You know what I don’t believe in…….? Being quiet when I’m pissed off or done wrong. There. I said it… I could give a flying pickle how anyone feels when I feel as if an abomination has occurred against my personhood. That ‘Angry Black Woman’ shit is and is not a cool moniker because I get that losing your temper while in possession of a tanned vag can be misconstrued as an example of the behavior of you and everybody else like you. I get it. But what about me and my needs? What about when I’m in duress?
Only crazy people lose their temper for no damn good reason. But what about the times when there is a good damn reason?
Shall I STFU and smile through it?
Not I. I won’t be giving myself ‘the pressure’ to appease folks.
Shall I beat up my partner to take out my frustrations?
Nope, there’s therapy for that and kickboxing. I do like to hit things to take out my grief so I can cry it out or beat the dog shit outta a punching bag.
By the way, I learned a cool thing while visiting with the nice people who speak quietly at the therapist’s office, I learned that when one feels an emotion they should express that emotion, even if that emotion is….gasp….anger.
Like, When X did blah, it made me angry because…..you get to put whatever you want right here.
I tried it, and next thing I know, I blurted out some amazingly insightful shit. Like, the answers fall right out of your head if you do it right.
I’m mad because the last guy I was seriously dating conveyed some hurtful bullshit to me while we were out on my birthday. That comment caused me to revert back into an eating disorder that I am just now getting a grip on three years later. I’m mad because what type of asshole tells their girl some bullshit said by some other bird while at a club celebrating HER birthday? I’m mad at him. And at myself for even giving a dam about his less than stellar ass. I was shopping in the off the rack prices and paid good time, money and attention to something flawed. Yeah, I’m mad. I own it. Fuck him….
I’m mad at my 5th grade teacher who accused me and my best friend of cheating on a test when both her and I got the same questions wrong with the same assbackwards answer. Our parents had to come in for a parent teacher conference, it was a huge scandal and one or both of us could have gotten expelled. It was embarrassing. I was a straight A student who never got into disciplinary trouble. Everything was eventually swept under the carpet; but I learned the teacher accused each of us as the culprit to the other during the private meetings. My friend and I never didn’t cheat on that test, we were just very close and similarly not paying attention in class. I’m mad that bitch accused me of some bullshit I didn’t do; no one believed us and no one apologized.
I’m mad at my entire grammar school administration for neglecting to notice several peculiar things about me as a teenager. I’m mad that my homegirl got good grades in high school from allowing a teacher to feel her up and it was common knowledge among the student body that this occurred. I’m mad as fuck that these people are still working in the school system.
I’m sure I’m not the only one around here who is mad. I’m not angry…. anger is passionate and immediate. Anger is when you black out and come to wondering why they tasered you.
I’m mad…mad like festering.
Mad like break some glass against the wall.
Mad that I’m only one person and I’ve seen too dam much and know I can’t change everything. I’m mad that more of us don’t speak up and tell our stories. I’m mad that we feel shame will protect us. I’m mad that we value lies over the simple truth.
I’m mad….and maybe you are too, so if you are….
TELL UM WHY YOU MAD, HUN…….or don’t.
I could give a ***** right now!
*this is meant to be an diffusion exercise. You can’t work on you or your feelings if you don’t express them!*