Question of the Week

White Guy Asks, “How Do I Protect Black Women from DBR’s in Public?”


I just got this letter and wanted to publish it immediately. I am pleased to see that the conversations that take place on this site about the lack of respect and protection that black women face has raised the awareness of non-black men, who desire to protect us. Here’s the letter; please read it in it’s entirety. Some people get really offended that we speak our truths about the ugliness that is aided and abetted in the black community, and I’ve recently been openly challenged by it, but I will not apologize for allowing black women to speak their truths. Look at what good it has wrought…


Dear Mrs. Karazin

I’m hoping you and your audience can give me some advice to how to handle DBRs in a public setting. Let me explain why.

I was on the DC metro yesterday returning from a great day on the national mall. While riding back a group of 11-14yo boys and girls (about 6 total – 4 boys 2 girls) boarded the train. The oldest boy immediately started cat calling a black woman who appeared in her mid to late twenties. She did what any woman would do – ignored him. Once he saw that she wasn’t going to grace him with the attention he felt that she owed him, the boy went off on her. Suddenly she became stupid, ugly, and other obscenities that I will not type here. He also said that he would assault and rape her as well. All the while the other young members of his group (including the two girls) cheered him on.

Once he threatened to assault her I knew I could not stand idly by. Fortunately there was another gentleman in the car that looked like he lived in a gym. He also heard what was being said. I got his attention and we decided that we would simply walk up to the woman and sit down in front of and behind her so that she knew she wasn’t alone. Obviously the 14yo boy wasn’t such a big man anymore but still had the audacity to throw several racial slurs towards muscle dude (both of us were white guys). He handled it by simply ignoring the group. Once we
reached the woman’s stop we escorted her to train door to make sure she made it safe off the train. Muscle dude and myself made her aware we were fully prepared to escort her all the way home if need be. Fortunately the group of young people continued on train.

I’ve read about such behavior from men on your site. But this is the first time really seeing it personally. The filth that poured from the mouthes of these young people shocked me. Where I’m from in central Pennsylvania, women, for the most part, are still treated with respect
and dignity when in public. If you spoke to a woman like that in public you would quickly be on your way to severe beat down. To see every DBR behavior played out before my eyes was just sad. Even worse was the young girls cheering on their cohort. This is what their view of “man” is being shaped into.

While I doubt muscle dude and myself did anything to change the behavior of these young people I hope we made the young woman feel that she deserves to be protected and cherished. She was a beautiful young woman and very thankful and appreciative of our help.

But my real question is this – how could I have handled the situation if I was alone without putting myself or the young woman in any additional danger – especially given that I’m a white guy?

I doubt I would have acted the way I did if I had been alone. While I had a solid 10 to 15 years on the young people they had strength in numbers and you never know what weapons they could have been carrying. Having muscle dude definitely made those young people think twice
before getting physical as I don’t live in a gym and don’t strike a very intimidating figure.

Any advice you and your readers could give would be greatly appreciated.


Joel A.

Joel? Really quick: my advice is that you should always proceed with caution. Little boy-men in the black community often use guns to settle the minoriest of tiffs, so I like how you silently showed your strength and support without engaging that miscreant. I love that more men like yourself are being made aware of what’s going on, and that you teamed up with someone to protect this young woman. I’ll open this up to the community so that they can post their opinions, but you have a personal e-hug and BIG THANK YOU from me for standing up for that young lady!

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