like these are needed, but now that the wick is lit, the discourse should continue away from interlopers with ulterior motives. What say you? Let’s discuss in the comments…but not too much.


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