Elin Nordegren, the ex-wife Tiger Woods and mother to his two children, has reportedly upgraded from a philandering man-whore who sleeps with skanky hoes to a ostensibly family-centered billionaire. This pretty blond rose from the ashes of humiliation and heartbreak to be back on #TeamWinning.
According to reports from Yahoo:
The former Mrs. Tiger Woods, 33, is reportedly dating billionaire coal magnate Chris Cline, a neighbor in her upscale North Palm Beach, Florida, community called Seminole Landing.
“Elin was introduced to Chris by a local friend because they seem to have a lot in common,” a source told People, noting that they’ve been dating casually and non-exclusively since the holidays. “They both have children, like to keep their personal lives quiet, believe in philanthropy, and enjoy leisure outdoor activity.”
Cline is one of the richest people in the country, according to Forbes. The magazine ranked him as #377 on its latest list of American billionaires and, moreover, estimates his net worth at $1.2 billion — that’s with a b. Cline was even one of the targets of an attempted extortion plot, along with other bigwigs like movie producer Harvey Weinstein, last year. Of course, money is not a concern for Nordegren, especially since her divorce settlement from Woods was estimated at $100 million following his sex scandal.
Anyone surprised? I hope not. This is, to me, an example of a woman who knows what her beauty, brains and white privilege are worth. Hate on her all you want, but she’s no fool. Ladies, understand that men COMMODITIZE beauty. It is a form of status. Right or wrong, Elin understands that her looks can ensure not only a comfortable position for herself, but also her offspring. So what if she 33 and he’s in his 50’s? Just saying, older men know their way around a woman’s body, trust! lol Besides, if he’s not toothless, saggy and fat (this man looks to take good physical care of himself) who cares? You can be hot in your 50’s!
“Women are right to think about security and the ability of their prospective husband to provide, especially if they plan to have children. Also, while sometimes it really is just right and true love, romance is deceptive. Character matters most. People who commit themselves to the lifelong enterprise of marriage — an endeavor that typically involves more than just two people — should expect their love to grow from their accumulated experience of commitment and support to each other over time. In my own marriage, I feel that my wife and I are stocking up treasure in love. I can’t imagine ever throwing that away. I love her and I have great joy in being the patriarch of our little family (she’s the matriarch), our fierce little tribe of four,” says Anthony O., a very happily married Facebook friend of mine.
Another piece of advice from a very wise black woman who’s also on #TeamElin: “Love and devotion are great, but they don’t pay the bills or put your children thru college. So while we are sitting and waiting with baited breath to find out if these men can/will actually live up to the ‘monogamy’ part of the deal, you had better be thinking about the ‘financial’ part. Cuz weddings happen in churches, but divorces happen in court. If women are not smart about who they marry, and take into consideration ALL that is on the table, INCLUDING money, we will always be taken advantage of.”
Women have been doing this for centuries, and there’s a good reason. It works for them.
Undeniable White Beauty.
You think Elin just wakes up in the morning and looks like that? NO! Yes she has natural Euro-beauty, but I’ll bet my kidney she works hard at maintaining it.
Now look at her…
Undeniable Black Beauty.
Both women are beautiful…EQUALLY. Ladies, this is how it’s done. Is this black woman wearing a blond weave and blue contacts? NOPE! She has a UNIQUE beauty that is so compelling that the men (of all races) at Sports Illustrated want to celebrate. DO YOU GET IT YET???!!!
My advice? Black women need to know their worth too.Black women are BEAUTIFUL, but in order to compete, you have to be on your A-game too. Get in the gym. Eat clean. Get some therapy. Get a stylist. Make it happen. You deserve the best, and once you realize it, you’ll get it.
Moment of truth time: I’m privvy to a lot of conversations with groups of successful non-black men. They LOVE our looks–the skin, the hair, the eyes, the lips, the teeth (gaps included lol) but the one thing, THE ONLY THING REALLY, that keeps us from competing head-to-head with the Elins of the world is…drum roll…THE WEIGHT. While my #1 advocacy for black women maintaining a healthy weight is because it’s good for them, I am not against the probability that that weight loss will make her more appealing to a wider audience of men. Why the heck not? Black women get weaves and all sorts of nonsense to attract black men because they think that’s what they want, why not do the same for other men of the racial spectrum, especially if it benefits your happiness and health?
” Black women get weaves and all sorts of nonsense to attract black men because they think that’s what they want, why not do the same for other men of the racial spectrum, especially if it benefits your happiness and health?”
***You got a point there girlie…a good one.
I have always found love and attraction through respect and protection. When I have neither, there is no love. Elin may feel the same way and money is just a part of the lifestyle of who she rubs elbows with. Who would she be with anyway? Was she supposed to find another like Tiger? Tiger’s character was very unattractive and maybe she, like many women burned, needs to feel like she has a guy who will protect her and her children’s interests. Maybe her love language is being spoken and his age is why he knows how to speak it. I had a Tiger wannabe who slept with “skanky hoes” and no way that I would wish that on anyone but it does teach you valuable lessons. I am with her, find a man with character who will treat her and her children with respect, protection and value. THAT is love IMO. Go Elin!
@MZ Elf
Go Elin!
Exactly. I can bet white people aren’t sitting around calling her a ‘gold digger”.
@mzsunshineNope! It was so nice to never hear those words come out of a woman’s mouth when I lived in a mostly white neighborhoods. I spent many years listening to white women, not only do they not call women “gold diggers” but they don’t even think twice about the privilege of being in a position of wealth, power or desirability. It is just what they do/have. They also did not take their beauty for granted. I rarely saw mothers of 4-5 children with any extra weight. They were at the gym, running, walking with strollers or had home gyms. There were not many “frumpy” wives.
@MZ Elf @mzsunshine If you are stay-at-home mother to a rich man your job is to take care of the home, take care of the kids, and to make sure that you always look good. If you don’t have a 9-5 outside of the home then there should be no reason why you can’t hit the gym 4-5 days a week.
@Jamila @MZ Elf @mzsunshine
Yeah, they have the money to hire nannies for everything.
@MZ Elf @mzsunshine
The thing is many ww are self-centered…it’s all about me.
@mzsunshine
Let’s be honest many are gold diggers. Love? What is that? I always wondered what the men thought about those women. I do not believe for one second Trump’s wife would be with him if he was just an every day work guy, no millions or billions.
@mzsunshineLet’s be honest many are gold diggers. Love? What is that? I always wondered what the men thought about those women. I do not believe for one second Trump’s wife would be with him if he was just an every day working guy, no millions or billions.
No hating here. The message is a excellent one. Women, especially black women don’t know our worth. One of reasons that you addressed in another post is black women are dissuaded from acting “cute”.
When a black woman knows, and shows her “worth”, she is deemed trying to be “cute”. This is frowned upon by the black community, and even her family. In most non-black community, a woman who exudes beauty, confidence, and intelligence is revered.
In the black community, if a woman exudes the same charateristics, it will more than likely incite vile comments toward her ,and in some cases violence. So I can understand why many black women shy away from “peacocking” the most beautiful physical attributes that GOD created.
And then, there is the weight issue. That is an issue that black women don’t like to address. However, if you are a black woman interested in dating non-black men, it is a subject that cannot be ignored.
We, black women have too much going on for us to keep missing the gravy train.
@mzsunshine
There is also a resistance from white women. They try to do things to bring you down a couple of notches. When you are too confident, it makes them uncomfortable.
@Butterfly12
There is also a resistance from white women.
Yet white women and others live well inspite of the resistance. And therein lies the difference.
@Butterfly12
having some technical difficulties.
I wanted to also say, yes you are correct about resistance from white women as well. But black women have to learn as other non-black women, that inspite of the resistance (there are always haters), that they should still seek to live well unapologetically.
@mzsunshine @Butterfly12 Yes, Mz Sunshine has a good point. Many women have obstacles and “haters” and yet they live well inpite of it. I can’t be concerned with their discomfort or any other resistance. Remove them and stay focused on your life. I personally have no problem with recognizing people that don’t have my best interest in mind as I will reciprocate. I also have no problem removing them from my life as soon as they exhibit a discomfort with my confidence.
@Butterfly12 @mzsunshine How so? I would like to hear some examples. I personally have not noticed this behavior but maybe there’s something that I may have missed.
@uninterracial @Butterfly12 @mzsunshine For some reason, I have not had many “haters” who were white women…I know they’re out there, but most of the ww I knew were nice and supportive of me. They were just good people, and the women who were mean and catty were usually that way towards most others, regardless of race. Maybe I just haven’t lived long enough lol.. Maybe they will come out of the woodworks as I date more wm lol… but of course, there will always be people of all colors who want to bring you down. You just can’t let ’em win!
@MySmile @uninterracial @Butterfly12
For some reason, I have not had many “haters” who were white women.
Exactly, the reason has to do with the different mindset in the white culture. The non-black american culture do not view women who marry multiple times to live well as gold diggers.
In the black american culture if a woman did what Elin did, and many other non-black women do in finding a quality wealthy mate after divorce or a break up, there isn’t enough vile words in the amerian lexicon that can be used to descirbe her.
@mzsunshine @uninterracial @Butterfly12
Yep, I really hope to only marry once (I think we all do, but anything could happen) but I see absolutely nothing wrong with a woman, especially one who is used to living a certain lifestyle, seeking a partner who can help her maintain that lifestyle. Even with “regular” women, who the heck wants to marry a pizza man after divorcing a businessman? lol
@uninterracial
A lot of white women are not comfortable with really attractive black women who are confident. Some black women experience it. Some dont. Some black women they dont feel as threatened by.
@Butterfly12 @uninterracial Yep, that’s why I said they are definitely out there and I’m not minimizing the experiences of others. I just haven’t had much experience with it. Why do you think they don’t feel as threatened by some black women? I’m just curious..
@Butterfly12 @uninterracial Can I just take a moment to say that I can’t stand women who are mean to other women for no good reason? I just can’t with the overly catty bs. I’ll either kill ’em with a smile or say hi, bye, and keep it moving. I’m also not with the extreme frenemy thing… let’s act like we love each other so much and hang out all the time, yet we really hate each other..no. again, I’ll be polite and cordial when need be, but the person will probably know that I don’t care for them or their attitude. I’ve mentioned before that I wear my emotions on my sleeves, to a certain extent. I had a (black) girl who used to work at my job like that. She was just…bitchy, for lack of a better term (well, really, that was just the term I wanted to use..the only thing that accurately described her). She was always rolling her eyes and giving me some smart ass remark when I needed help with something…like ugh, cut the crap! I’m not going to lie, I used to love walking in all happy when she acted like she was miserable and had a stank attitude all the time. I did like pissing her off in that way… so my cat claws are mainly used for those purposes haha. Some people just enjoy raining on everyone’s parade. I’m also not very competitive so I’m not going to claw another woman’s eyes out to get to where I need to be.
@Butterfly12 @uninterracial
Can I just take a moment to say that I can’t stand women who are mean to other women for no good reason? I just can’t with the overly catty bs. I’ll either kill ’em with a smile or say hi, bye, and keep it moving. I’m also not with the extreme frenemy thing… let’s act like we love each other so much and hang out all the time, yet we really hate each other..no. I did that for a while once, and learned my lesson..it sucks!!! Again, I’ll be polite and cordial when need be, but the person will probably know that I don’t care for them or their attitude. I’ve mentioned before that I wear my emotions on my sleeves, to a certain extent. I had a (black) girl who used to work at my job like that. She was just…bitchy, for lack of a better term (well, really, that was just the term I wanted to use..the only thing that accurately described her). She was always rolling her eyes and giving me some smart ass remark when I needed help with something…like ugh, cut the crap! She acted really snooty, too. I’m not going to lie, I used to love walking in all happy when she acted like she was miserable and had a bad attitude all the time. I did like pissing her off in that way… so my cat claws are mainly used for those purposes haha. Some people just enjoy raining on everyone’s parade.. I used to be more jealous and somewhat miserable, but I rarely took it out on other people.. I really hope she realizes how she comes off to other people and changes for the better.
@Butterfly12 @mzsunshine what do they do??
Good post! I agree that Black women need to bring their A game and make sure that they have the same basic qualities that make women of any race attractive and easy to get along with. BUT, this does not mean being exact carbon copies of other women. So if Elin has a flat but, that does not mean you need one. If Gisel has light brown hair, it does not mean you need to die your hair light brown. If Sophia Vergra has lighter skin it does not mean you have to bleach yourself. You look at the general attractive qualities.
For instance, having healthy longer hair (no matter the colour or texture). Having a slim/healthy body no matter the curves (since you can’t help that without surgery). Having clear, moisturized, toned skin no matter the colour. Having a nice smile, being friendly, having good manners, and acting like a respectable lady who a man would be proud to be seen with. Being able to have a conversation about a variety of topics and speaking like someone educated and intelligent. Black women can have all of these things and it is not impossible to be highly prized just because your skin is dark and your hair is coily/kinky. There are general things that make women attractive that Black women are capable of achieving and presenting to the world if they would just stop trying to other themselves by not valuing these things. If you want to fit into the “gorgeous, dream girl” club then you have to have the qualities of the other gorgeous dream girls in the club and Black women can be a part of that club without being White or blonde.
Go Elin!
“I am not against the probability that that weight loss will make her more appealing to a wider audience of men.”
I have to agree with this based on my own personal experiences. Most of the white men I dated never dated black women and weren’t even looking to (my husband included). But, I think my weight/size was something they all found attractive and made me stand out a bit. Not that one should starve themselves for a weight that is not appropriate for them. But, my husband says most men, regardless of race, want a woman that is slim/fit.
@The Working Home Keeper
I noticed this as well, I have lost 15lbs over the past few months(25-30 more to go still), and the amount of non-black men appraoching me has increased, just with that little bit lost.
Get in the gym. Eat clean. Get some therapy. Get a stylist…..AMEN!!! to all of that.
@cns All of those are important. I would also like to add, “dress appropriately”, i.e., clothing that flatters and fit your body frame.
Go Elin!
All very good advice. I d didn’t expect anything less. When you’ve been with a man with that kind of “power” and money, where else could you go, but up.
Women like her are admired in their communities, they not only seek love but financial stability. I don’t know who taught black women the idea that love is the only ingredient needed for a successful marriage, but he/she was dead wrong. The word “gold-digger” is only used to describe black women here in the state. In other parts of the world, parents are teaching their daughters to marry well, and if at first you don’t succeed learn from it and move UP!
@Lexi88
Can you still move up at 31 never married? I feel so behind lol
@geneaj
Moving up is a mindset, it has little to do with age. Some women are more “marketable” than others. But, we all have that “it” factor, you just need to tap into it and make it work your benefit. You work with what you have and fix the things requiring fixing. Look at what works and imitate it.
I would advise any women who is single, never marry with no children to take advantage of their youth and child-free status. Do NOT settle and take yourself out of the game for just anybody.
@geneaj @Lexi88 I met my husband at 31… got married at 32. Had a kid at 34. Just bought a house together… life is good. 🙂
(Not that I was struggling before I met him, but yeah, let’s just say since marrying, my household income level has uh, moved up.)
Personally, I never really saw Elin Nordegren as a gold-digger.
Gold-diggers have a shamelessness about them that she seems to lack. Even in a bikini, LOL
“Need Tear Sheets on…”
The sound you heard was that phrase whooshing right over my head … what does it mean?
Also, I have to disagree with you slightly, nothing personal against Elin, but she looks like a typical blonde you could see down at the mall (with a weird, unnatural tan.)
Bella, OTOH, is AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL!
I must be different, but listening to groups of white guys talk about women they find attractive, thin is definitely in.
Bottom line: be the best YOU you can be.
@DWB Tear sheets: notes. 😉
@DWB
I must be different, but listening to groups of white guys talk about women they find attractive, thin is definitely in.
I don’t have the privy of listening to groups of white guys, but I defintely have eyes. Living mostly in predominately white neighborhoods, and attending predominately white schools, college included my observation has been having a svelte figure is the ultimate standard of beauty with this demographic group.
I can’t tell you how many times, I’ve heard ” her face isn’t all that great but her body is slamming!”
@mzsunshine Heard that phrase many times too … and I LOVE a good-looking body — the face (eyes, moth shape, smile, etc…) along with the legs and feet are what I notice most — but I don’t fully understand this preference.
Perhaps since most white guys marry white women, this preference might have developed because white women usually don’t carry extra weight very well. I don’t mean to be mean, but the whole “cottage-cheese, blue vein” look is not attractive.
I guess my only exception would be women that are tall & lean.
As they say: to each his own.
*taking notes….
yep,just like the ad that mentions my name….”the best,or nothing.”
Christelyn, you are so right. I just hope people will HEAR you. This reminds me of how Maximillion Cooper’s ex wife did the same thing. After divorce from him, she moved on (and got MARRIED) to an equally richer man. What is sad is that instead of taking notes, I heard several black women say, “Well she’s white. White women stay winning.” Comments like this are pathetic and sad.
Maximillion Cooper is now currently dating and expecting a baby with the rapper Eve. I will say that I wish Eve had been more aggressive about getting the ring on her finger FIRST, but that’s another topic for another day. However, clearly Maximillion Cooper thinks both Eve (black) and his ex wife (wife) were equally worth being with. Why do a lot of black women have such low self esteem and think that only white women can “stay winning”? And why do a lot of black women think they are only good enough to be the baby mama? Maybe the only difference between these white women who are “winning” and the black women who could win is that the white women are aware of their worth and don’t stop until the get what they want. Both Elin and Maximillion Cooper’s ex wife could have rolled over and thought that they were “damaged goods.” Notice how they didn’t do that. And notice how they are clearly winning.
According to Eve she’s not pregnant….
@TamekaMacon Thanks, I didn’t know this. I was going off of reports from a few months ago. I haven’t kept up with her since. I hope that everything is okay with them, and if she still wants to get married, I hope they marry
I had never heard of Maximillion’s ex-wife before now, but I looked her up and she is obviously a very smart and hardworking woman in her own right:
”
JULIE BRANGSTRUP
Julie Brangstrup, started her career at Morgan Stanley’s Private Clients division where from 1998-99 she gained the financial and organizational foundations that have led to her entrepreneurial success. In 2000, she launched Vita Viva, a Danish health supplements company, still operating today, giving her vital commercial experience for of her next venture; Gumball 3000 which she co-founded with Maximillion Cooper”
She’s got 4 kids and she still drives race cars.
@Jamila I agree, I’m saying she used her feminine power and her brain power. So many black women also have both. We have a lot of education and accomplishments. But many black women don’t believe in their feminine power. We have it. We need to use it. When you have both, you bring even more to the table than someone who is just bringing their looks.
And another thing, a lot of black women have an inferiority complex and don’t believe their own ability to be attractive! They don’t know their own self worth. Don’t be surprised if they would rather SHOOT THE MESSENGER (i.e. attack Christeyn) rather than open their eyes to their own abilities. I see it ALL THE TIME. I have decided to leave these women be and enjoy what I am capable of. I think it’s sad but I’m not really sure what it will take for black women to know that they are equally capable of winning. Some would rather just believe they can’t because their black. They won’t even try.
True. I am trying to get over that at 31.
@geneaj And you probably look 25. Seriously Black women look amazing and age wonderfully. I have a cousin who is 45, all she does is color her grays in and she’s back to looking 30. And with makeup on, yowza! Don’t sleep on this ladies. Very few women have this advantage. I see a lot of women not taking advantage of their beauty including myself. After getting compliment after compliment when I do dress up, I looked at myself in frumpy clothes and thought ‘What am I doing?’ It’s like keeping a Ferrari outside neglected, while it accumulates leaves and squirrels make a nest in the engine.
Both of the women are absolutely gorgeous.
One of the main things I noticed about the Elin/Tiger divorce was how quickly she divorced him after the scandal broke. Normally these Hollywood divorces take at least a year or two and they get ugly as the couple fight over money. I think Elin was divorced in less than 9 months. On one hand I don’t think its good that a woman abandon her marriage as soon as rough waters hit. On the other hand, I think many women would be better off if they left their marriage before putting in 20 years with a cheating spouse, and their looks and the best years of their life are gone.
I have no statistics to back this up, it’s just my opinion from a cursory view, that young beautiful black women are MORE committed to their marriages (when they marry ‘ballers’ and entertainers) than young attractive white women. Its like the black women is determined to ‘stay down’ and make her marriage work while the young attractive white women will see that it wont work for the long-haul and so she’ll bounce while her looks are still in-tact and taking as much money with her as she can.
Jamila – ‘On one hand I don’t think its good that a woman abandon her marriage as soon as rough waters hit.’
I wouldn’t consider Elin divorcing Tiger within nine months – as abandoning her marriage as ‘Rough Waters.’ He cheated on her for years with hundreds of women and might have given her std’s. That’s a perfect reason for divorce.
@kia I’m all for freedom and things like that but Tiger was laying down with whomever, whenever and doing whatever with the class of a 15 year old boy. The levels of stupid are unbelievable and surly very humiliating given he wasn’t the traditional athlete/dog. He was the golden boy and if she really didn’t know he added insult to injury to dam, son!? She got away from him to avoid the dirty of his bad Black dog ways, the media turned him into a thug pimp meme within days. She had to cut her loses and distance her privilege and play the part of a real injured wife. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t. Keeping face is a game for winners. Black women can keep thinking aggression and assertive behavior is unflattering, in the meantime, you wait for that White Knight to ride in while I pick and choose whose horse I’m gonna ride and the manner in which I will continue to buck……………..Non Black women play chess, not checkers. And I’ve been told how distasteful and self centered my being self sustaining can be, only by Blacks, of course.
Every other culture says ‘use what you got to get where you want’ meaning, whatever that is that they are buying, you sell it and keep it poppin, Learn to run your race, ladies.
@tracyreneejones
whatever that is that they are buying, you sell it and keep it poppin.
Sounds like Economics 101. Supply and demand. Well-off men are demanding it and white women know how to supply it.
@tracyreneejones @kia “And I’ve been told how distasteful and self centered my being self sustaining can be, only by Blacks, of course. ”
FACE. PALM.
It’s like they expect black women to be lemmings. 😐
@tracyreneejones
Non Black women play chess, not checkers. And I’ve been told how distasteful and self centered my being self sustaining can be, only by Blacks, of course.
Every other culture says ‘use what you got to get where you want’ meaning, whatever that is that they are buying, you sell it and keep it poppin, Learn to run your race, ladies.
Tracey, when black women learn that. They will be winning.
@kia @Jamila Jamila rough waters is Tiger Losing his endorsements, losing a leg, an arm, a life threatening illness. Years of affairs should not be counted what if he had given her a disease? One of my mothers friends husband gave her AIDS!!! My mom had not heard from her in a long time and is not sure if she is still alive. I remember watching Mona Lisa Smile set in 1950’s New England Kirsten Dunst’s character found out her husband was cheating and her mother tried to convince her that his affair was a “period of adjustment” and to put up with it like she had with her dad. What the fruit?
@DU2 @kia @Jamila
“One of my mothers friends husband gave her AIDS!!! My mom had not heard from her in a long time and is not sure if she is still alive.”
Wow, the same thing happened to one of my mom’s old friends!!!!! It’s scary. These women were doing absolutely nothing wrong and had to deal with the consequences of someone else’s bad choices…
@DU2 @kia @Jamila :/
@DU2 @kia I know of a woman who was given HIV by her husband, too.
A cheating spouse is serious stuff.
@kia ” He cheated on her for years with hundreds of women and might have given her std’s. That’s a perfect reason for divorce.”
True, but she only decided to divorce him when it became public what he was doing. I’m sure she had at least an inkling that he was cheating on her considering how many different women there were and for how long this was all going in. She knew but decided to stay quiet until she was publicly embarrassed by his behavior.
@Jamila your post had me going back and forth and now I dont know what to think God Bless
@Jamila
“…while the young attractive white women will see that it wont work for the long-haul and so she’ll bounce while her looks are still in-tact and taking as much money with her as she can.”
Soooo, in other words, they’re smarter. lol
@Jamila
I think that that is because black women think that they have less options, Kanye West is prob not going to marry Kim. I doubt that it will last long. But she will get another man trust me even as a baby mama.
Black women need to recreate themselves from scratch.
Yeah Elin has no shame in her game, good for her. Same with women like Kate Middleton and her sis, Padma Padma Lakshmi and the list goes on.
I used to model for a bit and it was an open secret that a model’s way to secure herself and her future kids a comfortable future was snagging an older wealthy guy, settle down and pursue other interests and use the “we just bumped into each other and I didn’t even know who he was” line. What I noticed is that the most aggressive ones who went after this goal were non BW especially foreign women. Some of these women were even single mothers but that didn’t stop them. And never once did I hear anyone call them gold diggers. Unfortunately such things are frowned upon in our culture. Sometimes a BW even uttering the words “stay at home mom” is frowned upon. Why not if the husband is a good provider?
Honestly I don’t see a problem with it as long you vet well. Also some BW do this too but they usually aim too low and go after athletes and b-list entertainers who will be nobodies and broke after a few years. Even celebrity BW seem to go this route. If I had access to all those nice places and powerful people the last thing I would settle for would be an athlete with multiple baby mamas! One of the few BW who I can think of who seems to go for real wealthy is probably Naomi Campbell and maybe that’s part of the reason she gets so much hate?
Yeah Elin has no shame in her game, good for her. Same with women like Kate Middleton and her sis, Padma Padma Lakshmi and the list goes on.
I used to model for a bit and it was an open secret that a model’s way to secure herself and her future kids a comfortable future was snagging an older wealthy guy, settle down and pursue other interests and use the “we just bumped into each other and I didn’t even know who he was” line. What I noticed is that the most aggressive ones who went after this goal were non BW especially foreign women. Some of these women were even single mothers but that didn’t stop them. And never once did I hear anyone call them gold diggers. Unfortunately such things are frowned upon in our culture. Sometimes a BW even uttering the words “stay at home mom” is frowned upon. Why not if the husband is a good provider?
Honestly I don’t see a problem with it as long you vet well. Also some BW do this too but they usually aim too low and go after z-list athletes and c-list entertainers who will be nobodies and broke after a few years. Even celebrity BW seem to go this route. If I had access to all those nice places and powerful people the last thing I would settle for would be a z- list athlete with multiple baby mamas! One of the few BW who I can think of who seems to go for real wealthy is probably Naomi Campbell and maybe that’s part of the reason she gets so much hate?
@JuneBug277
Black women just dont know how. They just dont.
@JuneBug277
But I think that this next generation has a lot more sophisticated, savy, cunning black girls in it.
Can I take a minute here? Look at that photo of Elin that heads this article. Tiger had that at home and could not keep it in his pants? What does a woman have to be? Elin, by most mens measure is drop dead gorgous and a lot of guys would be happy to have her. I mean work three jobs and sleep on the floor for her and Tiger had to bang every shank he could find? Most not any better looking trhat what he had already at home?
That is why I give no * for Tiger. I have completly run out. More power to the ex for taking care of hers.
@Brenda55 Beauty only gets your foot in the door.
@keimiasmoon
True. And if you look at the track record of black men with beautiful white women, it aint good.
@keimiasmoon True, beauty is a factor, but it isn’t the end all be all. I think most of us know that, though. Also, just as I like for a man to love my look, but not to be with me JUST for looks, Men like attracting women with their money and lifestyle, but I’m pretty sure they don’t want to just be seen as a bank account and nothing else……If they do, it will get old, eventually. Men have feelings too.. Personality and chemistry definitely matters as well.
There are plenty of black women who are thin, beautiful, and have a perfect complexion and they still aren’t dating these wealthy men. I guess it all depends on your circle of friends and what you’re into.
Like you said, it depends on your circle of friends. To date wealthy, you have to rub elbows with the wealthy.
@SheThrives11
Yep! Ellen is used to that type of lifestyle and in that circle, so it’s natural that she would date men who are loaded. Most regular women going are not going around trying to snag famous people or billionaires….It can happen, but I don’t even think I’d want to live that lifestyle. I couldn’t keep up…sounds overwhelming…I want my privacy.. However, if I was in the same circle as Elin, I would date billionaires too! I’d just narrow it down to the one I like the most and actually have a connection with.
@MySmile @SheThrives11 I agree about having a connection. That, and chemistry, plus shared values about family and life in general.
Christelyn, keep talking about the importance of a healthy and ATTRACTIVE weight. This whole “thick” mindset is just another trick used by black men and the BC to keep bw labeled as “undesireable”.
@Kels
‘This whole “thick” mindset is just another trick used by black men and the BC to keep bw labeled as “undesireable”. I agree. I had a crude BM on my way to the libary once tell me how he would like to get me fat, and have his kids down south-LOL. Crazy very DBR.
@geneaj @KelsThat’s ridiculous. No man is going to pursue a particular body time based on some imaginary “trick”. Couldn’t it simply be that black men quite simply can find appeal in a variety of body sizes? It’s not like lean black women are not getting attention, but heavier black (and Hispanic) women get a greater share of attention than heavier women of other groups. Is this a bad thing?
@geneaj @Kels
I doubt that it’s a trick. Some groups of men are smiply more open to a variety of sizes. Slender black women get attention, but so do heavier ones.
@Good Of course it’s not always a trick, sometimes it is simple….some men are just more open….but other times, it does have to do with people playing mind games. I’ve been told “I’m too thick to date a white guy”….say what? I’m not even that thick haha. I’ve also been asked if I was losing weight for white men hahaha…. Some black men really don’t like white men and other men finding a bw attractive….
@Kels But what is an attractive weight? One second I hear “thin is in” and the next “no one wants a bag of bones” or “men like women with curves” etc. etc. If it’s not one thing it’s the next.
@Dandelion100 @Kels I’m guessing slim (not skinny!) and curvy–that seems to fit all the criteria you listed above. Yet there’s variation due to people’s individual preferences.
@onmywayup @Dandelion100 @Kels Slim and curvy is good.
@Dandelion100 @Kels Different strokes. But you are unlikely to go wrong with slender but healthy, or athletic, or curves with an obviously tucked in waist. You might attract diff groups of men with each of those, but you will definitely attract.
@Dandelion100 @Kels I’m a size 2, but in my case, it’s not about being thin; I simply like to maintain a very active/healthy lifestyle.
I’m not into dieting or counting calories. I tend to eat a lot of natural foods; also, I drink lots of water and jog whenever I can. Nature takes care of the rest…
@April_Flowers @Dandelion100 @Kels I need it to be warm again so I can get back to jogging. I didn’t have any winter gear so I couldn’t really do it like I wanted to this winter. 🙁
Did a lot of indoor exercises, but this post REALLY makes me want to get back outside.
@April_Flowers @Kels I’m a zero. I’ve been thin my whole life and that probably won’t change especially since I’m a vegetarian. I’m tall as well so I’m just one big walking stick. Woohoo! *sarcasm* lol
@Dandelion100 @April_Flowers @Kels Tall and thin is a GREAT combination — rock what ya got!
@DWB @Dandelion100 @April_Flowers @Kels
Indeed! I think my daughter hit the genetic jackpot. She has my thinness and my husband’s height!
@The Working Home Keeper @Dandelion100 @April_Flowers @Kels If she has your beauty as well, perhaps your husband will have to invest in a shot gun 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPC14B5Z7J4
@DWB @Dandelion100 @April_Flowers @Kels
Awww! 🙂 I love that song!
Not sure how well they are as an example. He is 20 – 21 years older than her (Tiger was only 5 years older) and himself a divorced man after being married to his wife for only 7 years. Plus, so far they are only dating and not dating each other exclusively.
Ha! When this story broke, several BM I know called her a gold digger. Whatevs, she’s winning. As far as older men, if you have common interests with one, why not? That’s usually been my barrier, I haven’t had anything in common with the older men that approached me, and the ones that I didn’t know weren’t engaging enough for me to consider. But I WOULD go on a date with Bill O’Reilly. I hear he’s in the process of getting a divorce. I don’t know enough about his character to consider dating long term but I could definitely do dinner with him. I know we’d have a lot to talk about. I used to watch his show religiously so we could talk about politics, current events, etc.
@dani-BBW I love Bill too. I don’t watch his show but I love his mix of intelligence with alpha-male aggression.
@SheThrives11 Yes! I find his TV tantrums, er, intriguing. And I always thought he was the voice of sanity at Fox news. I really do think he makes an effort to be fair and balanced, though he definitely has a conservative outlook/prism. Call me Bill, LOL!
I can’t really speak to the Elin part of the story but I like everything you have to say about black women playing up our unique beauty and getting our mental and physical selves together. Taking care of yourself is a sign of self-love and results in confidence. Nothing attracts a quality mate by knowing your value and being confident and whole in who you are. I wish more black women would pick up on this and know it is the true key to success. In love and life in general.
Love what you posted. f wish someone would do a blog on what puts bw on a unique plateau and what can knock her down. I never tell bw what to think but I do have obsevations.
The best comment!! Agree 100%
I don’t think it’s really how you look I think it’s the type of woman you are and who you go after. Elin has a twin sister and I don’t ever see her linked to billionaires IDK maybe she’s married by now but with the connections she has and if its so easy she would probably be boo’d up with a billionaire as well. They both started as nannies. Some women just don’t put money before love.
And I don’t know what sites you guys read but Elin is definitely called a gold digger by white people as well.
Well one things for sure, regardless what other people may be saying about her, she didn’t let their words stop her from getting her life, and getting a much better one at that.
Well, one thing’s for sure: She didn’t let nasty comments from other people stop her from moving on and getting her life.
I have to say that I probably would have handled the situation with tiger the same way. He did hurt her. Both women in the picture are beautiful, but the reality is not the majority looks like the both of them or are built with perfect bodies, even no matter how much we work out. I know we women black and white can play up our beauty commodities to when over men just by pouting our lips and flashing that grin. Make-up and hair can be a huge part of it. I know especially black women, have also felt as if they were in the back ground only and not seen as beautiful. Truth is we have hips, boobs, lips and may be a size 12 or 14. We are still beautiful and may be more well rounded as people to catch that billionaire/Millionaire. I personally would just settle for a man who can be capable of taking care of me and if needed I can care for him. Yes he has to have a great career…. I like to shop….
@Morenika “Yes he has to have a great career…. I like to shop….”
;D
Titi Adenuga’s husband has a net worth of 3 billion, and she is a chunky woman:
http://thishousewillexist.org/img/titi_adenuga_smile.jpg
@Good I googled. It so happened that her man liked big boobs and booty. She showed up for a job interview and he went, “O_O” and they’ve been together ever since. Still shows that men are visual creatures. He knew exactly what physical attributes he wanted and she fit them, so he pursued her.
I think it’s one of those things where she was in the right place at the right time. But she probably also had other attributes that separated her from other plus sized women he’s no doubt come across.
But in any case, good for her. 🙂
…I still say work like hell to get in the best shape you possibly can. o/
@Toni_M @Good You should stay in shape because it is HEALTHY … if you are looking the best that YOU can, someone out there will recognize your unique beauty and step up … not everybody likes the same things.
@DWB True. Like I said, how many women that were the size of Titi were no doubt grinning in her soon to be husband’s face? In addition to her physical attributes which he remembered being drawn to, there had to be something else that made her stand out.
However, there is no reason you can’t cover all your bases as best you can based on what you’ve got going for you or what you want to have going for you.
And don’t be afraid to be around men who like certain, er, attributes as opposed to others that you happen to lack. It’s all about what you’ve got and knowing how and when to use it.
@Toni_M “And don’t be afraid to be around men who like certain, er, attributes as opposed to others that you happen to lack. It’s all about what you’ve got and knowing how and when to use it.”
Completely agree … heck, if a woman is confident, don’t be surprised if a man is attracted to her even if she is not “his type.”
@Good
I hate the use of the word “chunky” when describing a woman…. sounds like a big stale cookie.
@Lexi88 @Good I always liked the description “thick” or well-built. Though, a woman that looks LIKE A WOMAN works for me as well.
@DWB @Lexi88
Ok. I will use better terminology.
@DWB @Lexi88 @Good What? No, “brick house”?
@Toni_M @Lexi88 @Good It’s my ringtone!!!!!!! =-0
@Toni_M @DWB @Lexi88 @Good bwahahaaa!!!
@Lexi88 @Good Actually it makes me think of soup for some reason. Wasn’t there a Chunky soup?
@Toni_M @Good
YUP! It’s a campbels brand…chunky noodle. LOL
@Lexi88 @Good AHA! I knew I wasn’t crazy.
@Toni_M @Lexi88 @Good
“Actually it makes me think of soup for some reason. Wasn’t there a Chunky soup?”
Actually, I’ve looked at several women and thought Mmm Mmm Good!
@Toni_M @Lexi88
Ha! I’m going to try “curvy”.
Since we’re talking about weight…
I think it’s time we clarify a few things.
“curvy” and obese are two very different things. I see a lot of women on FB and Twitter post what they deem as “curvy” pics, when in actuality they are obese, some even morbid.
I’m not suggesting we all look like Elin, I for one think she is too thin, her size wouldn’t work for ME, but I do think we must help our friends and family understand the difference between a healthy, “curvy” body and weight, versus “Big Mama”.
@Lexi88 And this is exactly what I meant in my post. If someone is thin, then there will always be someone who says they are “too thin.” I personally wouldn’t think she is too thin at all; I’m not criticizing your post or anything, as you are entitled to your opinion and I agree with what you said (except for the too thin part). But people’s perception of weight seems to be very varied. You, for example, say she is too thin, while others will say she is the right size. There are people who would classify obese people as “curvy”, even if they are 300 pounds. So when women are encouraged to get “thin”, or healthy and curvy as you say, how the heck do we even know what that is? What exactly classifies as curvy? You’ll be too skinny for one person or too fat for another. And honestly if you say this woman is too thin then I must be a twig lol.
@Dandelion100
Notice I said too thin for ME. Meaning, while I’m trying to lose weight (currently size 14), I do not want to go pass a comfortable 10. That is because of the way I’m built and shape. “Curvy” implies a shapely CURVE. There is this huge misconception in the BC that every morbid/obese woman is curvy, therefore should remain that way. I love myself at every size, but would never lie to myself and pretend I’m “curvy or “thick” if I am obese. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but obesity is in the size of your waist. Find your healthy, whether it is a size 0 or a size 16, and make it work for you.
My motto is simple, since I’m not attracted to overweight men, and don’t care to date one, I have to work on my weight as well. You can not ask of anyone what you yourself can’t deliver.
@Lexi88 @Dandelion100 I also don’t think Elin is too thin, and she doesn’t look bony or anything in those pics but I get what you’re saying about that being too thin for you. Every woman’s body is not built to be like that, but everyone can find their healthy. I actually think Elin has a great body..looks like she has a few curves…She is slim but not bony…looks like she puts in work at the gym!!! I’m not sure if I could get that small naturally (not sure what size she is..but currently I’m a 9 in juniors’ pants), but I could get closer to that size than the bw up there (looks great on her, but there is no way that’s happening for me..I’d look sick!!).
@Dandelion100 @Lexi88
Just look at a healthy weight chart, BMI, and healthy waist charts. It’s really not that hard. If the charts say you are underweight then you are. If they say you are overweight then you are.
This is why we need such charts, no matter what people say about their accuracy, because people can’t tell what is a healthy weight anymore. 30 years ago no one had this problem. Going back and forth about what is healthy is just distracting people or they are purposely making themselves confused for personal reasons. Most people know the difference between being underweight, having a small frame, having a large frame, being overweight, and being obese. They can see why someone is attractive to most people and that one doesn’t feel attraction due to personal tastes. Let’s stop pretending people…
@Dandelion100
“But people’s perception of weight seems to be very varied.”
I so get what you are saying. As for me, I try to have as few conversations about weight with black women as possible because I am generally mocked for being “too thin”. Then there is the inevitable defensive line like, “Well I’m not going to starve myself…” And I’m all, “No one asked you to so where did that come from?”
Also I recognize that “starve” to her might be the supposed result of eating a kale salad and a palm-sized serving of fish for dinner (GASP) whereas for me that is filling and just my standard.
Hi, Hi. I am 18, 5*5 and 146 pounds. I use to be 170. That is a lot of pounds lost! I only have about 20 pounds to go before I become hot! I have gotten so much positive feedback because of my weight loss. And smaller sized jeans never felt so good! Anyways, there are particular comments that my grandmother always makes…”Be careful not to lose too much weight” or “Don’t lose all of your hips” or ” You don’t want to be anorexic!” Naturally, her concern comes from a place of love. However, there is this part of me, a little nagging feeling; her comments are rooted in jealousy. I remember her criticizing my weight as a child. My mother has said even nastier things. “You going to get big as a house” ” Better stop eating or you’ll be big as an ox” or simply “you need to lose weight because you are too big or fat.” (Does anyone else think this is a little too harsh for a seven year old to hear?) They never gave me sound advice for weightless either. I was always the biggest one in the household. Now, I do not hold that place anymore (winning). After, I hadn’t seen my mother in a year (She didn’t even recognize me!) I had big natural hair (which she thought was a weave). I was dressed nice and I lost weight. And the kicker, she actually called me pretty. The first time ever since life happened.
My weight loss journey has been filled with ups and downs, but it’s coming along fairly well. I do not know where I would be without blogs (and YouTube) such as BBW. What I am about to say probably sounds strange but I am fully prepared to walk through the hottest fire in hell for some black women. (Okay, a lot of black women in my life). I have been helped immensely and nurtured (not even by my own family at times). There are not enough thankyou’s in the world, seriously. I forgot what else I wanted to say ( darn ADD). It doesn’t matter at this point. I know my worth. And it feels good. Now, I am constantly winning in school, in romance, at life.
@SmartQuietBeauty
Good for you! There’s no doubt when you lose weight it just makes you feel so great about yourself!
@SmartQuietBeauty Wow, your story reminds me of my own. I lost around 20 pounds in the last year. I used to be in the 170s as well. I’m now around 156 and I’m about 5’6. My goal is somewhere in the 130s. You are doing awesome…at 146, you don’t have that much longer to go! I was the biggest in my family also (not including my extended family, just my dad, mom, siblings.). My mom also used to make the comments about my weight. claiming she was joking. It hurt me more than she’ll ever know. I’m trying to move on from it, though. It does feel nice for her to make positive comments about my weight loss, but I’m mainly doing this for me (health and to have a hot body, of course!).
“Now, I am constantly winning in school, in romance, at life.”
Haha that made me smile and laugh. I’m so happy you didn’t allow the opinions of others to push you down a self destructive path.
@SmartQuietBeauty
Big Huge E-HUGS, Sweetie!!! ~~*
@SmartQuietBeauty Girl, you make my life worth living. Every time I get notes like this I know I’m in the right line of work. Hugs and congrats on your new, EMPOWERED self!
@Christelyn @SmartQuietBeauty
Congrats! I am happy to hear about our success and I hope you experience more success and winning in the future!
Thought I’d throw this in here.
http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/the-op-eds/get-life-why-arent-we-talking-about-fat-black-men/
“We talk so much about overweight Black women—from “concerned” discussions of studies that reveal troubling rates of obesity in sisters, to snarky comments about how fat Black women should stop thinking they’re “cute” and focus on getting fit (’cause, you know, you can’t possibly find yourself attractive and work on your health at the same time). What we rarely hear about, though, is how 70% of Black men, age 20 or over, are currently overweight. When it comes to high blood pressure, men have the ladies outnumbered; 26% of Black men are sufferers, in comparison to 23% of Black women. Type 2 diabetes? More Black men are being diagnosed with the disease and, unsurprisingly, 30% more Black men are succumbing to diabetes than women. Excerpted from Get Life: Why Aren’t We Talking About Fat Black Men? | A Black Girl’s Guide To Weight Loss
Brenda55 – ‘Why Aren’t We Talking About Fat Black Men?’
Because I’m not concerned about fat black men. Black women have their own issues to worry about. If black men are concerned about losing weight and eating healthy. They know where the gym is.
@kia BOOM.
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What do you mean by ‘Undefined’?
@kia
that was a software glitch. Ignore it.
@kia
Word..
@Brenda55
“why Aren’t We Talking About Fat Black Men?”
We talk about them a lot. But not in the same manner as women. They are accepted and given a pass, while “fat” black women are nasty, smelly fatties….
@Lexi88 @Brenda55 Not by me. I am not Princess Leia. :B
@Lexi88 @Brenda55 Okay, my previous comment was rather mean. What I mean is that I already know that morbidly obese black men do not attract me, though I’ve had a few try and spit game at me because they just knew I’d be thrilled to have them acknowledge my lowly existence.
It’s like anything though, men typically get a pass in the looks department. Just ask Hollywood.
@Toni_M @Brenda55
I don’t care for the big “Teddy Bear” type either.
In Hollywood and in real life (notably the BC), men don’t have to do much to get a woman.
@Lexi88 @Toni_M @Brenda55
“In Hollywood and in real life (notably the BC), men don’t have to do much to get a woman.”
And this is the thing that greatly confuses me. In this post and in this blog in general there is so much talk about how women should stay fit and attractive for men. I know this blog is for women obviously, but why isn’t the same expected for men? Why aren’t men expected to put effort into their looks for women? Why are we the ones who have to stay attractive while men pretty much get a free pass? And if a man does put effort into his appearance, the he’s metrosexual or secretly gay. This is a double standard in my opinion.
@Dandelion100 @Lexi88 @Toni_M @Brenda55
I agree with you. At times, it is very annoying that women have to jump through hoops for men..sometimes it ticks me off that some women don’t expect anything out of men appearance wise (I use to be that girl). This is partially why women are so f-d up when it comes to self image now. I still struggle with it. I truly enjoy looking good for myself and men (I also like wearing makeup) but I just can’t be that woman who eats a salad every day or whatnot…. love salads, but no. I like steak..and potatoes.. I don’t eat whatever I want all the time, but I’m a real person. When I get to what is an acceptable size for me (which is average weight), I will be happier with my appearance. I will still continue to work out, but I’m not trying to be that girl who freaks out if her thighs touch, even slightly. That’s a life of misery in my opinion. I think it’s great to be weight or health conscious, but some people take it to another level.
“And if a man does put effort into his appearance, the he’s metrosexual or secretly gay.”
Now, in this way, I’m more traditional/ stereotypical, but not 100%. I like a man who puts effort into his appearance, but makes it look effortless. I can not have a man who gets manicures, waxes his chest, spends an hour to get dressed, or puts more effort into it than I do… That’s a pretty boy or metrosexual, to me…and I’ll pass on that, but at the same time, I don’t want someone who looks sloppy (ill fitting clothes, looks like they don’t wash or brush their teeth). It’s cool if they are a more plain dresser, though.
Since I workout on a regular basis, now, I would like a future partner to do the same. At the very least, I would like for them to maintain a healthy weight and at least a slightly active lifestyle if they don’t work out at the gym (walks the dog, goes swimming, etc). This will be even more important when I get down to my desired weight. He does not have to have a six pack or be in top shape (again, I am not in a position to expect those types of things) but the giant beer gut (or a man with boobs and a pregnant belly) is not really that attractive to me….
@MySmile @Dandelion100 @Lexi88 @Toni_M @Brenda55 I’ve heard them referred to as moobs…
@Dandelion100 @Lexi88 @Toni_M @Brenda55
Staying fit and healthy is not only for the purpose of catching the eyes of a man. Black women are dropping like flies and living very restrictive lives due to obesity. Put the search for a man aside, a healthy lifestyle benefits you. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle should be right up there with obtaining a degree, financial secure…. if not more, since you can”t do either of these, if you’re chronically ill or dead.
As far as what we expect from men and why they are not pushed to look “good” and keep it up… That is all up to you. I don’t care what Hollywood or Blackistan say, I live by my preference and rule. If you desire a man who keeps up with is health and looks, that’s the kind of man you should seek. But there is a fine line between a well dress man who keeps up with his looks and health and an undercover brotha.
@Dandelion100
This is a double standard in my opinion.
You are correct. Historically, men have been the provider (hunter), and marriage was a way for women to attain status. Remember there was a time when only men could own land which bascially was a way to attain wealth, and status. If you are the hunter, you get to dictate what is considered the best ” catch”. And historically for men, the best catch has been young ,beautiful women.
It not so much like that today, since many women have attained status through inheritance, education, and starting their own businesses. But like most double standards, they are hard to eliminate.
@mzsunshine @Dandelion100 the double standard might exist for the super rich (hello Donald trump!), but for everyday couples? I don’t think so. On the flip side of the argument, some women still expect men to pay for everything… Equality is what we are aiming for, right? So both sexes are going to have to move on and realise the world is a different place.
@wanderingdreamer @mzsunshine @Dandelion100
I still like that my husband pays for everything LOL!
@The Working Home Keeper @mzsunshine @Dandelion100 I’m sure you do lol 😛
@The Working Home Keeper @mzsunshine @Dandelion100 Funny comment! It made me lol But, to be a little serious, I honestly don’t know any young guys who expect to pay their wives way. If both sexes are working, why would you expect the guy to always pay?
@wanderingdreamer @mzsunshine @Dandelion100
Really? My husband and I both work and he always pays. It’s the same for the other couples we know as well. In our circle of friends, most have working husbands with stay at home wives. And these aren’t really older couples. Guess we’re just more traditional in that sense than most!
@The Working Home Keeper @mzsunshine @Dandelion100 yes really! lol 🙂 I understand if the wife stays at home and looks after the kids, but if they both work? Someones getting short changed and it’s not the lady…
I’m glad it works for you , I’m just thinking in a broader sense, why would a man think that was a good idea? lol
@wanderingdreamer @mzsunshine @Dandelion100
Part of it may be Southern culture. Traditional values and norms are still respected here. Most men here expect to pay when they take their lady out – whether they’re dating or long married.
@The Working Home Keeper @mzsunshine @Dandelion100 interesting! 🙂
@The Working Home Keeper @wanderingdreamer @mzsunshine @Dandelion100 I like this Southern culture.
@Lexi88 @Dandelion100 @Toni_M @Brenda55
True. Sorry if I came off as angry or anything in my last post, I just feel like men shouldn’t be looking a complete mess and expecting a woman who has it going on (though often times the woman is a little “better looking” than the man..but some men feel entitled to women wayyyy out of their league..I’ve had guys who looked smelly with missing teeth try to talk to me! lol..but that happens to us all). I’m not saying women shouldn’t keep themselves up. I do this for my health (and physical appearance) and a lot of black women are just plain unhealthy. It is important, because it’s a life or death thing. This is also why I want a partner who is fairly healthy. It would worry and bother me if they weren’t.. It’s frustrating to be with someone who just doesn’t care. There are all types of complications that come with being overweight or out of shape. I do wish more black women cared about their health and their quality of life, but it seems like it’s getting a little better
@wanderingdreamer @mzsunshine @Dandelion100
“Equality is what we are aiming for, right?”
I personally don’t want full equality, I just want respect.
@wanderingdreamer @The Working Home Keeper @mzsunshine @Dandelion100
“I honestly don’t know any young guys who expect to pay their wives way”
Really? Remind me not to go where you are, then lol….
@MySmile @Lexi88 @Dandelion100 @Toni_M @Brenda55 You didn’t come off angry….frustrated maybe :))
“I’ve had guys who looked smelly with missing teeth try to talk to me!” Sometimes guys just try. and keep trying. Whether they are teens talking to a grown woman or elderly men or men simply out of your league.
@The Working Home Keeper @wanderingdreamer @mzsunshine @Dandelion100
“Part of it may be Southern culture… Most men here expect to pay when they take their lady out ”
True, and I love it!! It has gotten a bit harder for us younger ladies, even down south, but there are still gentlemen out here.
@Lexi88 @Dandelion100 @Toni_M @Brenda55 Glad to hear that MySmile.
@MySmile @The Working Home Keeper @wanderingdreamer @mzsunshine @Dandelion100 Glad to hear that MySmile.
@MySmile @The Working Home Keeper @wanderingdreamer @mzsunshine @Dandelion100 Bonus points for the Southern accent too :)) I like it.
@KingsDaughter @Lexi88 @Dandelion100 @Toni_M @Brenda55
Yeah it makes me frustrated sometimes but like Lexi88 said, if I don’t want a guy with a sloppy appearance, then I won’t go for them. That is one area in which I am starting to want more equality in my personal relationships. Again, nothing is ever going to be a perfect balance, but if I’m putting in effort, I’d like him to do the same. I wouldn’t mind being a little hotter than the man, though 😉 I just wouldn’t like to be in a relationship that is extremely mismatched in the appearance area (I have lots of past experience with that)… I know it’s hard to really compare women and men, though…
@MySmile @Lexi88 @Dandelion100 @Toni_M @Brenda55 Actually no. There is the look of someone who takes care of their appearance, is well groomed that cuts across the genders. Sloppiness also cuts across the genders.
@Brenda55Statistically, it appears to be a much greater problem with black women regarding weight.
http://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/templates/content.aspx?ID=6456
Many of those black men who suffer from diabetes are not necessarily overweight but have unhealthy lifestyles (hypertension, high cholesteral, etc.).
@Brenda55Many black men who are not overweight suffer from hypertension high cholesteral and other ailments. But if we are talking stricktly weight, it appears to be more of a problem for black women:
http://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/templates/content.aspx?ID=6456
@Brenda55 “‘Why Aren’t We Talking About Fat Black Men?'”
Because fat black men normally don’t care as much about the fact that they are fat, just like black men in general just don’t care as much about being unmarried as black women care about being unmarried.
It’s usually the wife who ends up nagging her husband to take care of his health needs, so it’s not surprising that most of this sort of information, i.e., how to get healthy, gets directed at women and then women are supposed to pass it off to men.
@Brenda55
Because of the same reason that we are not talking about fat white women. There is a large number of black men who have really good bodies and you see them regularly. The image of black men is the black stud. With white women everywhere you go they are jogging down the street. There is a large number of white women who have really good bodies and you see them regularly. The image of the white woman is the beautiful goddess. When I am out, I see fat black women everywhere, I mean everywhere. Even in elementary, middle and high school you see fat black girls. That is the reason why such a big thing is made out of fat black women. I am not saying that it is right. You see fat black women from the ghetto to the upper class. If you go to a working class area, you will find lots of fat white women. But unfortunately, there are so many overweight black women, it is easy to highlight.
Question: How deeply can we compare Ellen to black women? This goes back to that post Chris did a few weeks ago about white women having the ability to re-marry 5 minutes after divorcing. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/question-white-women-married-minutes-divorce/. I can appreciate the encouragement for black women to take cues from Ellen and get the best out of life and not let anything stop them, but how closely can we take cues from Ellen? That article popped up in my head when I read this.
@DU2 “but how closely can we take cues from Ellen?”
Step One: Recognize that the man you were with was a loser. A man who cheated on you repeatedly and took you for granted.
Step Two: Get the hell out of dodge.
Step Three: Using your connections, status, and knowing your value, make it known that you are single and looking for a quality mate.
Step Four: Rather than repeat your previous mistakes by marrying another DBR, improve your situation through setting better standards for yourself and moving upward and onward
Step Five: Side-step any person that would try and guilt trip you into settling for less, ESPECIALLY because of your race and gender.
Step Six: Do you, and live a happy and fulfilling life with someone else, not giving a flying hoot about haters and DBRs who are pressed because you put your best interests first.
Or something to that effect.
@Toni_M @DU2
I admire her ability to bounce back and not allow his mistakes to dictate how she will live the rest of her life. Yes, I know the money helps, but there are plenty of rich people who’ve allowed one bad relationship to reshape their views on men and the world
( usually in a bad light). Black women have a tendency to throw in the towel and label themselves “damaged good”, after a divorce and having children. Elin, is a fine example of the opposite. There is life and love after a bad breakup! get up and find it.
@Lexi88
Whose to say, Elin was probably just waiting for a good opportunity to leave. And, he gave it to her.
@Toni_M @DU2 Brilliant!
@DU2 Personally, I think the guy Elin is dating is too old (for me, anyways), I’ve never been one to encourage black women to date men who are more than a decade older than them. I understand that women have been doing this (marrying older men) for financial stability and security for eons, but I generally shy a.way from encouraging black women to seek out men who are much older than them
@Jamila 🙂
@Jamila
I personally don’t like older men for dating either …
@PamelaFoster @Jamila
Same here. I don’t date men that much older than me but Elin is 10 years older than me and the age gap matters less as you get older.. Regardless of my age, however, I doubt I would date someone 20 years older than me…. I’m not knocking it…just not for me.
@MySmile @PamelaFoster @Jamila I think 21 years is a huge difference any way you cut it. If she was 50 and he 71….big difference still. 10 years wouldn’t be so bad at that age.
@MySmile @Jamila
I hear ya! I say for women that can handle older guys: go for it. I am not sexually attracted to older guys no matter their status or pocket–you got to know what works for you..
@PamelaFoster @Jamila I think some older men are attractive, I just don’t want to date them!
@MySmile
^5 lady!
@Jamila @DU2 Agreed.
Her tan is almost as dark as a bw.
@simply lois These pictures of Elin are old. They were taken during her pre-Tiger days when she was still modeling. After she started dating Tiger she went to the photographer she used to work with and asked him to stop selling/posting certain pictures of her that might be considered too risque for a woman who was looking to marry up.
Elin’s face looks much more haggard and aged now.
@Jamila @simply lois
“Elin’s face looks much more haggard and aged now.”
Oooooooo meow. LOL.
@Brenda55 @simply lois It’s true. Often these white women who are models and are very slim and athletic in their youth are attractive women, but as you age–and since your a nurse I know you already know this–the little bit of baby fat that they have starts to melt away and then they look gaunt and older before their time. It’s part of why women of color like J-Lo stay attractive for so long–they still have some fat on their faces and on their body’s to keep them looking youthful. Now compare JLO’s body to Madonna’s body–a woman’s whose own ex-husband said lying next to her was like “cuddling a piece of gristle.”
@Jamila @Brenda55 @simply lois He said what?!!!
I think the problem with with Madonna has nothing to be with her being white. I don’t know what kind of exercises she does but she OVER does it. Her arms are frightening.
@Jamila @Brenda55 @simply lois I think the problem with Madonna has nothing to be with her being white. I don’t know what kind of exercises she does but she OVER does it. Her arms are frightening.
@Jamila @Brenda55 @simply lois The problem with Madonna has nothing with her being white. She OVER EXERCISES .
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/06_03/MadonnaDM2606_468x1272.jpg
There are worse pictures but the point is it’s good to not over do it.
@Brenda55 @Jamila @simply lois LOL
@KingsDaughter @Jamila @Brenda55 @simply lois
and she smokes.
@mzsunshine @Jamila @Brenda55 @simply lois I didn’t know that. That’s self-defeating.
@Jamila ” Madonna’s body–a woman’s whose own ex-husband said lying next to her was like “cuddling a piece of gristle.”
Now that hurts.
@Jamila @Brenda55 @simply lois DAYUM, THAT’S COLD. :S
@KingsDaughter @Jamila @Brenda55 @simply lois Yikes.
@Jamila @simply lois http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7yla3tzEt1r2i83co1_400.gif
@Toni_M @Jamila @simply loisHahaaaa!!!
@Toni_M @Jamila @simply lois I almost spit out my tea! Bwhahahahahaha!!!
am i da only one on this blog who is super duper mystified why elin is being raised to saint hood for seducing rich men with her looks?
@jakethewrestler
The way I see it, these old men know what they are getting and the younger women know what’s up too. Everyone is just playing their part: the women are trading their looks and sexuality for the mans’ ability to provide financially and in other ways. These men are more than happy to allow themselves to be seduced by younger women looking to make a come-up.
@Jamila im clear on the males motive but also some BW even though they look like Royalty just plain settle? smh?
@jakethewrestler @Jamila Like I said, it’s not something *I* would do, but I can see why other women might make that choice.
@jakethewrestler I’m not a fan of Elin, and certainly do not see her as a saint, but I think a lot of times Black women are made to feel bad for going after men who can be providers. We are told that’s gold-digging and we should stay with the unemployed or underemployed Black man because he’s a “Good Black Man”. (Basic Tyler Perry plot right there.) But in an extreme generalization, men like their eye candy and women like providers. I’m not gonna say the 50 year old dude isn’t eye candy, because I haven’t seen him. And it might be the case that she finds him hot, but I’m pretty sure his money has a lot to do with it (and let’s be honest, Tiger wasn’t a 10 either, so his money was probably key as well.)
I’m not that extreme but the potential earnings do factor into my decision. If you’re 30 years old and your aspiration is to become a rapper and you live in Bumfuk, Arizona, well sorry I don’t care how fine you are, that’s not gonna cut it with me. (I really have met guys like this.) I have dated a man 10 years older than me who had a good job at a college, but he was also fine as heck. 😛
Bumfuk, Arizona 🙂 🙂 🙂
@keimiasmoon @jakethewrestler
I live in Bumfuk NM, and it’s really pathetic seeing 30-something year old men trying to become rappers. Running into these dudes is always hilarious/just plain sad.
@keimiasmoon @jakethewrestler
I feel that there is no problem wanting a man who is financially stable and can secure a good future. I want to marry a man who can at least provide us with a nice or decent lifestyle (preferably upper middle class…but that’s not set in stone..at least middle class, though..now that’s set in stone!!!) and knows how to manage his money. On the other hand, there is no way I’m marrying just for money. I don’t want a man who has so much money that I am basically helpless in the relationship. Beauty is a form of power, but it won’t get you through everything. I’m not trying to land a pro sports player or billionaire, that guy who works downtown in the suit and tie will do (as long as he has his stuff together). I’m also not going to marry someone I have no chemistry with. Some men think they can just throw their money out and you will do anything for them..not happening! Money is a part of the equation (an important part), but it’s not the only part. I really feel like you can have both.
@MySmile @keimiasmoon MySmaile you are smart real and beautiful you deserve a successful tall strong Prince
@MySmile @keimiasmoon MySmaile you are smart real and beautiful you deserve a successful tall strong Prince and young
@MySmile @keimiasmoon @jakethewrestler Most young men want a woman who can bring as much to the table as them as well. The day when the man only provided for the family are long gone. Most people also marry within their “class”. Lawyers don’t usually marry waitresses.
@jakethewrestler @MySmile @keimiasmoon Aww thanks!!!
@wanderingdreamer @MySmile @jakethewrestler I agree! And that’s why I hate the message being sent to young Black women is that if you become educated prepare to be single, childless and lonely. (What poison!) That is so not true, because there are men who value that.
@jakethewrestler @MySmile @keimiasmoon Thanks!. ^_^
@keimiasmoon @wanderingdreamer @MySmile @jakethewrestler It seems to me that along with long-lasting beauty, BW’s education, career and financial success should be among their GREATEST attributes.
@MySmile
That’s right. Set yo standards, girl
@The_Boss @MySmile You said it Boss!!
@jakethewrestler LOLOL I had to read the article twice!!
I normaly dont get likes! WOW 9!!
@jakethewrestler Go Jake! 🙂 Although, you know I don’t agree with your premise that dating older men is considered settling. Some women, including black women, prefer older men.
@The Working Home Keeper @Kia @Thecrazyartiist @KingsDaughter i think BW often settle for less even though they have the most to offer. (not talkin about age only) This is what propels me to read and post on these blogs.
Butterfly12 – ‘There is a large number of black men who have really good bodies and you see them regularly. With white women, everywhere you go they are jogging down the street. There is a large number of white women who have really good bodies and you see them regularly. When I am out, I see fat black women everywhere. But unfortunately, there are so many overweight black women, it is easy to highlight.’
As a black woman – I do agree that more black women would be at the top of the list with global quality men if they dropped the weight, focused on their education, and stopped going after loser men. But black men also have just as much of a weight problem as black women. So its strange that you would say that only black women have a weight problem and not black men. It seems that your saying that most black women are fat, and white women and black men are not – which leads me to think that your glorifying white women and black men, while dissing black women – which leaves me to wondering why your really here.
MySmile – ‘Of course it’s not always a trick, sometimes it is simple, some men are just more open. But other times, it does have to do with people playing mind games. I’ve been told “I’m too thick to date a white guy”–say what? I’m not even that thick. I’ve also been asked if I was losing weight for white men. Some black men really don’t like white men and other men finding a black women attractive.’
If those were black men saying that to you. Yes, they were playing mind games with you. There are black men who want to keep black women confused and unattractive to other global quality men. Which is why black women should stay away from most black men. Those are the exact type of mind games that black men play with black women in – ‘Why Saying, “You Aaaiight” Can Be So Damaging to Young Black Girls – Peep the Game, Play Smarter.’ — Dissing black women so they crave attention from dbr men, and brainwashing them psychologically to stay away from global quality men.
@kia
No I am not. If you read my comment, I stated that there are a LOT of fat white women. There are also low class white women but they can control their image because they have the power to do so. You took certain parts of what I stated and left others out. I will not touch that subject again because I see that it really ruffled your feathers. Why would I dis black women? I am talking about the PERCEPTION.
I have nothing more to state about that subject cause weight is not a sensitive issue for me personally.
I love, love, love this article. Especially the part about the age difference. Ladies please please please don’t write off older men! They are often better than younger men in soooo many ways.
@Joyce345 I write them off because:
1. They’re generally not physically attractive- to me.
2. I want to have kids- not keen my children having an elderly Dad.
3. They tend to have ex wives and (grown) kids.
However, I do know that some women love older guys, and that’s what they go for. Everyone has a preference so let them pursue it 🙂
@Joyce345 Agree! Some young women actually do prefer older men. When I was single (18 – 20), I typically dated men that were older, sometimes 20 years older. Of course, some people automatically think its about the money. But, there are other things older men bring to the table. Personally, I found their confidence and self-assuredness attractive. I currently work with a lot of older, white men (that’s pretty much the demographic of the executives in my industry). And let me tell you, these gentlemen are far from your Wal-Mart greeter, one foot in the nursing home, one foot in the grave types!
@The Working Home Keeper @Joyce345
“these gentlemen are far from your Wal-Mart greeter, one foot in the nursing home, one foot in the grave types!”
lol!!!!
@Joyce345 I don’t know if you’re talking about a few years older or much older men. I’m guessing the latter (you’ll correct me if I’m wrong)
Here’s why I write them off:
-Generally not attracted to them
-I want to have kids and I want them to have a young energetic father who will, God-willing, be in their lives for a looong time. Not an old Dad.
-Older men tend to come with ex- wives and kids . I’m not keen on that
That being said there are women who go for older men and everyone has a preference about something so all the best to them!
@KingsDaughter
I can’t really say what kind of age gap is too big because that is an individual thing. My husband is 10 years older than me and me and the only difference between us is that he has some grey hairs. He is actually much fitter than I am physically because he does A LOT of running lol. I find that older guys have no problems taking on responsibilities.
@Joyce345 For me >5 is too much 🙂 It’s good that your husband is purposeful about being fit and healthy. We should all be that way and the earlier you start, the better.
@KingsDaughter @Joyce345 I say it depends. My husband is six years older, but we were in our 30s when we met. He, like me, was never married and had no kids.
I did casually date some older (5+) men when I was in my 20s, but it didn’t appeal to me overall because of the ex-wife and kid thing. Sorry, but as an optimistic 20-something, those guys in their 30s and 40s coming out of divorces and handling custody issues just came off as world-weary and beaten down… I didn’t care how much money they had or how good they looked. Plus, they usually were not where I was in terms of wanting marriage. Being never married and childless, I wanted both in the very near future. They were not really about that at that time… they just wanted to casually date.
Now, if for some reason I ended up single again, I’d date up to 15 years or so… but that’s because I’d feel I was in the same boat as those guys. Previously married, with a kid, etc… I do think younger women should be careful dating older guys if they are looking to marry and have kids for the first time. Older guys just seemed to make serious relationships waaaay too complicated because they’d been there, done that.
@Bunny77 @Joyce345 I agree, especially on the last sentence.
@KingsDaughter @Bunny77 @Joyce345
I am attracted to older men, not for money, but because I really think 35-40 year old men are better looking than men in their early 20’s. Vetting is important though. One guy I met was 36, and recent;y divorced from his wife of 7 years (about a year finalized). He married young, was an evangelical chrisitian, but left the church about 10 years into his marriage, that is when the problems started. He was casually seeing other women while still married(this was a red flag), and changed his outlook on life completely.
This was a man desperately trying to recapture his youth that he felt was wasted, and attended some pretty ratchet college parties most people with an iota of common sense would not go to. So the equation already had a bitter betrayed ex wife and a massive mid life crisis. I live near colorado(3 hours away), add amendment 64 being passed to the equation, and homeboy went WILD, left for a weekend and got really high, he was high the last time I saw him.
So midlife crisis + angry(rightfully so) ex wife + marijuana = disaster waiting to happen.
Lets not leave out the downside to this wealthy older man marrying sexy young women. It’s only a matter of time before he pushes you to the side and grabs a younger version of yourself. Look at all the old hags on Beverly Hills housewives. Women like this get dumped and cheated on all the time because all they were was an accessory. Then they hit 40 looking 60, no offense but we know white women do not age well, and they get all this work done to try and compete with the young girls. And you better believe he is making you sign a prenup so now they are older washed up with not much to show for it. The grass is not always greener.
And this is one advantage black women have: We age like fine wine.
Also, as you saw with Elin, she was cheated on and moved on. No one’s saying be exactly like her/WW in general, but to simply look at a situation you’re in, look at what your assets are and then improve.
Also….VET.
#1 I am sooo tired of people telling black women to lose weight to get a man. The average size in america is a 14. Folks BW only make about 7% of the population, therefore when I hear people say, black women would be more attractive if.. I take issue with that seeing that I see plenty of overweight WW and LW running around with hot men that take care of them.
I am not saying be unhealthy but I think we should promote being healthy and a healthy weight according to our structure. No matter how hard I work out I will never have the body of Elin. 2nd I feel that telling women to get into shape for the sake of a many is just unhealthy. What we should be promoting is for women to be the best that THEY can be for themselves and the man will follow. Because trust I know plenty of WW who wrapped themselves into a pretzel trying to please a man and he left or cheated anyway, case in point the lady above.
Also, don’t be fooled not all WW work out or eat healthy. A lot of my WW friends had eating disorders and drug habits to be skinny.
All I am saying is, promote healthy living. I would walk a mile three times a week and do yoga twice a week and I had the best body I ever had. I ate more veggies than meat and I felt good. Women should do what is best for their lives and for their self esteem and NOT for some imaginary man that may or may not come along.
@Shulamit Quite right. America has a weight problem, but one can delude themselves into thinking other wise if your put a black female face on the matter. You can make her the whipping boy and tisk, tisk while you continue to stuff your face with supersized meals and processed foods.
Women need to push to be healthy at any size and need to maximize their looks with makeup and flattering clothing any what ever size they are. That is true. We also should not let the men off the hook. They are fat also for all of the judgements and name calling that they are doing.
In the end though there is a point where carrying excess weight, unhealthy foods and an unhealthy life style will catch up with you and for that reason promotion of healthier choices for everyone is not a bad thing.
@Shulamit “Also, don’t be fooled not all WW work out or eat healthy. A lot of my WW friends had eating disorders and drug habits to be skinny.”
I can’t speak for the thin women that you know, but I maintain my size 2 figure, by simply eating right and leading an active (non sedentary) lifestyle. I know that there are some thin women out there who are obsessed with remaining a small size, but not every thin woman has an eating disorder and/or uses drugs to remain in shape.
@April_Flowers @Shulamit I couldn’t agree with this more. I’ve seen it on this blog and elsewhere: because there is a perception that black women are “thick’ and overweight, once someone sees a thinner black women people are quick to say “anorexic!” It’s so annoying. And yet, white women and women of other races are supposed to be thin. Hmm.
Like the person who commented above said, black women only make up %7 of the population. It is not us who are making this country fat. With over two-thirds of the country being overweight, who do you think makes up the majority of that overweight population? HMMMMM. Now of course I do acknowledge that yes, lots of black women are overweight. But guess what? Lots of white women are overweight too. And lots of hispanic women. They are not all pushing strollers and jogging.
I can only speak for where I’m at, but everytime I walk outside I see overweight people everywhere. And it isn’t all black people. I see plenty of overweight white people and hispanic (Mexican) people. I’m guessing the further south you go in this country the fatter people get. When I was in college, I was always the thinnest person in the class; and most of the time the only black woman. At all my jobs, I was thinner than everyone else. I’m not bragging or anything, but it’s the truth. And I was surrounded mainly by hispanic and white people.
@April_Flowers That is not what I said. I said not ALL WW are thin because they work out and eat healthy. I have just as many friends who do but I have few who were on cocaine and had eating disorders. and some people are just naturally thin. I’d never be a size 2. never had been however, I’ will eat right and work out to get back to my size 6 or 8.
@April_Flowers That is not what I said. I said not ALL WW are thin because they work out and eat healthy. I have just as many friends who do but I have few who were on cocaine and had eating disorders. and some people are just naturally thin. I’d never be a size 2. never had been however, I’ will eat right and work out to get back to my size 6 or 8.
And you missed the whole point of what I was saying. A woman should be healthy for herself and not for man. its unhealthy thinking..period
@Shulamit @April_Flowers
While I do enjoy incresed male attention from weight loss, I will admit it would be damn hard to maintain it if I wasn’t doing it for me, I would have continued to down whole pizzas, 3/4lb cheeseburgers, and pints of haagen das on a regular basis if I wasn’t doing it for me. I was happiest at a size 2/ 4(at 5’9 that is quite slim ), I honestly don’t care what men like it and what men don’t. Even my own fahter says “no one but a dog wants a bone” I tell him “I dont care what men want, this is what I like”.
I find it very coincidental (am thinking Janet and her husband) that Elin Nordegren Is Dating West Virginia Coal Billionaire. Yet, she and tiggir was seen last week on a family outing. Interesting.
I prefer older men. I”ve dated up to 16 yaers older, but he was an outlier as he was a soccer coach with the body of a 20-30something. His face was 40s and his head was 60s (balding). 🙂 So yeah he looked rather old in the face. But his sexual stamina and zest for life—–ageless. Usually though I have dated 10-12 years older. Funny thing is that people think I’m about 15-20 years younger so if the man looks his age, well you can imagine. That added to the interracial aspect has made for some ignorant intrusions from strangers. Hasn’t kept me from my natural attraction to them or from acting on it but in many cases I have to make it known to the man that I am more mature than they might suspect, so that he doesn’t feel like some kind of freak asking me out. European men traditionally have had fewer inhibitions in this regard than white Americans.
I must say I’m rather divided on this issue personally.” Love and devotion are great, but they don’t pay the bills or put your children thru college.” is a quote that has it merits but I find a little offensive. Will your kids be anymore loved than anyone else if you have the money to put them through college instead of having a loving and devoted father? Is monetary value an equal exchange or better commodity than love and devotion? That seems absurd to me O_o I understand you should be looking to be with someone who can take are of himself and possibly you and his children. But what about doing what you love? Is a woman who finds artists passionateness a turn on somehow a fool because he will most likely not be rolling in money? Even if he loves her dearly to his dying day? I think this is over simplifying how people feel. I understand the cautionary don’t be fooled and VET people undertone but still that statement seems to be painting all men who don’t have everything together with a very broad brush. I’m not saying women who marry for money can’t be happy but women who marry for love can be just as happy and their husband has a mediocre job can be just as happy. Perhaps I’m just a romantic I’m not sure or maybe it’s the fact that having a stay at home husband would be fine with me since I have no problem being the bread winner. But I suppose my point is different strokes for different folks really, let’s not be quick to say money is a deciding value for all women’s happiness because it isn’t for all women. I’m all for people getting what they think they deserve but I’d rather have love and devotion over a well paying job any day and I know the point is you want both of them but I’m just saying when it comes down to choosing between the too…I’ll take love and devotion.
@somethingdifferent22 o/
Ladies, remember that Elin and the girl below her maintain their figure because they have an army of personal trainers who put them through a gruelling daily workout regimen that would put the Scots Guards to shame. They also have a dozen beauty experts to keep them looking hot.
But that’s because looking like that is their job. Their livelihood of posing for photographs in revealing clothing, flouncing down runways with sullen expressions in bizarre clothing, and making appearances for commercial products or charities in business clothing depends on them having perfect teeth, hair, lips, and curves. So their job is to look perfect, they spend the vast sums of money they earn on looking perfect, and hire expensive experts to make them look perfect.
And then, when age catches up with them (amazingly at age 30), and they are “too old” to be clothes hangers, they marry wealthy men (whom they divorce later, when they catch him bopping the kitchen maid), and then write books in which they spill the beans about how they REALLY got into that shape: bulimia and drugs.
Also, these ladies may act like bubbleheads in interviews, to enhance their images, but if you ask them about their finances and business deals, they turn into harsh, cold capitalists. They know darn well how to make that buck and hold on to it. They have short shelf lives, so they make as much as they can now, so they don’t have to work in Burger King in the future.
As a guy, I’m always amused when they prattle about how they would date an “ordinary guy.” They haven’t had a real conversation with an “ordinary guy” since they signed that contract with Wilhelmina at age 15. They have bodyguards, security cameras, limousines, fly in first class, personal assistants, business managers, and PR handlers…they live in a very different world from you and me.
But don’t envy them. Between the bulimia, the cheating husbands, and the lack of privacy, they have a lot of grief I’m sure nobody really wants. Some of them wind up bankrupt, too.
@Kiwiwriter “Ladies, remember that Elin and the girl below her maintain their figure because they have an army of personal trainers who put them through a gruelling daily workout regimen that would put the Scots Guards to shame.”
I resent this accusation. I maintain a size 4-5 frame. I don’t work out. I drink a lot of water, and am a vegetarian. And I probably eat way more than you in quantity. Or maybe not, but I eat a lot. Include more whole grains, beans, green veggies, and water in your life and it’s just not possible to keep the weight on. Red skinned potatoes cooked on the stove top with olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic are an amazing filler.
@Jane87 @Kiwiwriter
“I resent this accusation.”
Why? I do not see any reason to personalize Kiwiwriter’s post nor do I find anything the least bit offensive in it. Where are you having a problem with what he posted?
@Brenda55 @Kiwiwriter I wasn’t being salty about it. However, these types of things are said time and time again in the black community by black women to absolve themselves of responsibility for their health. This reaction leads to thin shaming, ie. “Skinny Bitches are Evil”, and then the White woman’s hollar back “Skinny Bitch”. Maybe most black women are not predisposed to have a body like Elin, but many black women by nature would have bodies deemed better than Elin’s if they ate healthily. It doesn’t take a bunch of crazy work outs. I know many Carib and West African young women, and the majority of them are either my size, or have stereotypical video girl bodies.
@Jane87 @Kiwiwriter
OK. Well since you are new here Kiwiwriter is a white male who is married to a white female and has a daughter.
Quite frankly he does not have nickel in the whole black woman weight issues cat fight.
@Brenda55 Hmmm…Point taken.
@Jane87 @Brenda55 @Kiwiwriter DITTO 1,000 times. My experience exactly, down to the last line.
My BF has sisters that look like Elin…she’s hot, I’m not knocking the hustle either.
I think women need to take a good, hard, long look at themselves and their motives. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be well off but I think there is something hugely wrong with believing that it is a man’s job to make you financially comfortable if you live in a society that does not barter women for goats or allows you to read. I want to be clear that I was never taught to lower my expectations of a mate simply because I was taught to provide for myself. It’s just that “quality” is not a synonym for “wealthy” in my mind. I have had a serious relationship with a man of significant wealth and one without it. Both were high quality men with a lot to offer. I am honest enough to say that I am not sure I could handle dating a guy still trying to build his career/wealth if I had little or no financial means of my own. Not saying anyone is dishonest for having a different opinion or approach, I have really thought about it and I’m clear on what my drivers are. I was in a serious relationship with a guy who descended into DBR-ism who had no financial or education reason to do so. That’s what taught me the lesson in my 20s when I made much less money, and why the men I have chosen in my 30s are much better suited to me.
I think it is a huge advantage in the dating game for a woman to have her own means. It frees you to focus on the traits of a person first and foremost, without the fear that you are selling yourself short if they don’t make more money than or have as much education as you. Plus (well-balanced) successful people want successful people around them, not people looking to “come up” because of them. If you are the person on the come up, you’d better be prepared to add tremendous sexual, emotional and/or visual value. You are not only going to be vetted, you will jump hurdles and through hoops too. Let’s not miss the point that Elin is a multimillionaire…her billionaire boyfriend knows someone else already funded the come up.
Making money does not make one a person of quality or instill anyone with good morals. Money is an amp…whatever was playing quietly before is now blaring, and often the music is not pretty. This is what Elin discovered about her first husband.
Black woman are fully capable of finding the high quality mates we deserve. We have unique qualities and distinct advantages that are known and appreciated.
@Statuesque
AMEN this blog has made me rethink this site a bit
@Statuesque I concur and my sentiments exactly. The worship of other women to me is not a good thing. We should never compare ourselves to other women. I believe that this puts us in a disadvantage and in away decreases our value.. Be wary of that ladies…
@Statuesque
You are correct Elin is getting her hustle on.
No disrespect to anyone, but Elin is a smokin hot white chick! I don’t consider myself easily impressed with white women, but Elin is FINE. Elin blows this girl out the water. Perhaps if they would’ve used Yendi Phillps (Ms Jamaica 2010) it would’ve illustrated the point better for me. Just my opinion, but I know I’m not alone.
LOL, why would anyone here be offended by you finding a white woman attractive? Granted these are old photos and according to some members Elin has “lost her luster”. Beauty and attraction is subjective. Like whoever you want to.
We acknowledge beautiful women of ALL shades, and this dark-skinned beauty was used to illustrate that. If you prefer lighter/whiter women…go for it. You are certainly not alone, just like dark-skinned black women here are not alone in thinking lighter brighter men are attractive.
People are free to like who they like. No one is going to hit you over the head for it.
@Toni_M
It’s humorous to me the men(bm) who prefer other culture women with spray on tans.
LOL, who asked you? OK, you perfer lighter women with a spray on tan…good for you.
Yendi Phillps is not exactly dark complexion. IMO, she resembles Beyounce.
Well I’m a straight female so my opinion probably doesn’t matter much to you on this. However, I think that “Adaora Akubilo” is way cuter/prettier than Elin. Elin is average in the face to me, while Adaora has more prominent cheek bones, wider almond shaped eyes, and fuller lips, imo this makes her just plain prettier. I think if both Elin and Adaora gained a lot of weight, only Adaora’s model type facial features would remain visible. But I know ur just trying to throoough shade. it’s ok, we’re not fazed. Least of all me.lol I look like a Nigerian model type, and I thank the good Lawd for that everyday. Every morning I’m like, that cute face, springy fro, and, dat aaaassss. Thank you lawd, thank you. LMAO XoD
You DBR Black men created a monster.LMAO
Another pic of Adaora. http://www.realsea.net/1911_Adaora-Akubilo/#4 This dude is cray.lol
Let me stop, it’s all about preference.
Also I think that Chris is RIGHT about this article. Many Black women are robbing themselves of enjoying being healthy and beautiful because they are addicted to the Western diet. The facial features of Adaora, Rihanna, Ajak Deng, etc are COMMON amongst many black women everywhere. But you wouldn’t know it in some causes.
@Jane87 Thank you, “the Western diet”. I get into it too often with black women who swear they can’t eat/feel/look any better because they must eat this and that…and I try to emphasize that if they stopped following the Western model and ate more traditional foods and clean foods they’d see their health and looks improve. We can do better!
@SparklyAquaMetaphysics Yeeeesss. Thank YOU SparklyAquaMetaphysics Looks are not everything. But why not do something so simple to look and feel attractive, as well as have more energy. When I was a teen I used to eat a lot of that junk food, but once I learned about what it really does, I was cured of my addiction. I don’t know why so many people in general can’t let that ish go, not to mention just black women. I have a piece of cake here and there but it’s really not that deep. You can fined healthy versions of just about everything, and it’ll taste the same or better.
@SparklyAquaMetaphysics find*
@SparklyAquaMetaphysics @Jane87 I am just finishing the book::
In Defence of Food by Micheal Pollan
http://www.amazon.com/Defense-Food-Eaters-Manifesto/dp/1594133328
The Western Diet is discussed extensively. It has been an eye opener, and we have been making changes at our house also. I recommend that people read this book.
@Jane87 @SparklyAquaMetaphysics
“I don’t know why so many people in general can’t let that ish go, not to mention just black women.”
It is hard. The older you are the more difficult since you have formed the habit of eating a certain way and your tastebuds thinks food should be that way.
But if you have to make a change because your doctor says your life depended on it you usually do. I have had to see this change in much the same way.
It is good that there is readily accessible information out there to help. But I will be honest it is not easy for me.
@Brenda55 @Jane87 A favorite common sense resource of mine and I refer people to Michael Pollan often. Good for you Brenda55.
@SparklyAquaMetaphysics
I AGREE. Look at all the over weight nurses and physicians. LOL, they have the nerve to tell people to lose weight. I have had physicians who need may be considered obese. Medical personnel should be a better example.
@Jane87 i think you opionion matters more than a guys does becasue models are deemed beautiful by women. I also agree that Elin cheecks are purgee where adaroaa’s is well defined.
@jakethewrestler Thank you Jake. I’m not trying to diss Elin. She’s pretty too. It’s just that when I scrolled down and saw Adaora, I thought the exact opposite of that DBR guy. Go figure.
the weight indeed. That’s why I keep my behind in the gym.
hey, i agree women who go out of there way to be a decent partner deserve the best. but just looking good does not = deserving the best. you have to have more than just looks, you should be smart, loyal, and independent to a certain degree in order to deserve “the best”. shit, i would take a few notches down in the looks dept if the woman had all the rest. just bc youre hot doesnt mean you deserve jack shit