Note: Twitter screenshots within posts are provided for entertainment value only. This is not a license to harass anyone depicted.
I came back from another work event (pre-COVID) and couldn’t sleep (this is becoming a trend, lol), so I decided to go back to my new favourite website, Twitter. I saw a tweet that had me screaming (with laughter). It has since inspired this post. Please see below:
White male coworkers think they can “loving the hair!” their way into some pussy
— 𝔹𝕠𝕦𝕕𝕠𝕚𝕣 𝕄𝕒𝕕𝕒𝕞🇯🇲✨ (@BoudoirMadam) November 19, 2019
Based on the responses, this seems like a really common thing. I personally tend to be more direct, so the intent and subtle cues behind that compliment might have flown over my head quite a few times. Hearing that would have definitely put me in a very good mood though.
I saw another similar post screenshot online. I’ll have to go explore that thread too.
This does say one thing to me: white and nonblack men, who are interested in black women, love our hair. Ladies, we are desirable, and our unique features make us beautiful. Nothing is wrong with being a man’s preference. And to the men out there, there is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and going for what you want.
I cannot tell you the amount of YouTube videos I used to click off back in the day, with black men clowning our natural hair, weaves, or wigs.There are very few black male comedians, who impersonate black women, that I can tolerate online. I prefer comedians that do not have to create black women caricatures For laughs. (I guess those weekly trips to the barber made them forget what grows out of their own head.)
I did want to add a few caveats here. While this comment tends to be a hit-or-miss, depending on who it is said or how it is said, your follow-up has to be solid. Case in point:
Google is free and so is YouTube. I do not say that to be rude, but to offer a resource guide. Actually, I would recommend that you men watch some of those videos, to learn some of the lingo. It could earn you some brownie points.
Not everyone is comfortable sharing about their hair journey publicly, particularly when they may have to admit that not all of the hair sitting on their head grows out of their scalp. Some people use that tactic as a way to make black women feel less than, so it is not well received. I would also caution against any unwanted touching or even requests to touch the hair. To be safe, do not ask to touch the hair unless you all are intimately involved. Even then, you may not get permission, but roll with it.
We tend to do a lot of posts on Beyond Black and White that men can enjoy, but not ones that speak directly to them. I thought that this was an excellent opportunity to open the floor. I want to ask our ladies the following: if a nonblack man were to approach you, what pick up lines would you be open to? The OP asked for her audience to add their two cents as well, so If I receive anything from them, I will add that in another post.
(I do hope it is understood that we are not trying to speak to players and creeps, but to men sincerely interested in building meaningful relationships with black women. I will not judge you if you are just looking for some temporary fun, but please make sure you are both on the same page.)
I see that the OP also has a blog, one that handles sex and relationship questions anonymously for women, so I think I will need to hit her up about that as well. Hopefully, she will be open to sharing more of that journey with us.
Another Hair Story
One of our male followers sent us this thought as well. While this story was not in a flirting context necessarily, I thought it was a nice addendum to this article.
As I was leaving The Fresh Grocer in Philly, I saw a mother and daughter, two ostensibly health-minded black women, leaving at the same time. I stopped my car, rolled down my window, and in inimitable Philly fashion, greeted them with a friendly “Yo”. When they looked, I pointed toward the daughter and said “I absolutely love your hair! All natural right?” (Natural afro, deliciously fluffy, fun, and so damn cute). Mom excitedly exclaimed that her girl is all natural about everything, was quite animated telling me I made their day! I was a little surprised. Both were beaming, thanked me for making their day, and I was quite surprised at the reaction. I just observed it, felt it and said it. Of course it felt good making someone smile like that, but really it was just a drive-by compliment.
But what mom said next made me curious. She said, again, “thank you so much for making our day. We get no props like that from black men! Thank you!”
So I’m curious, would you receive that as positively, and what are your thoughts on mom’s comment?
Note Two: If you see something on Twitter, and you would like our take, send us a screenshot or tag us in a comment. Our Twitter handle is @BeyondBandW.