I just LOVE getting letters like this!
I’ve been a silent reader of your blog for a long time but sometimes comment with the user name ‘QueenEkuba’. I love your blog and although I don’t necessarily always agree with every post that is put up there, I admire your ability to listen to diverse opinions and also I have learnt a lot from you. I just wanted to encourage you to keep up your job of bringing people together regardless of the color of their skin.
I have met and I’m now dating an amazing Caucasian/ White man & just as I thank God for making this happen, I also want to thank all the persons who inspired or encouraged me or whose advice was a blessing for me on this journey. I am someone who is naturally ‘voluptuous’ and has a very curvy physique.I have never been skinny but had a flat stomach. In the past couple of years, I went through some health issues (a leg problem that made it impossible to exercise) and emotional issues (recovering from both childhood sexual abuse & sexual assault & also finally accepting my sexuality as a bi woman who grew up in a homophobic society.) that led to me gaining about twenty pounds. I think that as black women, a lot of the time, our weight gain issues stem from a variety of psychological issues since we have to deal with ‘two strikes against us’ ie: living both as a woman and as a black person- with no one to stand up for us but ourselves.
Although I was interested in dating interracially & had indeed done so in the past before I put on weight, I got a lot of discouragement from friends & even articles I used to read about interracial dating as everyone insisted that to date interracially as a black woman, you need to be reed thin. Well, a few months ago, I decided not to wait to be at the size & physique I want before I look for love. I said to myself: I’m pretty sure there are plus size non-black women with amazing non-black partners. I mean I’ve seen them at the mall and when I’m out and about. The average size in the US is 14 which is plus size & yet I doubt every size 14 woman doesn’t have a partner lol. So I then said: if a non-black man will date a non-slender non-black woman, why would he not date a beautiful, confident, plus size black woman?
I had stopped dressing up after the sexual assault happened & started binge eating to cope (part of the trauma symptoms I later discovered) but I started taking good care of myself again, doing my hair, nails, makeup, buying clothes. I also started appreciating my body for the parts I liked. I still am not comfortable with my waist (it used to be flat and it’s not now) & i’m working on it (so many sit ups everyday lol), but regardless, I really love how I have a beautiful, womanly figure with hips, boobs etc.I have learnt to appreciate the parts of my body which are amazing. And guess what? I also started working out also and eating healthier. As I started taking care of myself, I began to meet men (both black and non-black) who would flirt a little etc lol.
To facilitate the process of looking for a partner, I joined InterracialDatingCentral.com (which you recommended on your blog). I found that the men there were much more polite and respectful and willing to settle with a black woman than on OK cupid or other sites I tried. Moreover your tips about how to present ourselves on the site (pictures to post, how to communicate etc) certainly helped me so thanks again! ;)There, I posted beautiful pictures of myself- full length photos showing my entire body and voila, within a few weeks, I had met several wonderful men, very respectful and kind whom I chatted with. Eventually, I met one who was beyond amazing and have been dating him for a while now. He is such a sweetheart and is so kind to me.
Moreover, despite the fact that I”m now working on my PhD (in Canada) & I’m a trained lawyer & so have some level of exposure than say, my Ghanaian sisters who’ve lived in the country their whole lives, it was reading your blog & seeing different types of black women (with all types of hair, skin tone, sizes) that encouraged me and gave me the confidence to try interracial dating. In Ghana and certain parts of Africa, people think that you have to be very skinny, light skinned, with some long weave etc in order to date a white man (because the expats who come there tend to seek girls like this). All this to say bravo & that there are many people like me who may be silent but who are really being blessed through your work so please don’t ever stop!
I wanted to send this long email to encourage you to keep on with the good work and also encourage other black women who want to date interracially not to be discouraged or intimidated because of their size, hair, skin tone etc. It’s important to take care of yourself, yes, but you’re gorgeous as you are- celebrate that and look for someone who will because he exists!