Married Swirling

A Sister Reacts to Accusation of Race Betrayal

I was given permission by L. B. Kelle to share a recent experience she had.  Now I know the loyal readers of BBW would have some choice words to say to anyone who dare questions why she would want/love/marry a white man.  Ultimately I agree with Lillian’s final assessment but I don’t think I would have the kind words she uses in thinking parties who ask such are genuinely concerned.  Some black men think they are entitled to an explanation from any black women who dares to betray her race and love a white man.   Although I know what most of you would say to a bm (or anyone) who demanded an explanation for dating/marrying outside your race, tell me anyway.  Some of your responses may surprise us.



If you have ever faced disapproval from family and friends over your choice of partner, this is for you. The other day an African American man asked me why I would betray my race, by marrying a white man.  I stood shocked and frozen .This man-who I thought was a good acquaintance, had just called me a traitor to my face.  I thought long and hard as to whether I should respond to this ridiculous and ignorant statement, but decided against it.  I quickly concluded that someone who can say such a thing to another human being must have deep rooted prejudices in their minds, that no answer or explanation can clear up in a single conversation.  So shaking my head in disbelief, I smiled politely, threw up the peace sign and said in a sarcastic tone as I walked away that I would pray for him. 
Then I realized that he obviously never met my husband because if he had he would never have said such a thing.  My husband Kyle and I are the same age.  We met when we were both in college and everything we have, we built together.  He is the kindest,most loving man I have ever known.  When I look at him I don’t see a white man…I SEE A MAN !!   I see the first man who ever dared to truly love and accept me with all my baggage.  I see a man who has and continues to do so much for me.  I see a great father. 
There are some people on both sides of our families who did not wish us well in the beginning and said we wouldn’t last.  But twelve years and two beautiful children later, we have proven them wrong.  I know for sure that we will grow old together . When a relationship is built on truth and love-it will thrive no matter what people say because true love conquers everything-even the voice of doubters. 
The funny thing is that the intentions of these doubters are mostly noble.  They believe they have good reason for their disapproval and that they are simply looking out for your best interests-and sometimes they are.  If it is based on genuine concern because there is abuse or infidelity involved for example, then it may be justifiable.  But most of the time it is baseless concern.   For example that your mate is from the “wrong” tribe, race or religion.  Maybe it’s their job-that the person doesn’t make “enough” money.  It may be because the person is not educated enough or not educated at all for that matter.  Whatever the case may be who you choose to be with is nobody else’s business but yours.  As an adult you have the right to take a chance with love and if you make a mistake, I pray you realize it quickly, move on and do better next time.
So if you find a good person and are happy with them but others are not happy for you, they do not  need to be in your life. Retreat and love such people from afar. They are contaminants and agents of confusion.  I believe that there is someone for everyone and if it is meant to be (regardless of the package that it comes in) it will be.  What God has put together….Happy weekend -L.B Kelle
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