Discussion: How Many of Us Have Been Victims of Color-ism?

Personally, I don’t have a problem with color-ism. I believe a black woman can reject a black man for being too dark or vice versa. So long as color-ism does not deprive a person of healthcare, education, employment, or housing.

 I do have a problem with people harassing a person because of color-ism. If you don’t like a person’s skin complexion, leave the person alone. Stop telling people their not black because their skin is light. For God’s sake, stop telling people they are unattractive because they have dark skin. People should learn to live and let live. 

I just read Kola Boof's article and it is wonderful. I was a basketball player in high school and whenever I got a chance at a free shot, the boys would come up with some song about ugly dark skin to try and get me to miss. I didn't.

OK, I need someone to help educate the clueless white guy. I do not understand the whole issue of colorism and why shade or "darkness" is an issue with folks at all. Seriously? What does it matter? I dont get it. Differences in shade are awesome. We are all uniquely different. Those differences are something to be celebrated, not hated. By the way, I teach in an urban setting and do understand many of these issues related to diversity. But the color and shade thing, wow, I dont get at all.

some people are so damn ignorant! really, i don't know what shade people think people of African descent should be? and why they are surprised that a great many of us are "dark skinned" after all, we are of African descent you dig. but i guess that all boils down to being in the Americas now.

I am brown skinned which is dark skinned, ( about Oprah's color Angela Basset, etc) and i have never really had much problem with it, i was never made to feel i was ugly or unnatractive because of it, although i was suprised a few times when people remarked on me being dark skinned, a few black people would be talking aboutr someone else for instance and say so and so is dark skinned like me.

I just never got it, because i like i said, i have always realized that Black people come in about 100 shades or so. as a matter of fact, i think some of the most beautiful intriguing women i have seen are especially dark, like those ebony skinned Senegalese women, with their long graceful limbs, and other black women i have seen. There is just something so exotic about a darker skinned woman.

as far from white guys, i have never got anything from them about being dark or my shade or whatever. as a matter of fact, the general concensus seems to be that White men prefer darker skinned women? and natural hair?

Thank you for writing this. Now if only the economy would improve so I could leave this pseudo "Chocolate City."

colourism and classism as always been a big issue in the Jamaican culture. to give you a brief history lesson about my country 20-30 years ago people of my skin complexion could NEVER work as a bank teller even some schools also did not allow children and teacher of dark skin complexion. most of my bffs skin complexion is lighter than mine as a result more dark skin black guys approach them whenever we go out normally its light skin guys who seem to make a move on me. from my observation on the female side the parents have little or no problem is the guy is dark skin but when it comes to the men the mother wants his son to marry a girl who is light skin and have eurocentric features or even if she isnt light skin she should be an indian but dare not bring home a dark skin girl. its since recently you see alot of dark skin black women are facing less hostility nevertheless we still do.

I believe that when it comes to mix race family especially black women and white men if they both are confused and allow people to confuse them then it will cause the children to also be confused. likewise persons are going to want me to pick either black or white for my children or gonna ask well what will you identify your children as which will be pretty easy to me; a black jamaican mother and a white american father. how hard is that. even some time a my boyfriend and i was talking about having biracial children and one of the things that upsets him the most is the fact that most people are gonna label his children as black which he finds ridiculous considering the fact that he help to make that child and also he is pretty close to his family and he also wants his children to be close to his side of family as well...

oh one of things i find sad is that there are persons who are going to treat me like sh*% because of my dark skin but i gonna treat the same child that a dark skin black women gave birth to very good.. how sad!

there is a little saying in my country and maybe yours that goes, " anything that's too black isn't good." And the funny thing is that most of the persons who say that are dark skin people like myself.

I grew up in VA, and, just as one of the previous posters stated, the "light=better" mentality is still alive and well in the South. I've been on job-related travel (out-of-state) and hung out with one of my white male coworkers while in training. We were around each other for about 5 weeks, and my complexion never came up in conversation. However, in random conversations with black coworkers, some feel the need to comment on how dark some passersby are, or how pretty some very fair-skinned child is (you'd never hear these compliments from these individuals directed to brown-skinned or dark-skinned children.) I try to limit my contact with these damaged individuals as much as possible. It's gets a lot more challenging when these colorstruck individuals are in your family . . . sigh. Ask me how I know . . .

For those of you that are interested in this topic, you MUST read Kola Boof's fiery essay that mentions colorism..

There's a link to it on the Black Women Deserve Better site.

Wow! She lays it down, and hard!

A.C., good advice. Please come and share with us anytime. Love all the wisdom. Take good care with the Sickle Cell--I have family member living with this disease.

Hello All,

It was quite interesting to read your posts. As I said in another post, I am mixed race (half Black, half Hispanic) and I would have been considered a good choice because of the hair and skin. However, due to some weight and health issues (Sickle Cell), naturally I got the shaft by the Black men around me. They will always be picky and bow to the "isms" that society endorses. But to me that is unimportant. What is important for me is knowing who I am and taking care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally and spiritually. Being a Trinidadian, I am very much aware of the latent effects of Colonialism. I could let them overtake my mentality, or I could just progress and teach those around me to progress as well. I will end this with the common-sense words spoken by HarleyQ: "I have learnt to stop worrying about things we cannot change. Racism, colourism and all the other “isms” are here to stay. Women this my recommendations to you. Keep your head and selfimage and esteem high. Go for the men who find you to be the most beautify and precious thing on this earth. The saying is the best revenge is to live well. It’s one thing to discuss the “black elephant” but it is another thing to become consumed by it."

Should have read:

Jasmine Guy, Halle Berry, etc. that’s who the brothas want if they CANNOT get a white woman. And then, of course, there are the guys that go the Dominican or Puerto Rican route, or something similar".

I was kind of irritated when I was typing it, so I wasn't paying attention very well.

Yes, thing that all black men have no trouble discussing with other black men, but will swear on a bible that they never engage in if anyone else asks them about it. Every brother wants a woman lighter than he is, preferably much lighter, and with light eyes, too.

Jasmine Guy, Halle Berry, etc. that's who the brothas want if they get a white woman. And then, of course, there are the guys that go the Dominican or Puerto Rican route, or something similar.

We "dark-butts" are at the very bottom of their wish lists here in America.

It's a good thing my Danish boyfriend never talked to any of my "brothas" before he met me. He might have somehow gotten the idea that I was unattractive and not to be desired.

My brothers, always bragging on us black women, right?

I have learnt to stop worrying about things we cannot change. Racism, colourism and all the other "isms" are here to stay. Women this my recommendations to you. Keep your head and selfimage and esteem high. Go for the men who find you to be the most beautify and precious thing on this earth. The saying is the best revenge is to live well. It's one thing to discuss the "black elephant" but it is another thing to become consumed by it. I identify as black when it comes to race but more specifically 100% Jamaican :-) (anyone who wants to break me down into: hair type, beauty type, colour palette type, passible bla bla bla it's their problem). At the end of the day, all we want is a good man and a happy family.

BlkQueenBee :
She looks very happy, in fact, she looks radiant! And I’m happy for her.

BUT, and I don’t want to put too fine a point on it here, most (not all) white men, in my experience, do not have same tolerance for extra weight that black men do. For most white guys, obesity is a complete deal-breaker. I don’t know about asian or hispanic guys, so I’ll just leave that alone.

I struggle with my weight all the time; it’s a never-ending battle, but at least it’s something I can control (even though it KILLS me to pass up ice cream). I can’t control my skin tone, which is why I appreciate the fact that it doesn’t seem to matter to white guys what shade of black I am. It would be foolish, however, to say that white guys don’t have physical preferences in a woman; they do, and one of those preferences for most of them is a girl that is not overweight.

White men are not perfect, non-judgemental men. They’re still men, which means flawed, and they like what they like in terms of appearance.

Are there exceptions? Sure, there are always exceptions. It happens: where love conquers all, where love truly is blind, and some fit, active white guy in his 20′s or 30′s commits to a relationship with a really overweight sister.

But. let’s be truthful, it’s rare. White guys are not perfect. I’m glad they don’t have the colorism thing going on, because I’m really dark, and besides, I like white guys. Now that I’ve been dating white guys, I think this is where I’m going to stay in the dating world, and hopefully, that will transform itself into matrimony.

But, although this set of guys doesn’t care about your skin shade or your hair, believe me, they’re still keying off your physical characteristics.

They’re guys, right?

This is a very valid point. I also watch my weight, first to be healthy, and second because I know my husband likes me svelte. I don't think this is something we should fault WM for, because they are men first, and men are VERY visual. Just like BM tend to like big booties ( I can't tell you how many times I've heard from a BW who was dating a BM that he didn't want her to work out too hard for fear she'd loose that bootie!), white men tend to favor women on the thinner side of the spectrum.

Staci :
I am 29, and not only am I dark, I wear my hair natural. I’ve never been out with any European guys, but I’ve been out with four American white guys, and believe me, they don’t care about skin shade OR your hair OR your nails, either. It’s very refreshing.

They do care about having a conversation, your smile, your eyes, and also, your weight (hit the gym, sisters) and that you have some dreams and some ambition. Although, from my experience, they’re not looking to check every single one of these boxes on every single woman, ie. a good-looking woman with some extra pounds, or an average-looking woman with a fit body, etc. still has a good shot.

The brothas all want the dyme sista, want her hair long and with a weave in it, and for some reason most of them want you to wear an outfit that looks like you got it from a hooker.

I waved goodbye to that bull_____!

I WILL say it because I ain’t afraid, hah! IF you’re a dark sister, walk towards the white light!

HA! @ the white light!

CW :
Can us brown-skinned ones come with you????

Well......okay.

You go, Staci. I cosign completely.

Staci, I am digging your vibe, gurl. Tell it!

I am 29, and not only am I dark, I wear my hair natural. I've never been out with any European guys, but I've been out with four American white guys, and believe me, they don't care about skin shade OR your hair OR your nails, either. It's very refreshing.

They do care about having a conversation, your smile, your eyes, and also, your weight (hit the gym, sisters) and that you have some dreams and some ambition. Although, from my experience, they're not looking to check every single one of these boxes on every single woman, ie. a good-looking woman with some extra pounds, or an average-looking woman with a fit body, etc. still has a good shot.

The brothas all want the dyme sista, want her hair long and with a weave in it, and for some reason most of them want you to wear an outfit that looks like you got it from a hooker.

I waved goodbye to that bull_____!

I WILL say it because I ain't afraid, hah! IF you're a dark sister, walk towards the white light!

This "overweight/darkskinned" BW seems to have landed herself a husband....

http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/2010/06/roomadoor-press-vacation-on-my-mind-bws-learned-helplessness-.html

Also, to add to BLKQueenBee, in Europe, the darker the skin, the sweeter the the white guy is on you. I know so many ladies from sub-sahara Africa married to the whitest men in Europe, many are from rich and so-called aristocratic background. Its like having a blond chick in the Middle East, she'll be hunted like a rare trophy, while in Italy, Ireland, France, men go after the black girls ignoring their 'white' girls. It really comes down to what's rare and termed 'exotic' at the end of the day.

what a tragically stupid and self hating dogma we in the black community still practice. Then again, I also learned within the South Asian and Arab community, any shade darker than white is considered less than. I remember one of my friend's future in laws happy with her not because she was an amazing person who would make their son happy, but because for a Pakistani she was really 'fair/pale'.

Even in my own community, for men its ok to be dark, but God help you if you are a female and dark. Like WTF, last time I checked we are all of African descents and will have all shades of dark colors due to our various heritage and history.

BlkQueenBee, I think a lot of dark-skinned women who date interracially may feel this way. I remember in high school, college and beyond, the trophy for most of the black men I was interested in was the light-skinned girl, regardless of her looks in some cases.

I'm dark. Dark enough so that a family member told me, "You're so black you're blue".

I am also not suggesting a dark sistah go out and get a white guy, but my personal experience is that skin tone doesn't seem to matter to white guys like it does to black guys. Which is kind of weird when you think about it, but that's the way it's been in my own life. This has been my experience with white men in the U.S. and in Europe.

Don't get me wrong, they still want a pretty face and a nice body. They are men, after all, and men are visual creatures. But my two white boyfriends have loved my dark skin.

I was never overtly 'color-hated' by my grade school friends, but I did notice that the lighter girls were considered girlfriend material by the popular 'light' guys. It didn't matter to me because I liked the browner boys anyhow.
But the Black American Phenomenon is alive and well in corporate america. I have watched the black (darker skinned) higher ups in a major communication company reward time and time again lighter skinned black women with lesser qualifications and track records with promotions and bonuses. Can you hear me now?

This is an issue I recently brought up at my own forum...Intraracism/colorism is a matter that has either been swept under a rug, or packaged nicely for far too long...I am determined to do the following:

-Help other Black women call this sickness for what it is, while simultaneously and consciously taking steps to improve our own quality of lives...This includes not being ashamed or "shouted down" for pointing colorism out!

-Find resources which elevates women who look like Chistelyn, myself & so many others...

We're not gonna sit around arguing with dissenters back and forth...However those with understanding are not going themselves to be convinced that colorism does not exist, or is some rare event like "Hailey's Comment"...

Yes, your experience sounds very different. The colorism can be reduced to utter silliness, with kids (and adults) holding their arms out to compare which one is lighter. Ridiculous. Glad you didn't have those issues growing up.

I was raised in Jamaica and came to the US at 17 years old. So I had to learn quite a bit of things regarding black people here. I honestly have to say that I am still learning.

This has always been an interesting topic because I was not fully aware of colourism until coming to the US. I really can't say I have experienced colourism that I know of but then I usually don't give a darn what people think since I passed 16 years old. I remember a penpal in the US (white) had asked me what shade of black am I. I thought that was just the most stupid question to ask a person because for me black is black (I had just moved to the US so I didn't get it until many years later).
Maybe I am being simplistic because I was not raised here but as adults my philosphy is I could not give a shit about a stranger's and certain so called family/friends opinion of me. I am in control of whose words have value and meaning. If you don't like what you see, keep it moving.

This as been the story of my life and still is. I've heard so much about the darkness of my skin and most of it has been by black men who sees it as a negative. I'm from the deep south and the whole light skin=better is still in full effect. It's mostly people of other races that have told me how pretty and chocolaty i am. It took me a long time to accept my color. I had began to think that because other black people saw my skin as a negative that other races would to. Not so much in my experience. One day it may change but until, colorism will remain an issue.