There was NEVER a topic harder to discuss among those who champion the rights of black women or relating to one another as black women. I think this one might be harder to bring up than weight. If she is acknowledged to be damaged, it can pretty much only be in relation to men in her life and not in her own regard. Somehow, taking black men out of the equation means the kid-gloves come out. But knowing what I know of DBR black women, this is a curious decision.
She is the anti-thesis of everything an empowered black woman tries to be. She is ignorant and despises knowledge (and in some cases proper English). She is unkempt and her behavior is uncouth and aggressive. She will hide drugs and guns for her criminal boyfriends or family members, brings men around her children that can and will abuse them, and does NOT care about the consequences. At her least extreme, she is simply a woman who holds beliefs and opinions that are a threat to herself and to those around her. She willingly holds back not only her own self, but as many as she can. And even worse: She does not seek to change, and woe be it to anyone that attempts to make her try.
There is a chance you may know a DBR black woman personally, or know of one. But sometimes, mentioning her brings doubt as to your motives and scorn upon your person. You may be accused of being black-male identified, even when the topic has nothing at all to do with black men, and everything to do with harmful black women. You know you aren’t lying about what you’ve experienced or observed. So what gives?
My logic is whether or not their damaged state of being can be blamed on a cycle of black community failure or black men in their lives is irrelevant: A DBR is a DBR. Whether that person be black or non-black, a man or a woman. I simply do not have time for a pity party regarding damaged persons and making excuses for them: I call out the behavior, get the heck away from them, and encourage others to do so as well.
As a personal policy, I do not shield DBR black women. If I observe damaged behavior, I say that it is. Because I understand that if the situation was reversed, these women would not shield me. They would do me harm, or enable someone else to do me harm. You cannot afford to think that every black woman is your sister, and every black woman, no matter how close to you, is your friend. OR that every black woman wants to or even secretly believes she needs to be “rescued” from herself or the black community. Your own individual survival means being willing to consider the fact that DBR is not a term that can and should only be attributed to black men. Doing so does not enable you to be empowered or connected with black women everywhere.
Instead, you put yourself in harm’s way. In life, you may be confronted with DBR black women. Recognize them as such, and go about getting around or away from them. In discussion, do not assume that an attempt to address a DBR black woman is merely taken as a second-hand observation by way of some bitter (and very likely damaged himself) black man. Sometimes, a black woman is very much a lost cause, a problem, and should be treated as such.
Some people have differing philosophies on how to deal with the topic of DBR black women: from outright contempt to generous exceptions. But one thing’s for sure, while almost everyone agrees to treat DBR black men as the heels they are, some leeway is more likely to be given to black women who cannot be considered anything less than damaged and dangerous (unless that woman is NBAB or a sister soldier). Why do you think that is?