Racial Wealth Gap Is Partially Explained by Blacks Willingness to Help Their Poorer Relatives

Racial Wealth Gap Is Partially Explained by Blacks Willingness to Help Their Poorer Relatives

Black people are having problems accumulating wealth because their relatives bleed them dry?

Author : Jamila Akil

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Rourke O’Brien, a PhD candidate in Sociology and Social Policy at Princeton University, has completed research into why black Americans do not accumulate wealth as fast as white Americans. In a research paper titled “Depleting Capital? Race, Wealth and Informal Financial Assistance,” O’ Brien argues that blacks don’t accumulate wealth as fast as they could because they are more likely than whites to financially assist poorer relatives.

Middle-income blacks are more than twice as likely as middle-income whites to have a poor sibling and more than four times as likely to have parents below the poverty line. And because of these relationships, they’re called upon more often to provide financial assistance.

O’Brien’s idea makes perfect sense; and, in fact, the idea itself has been floating around in various forms for some time. However, “Depleting Capital? Race, Wealth and Informal Financial Assistance” is one of the first published research efforts to empirically test for the effect that black Americans rate of giving to friends and family has on the wealth gap.

A study cited by O’ Brien “suggests that as much as 27 percent of the black-white wealth gap can be explained by the greater financial claims made on middle-income blacks.” Considering that as of 2009, the median wealth of white households was $113,149 and for black households it was $5,677, it can be assumed that middle class blacks are giving thousands of dollars in assistance every year to their close friends and family.

Of course, the generosity of middle-class blacks is not the only explanation for the wealth gap–approximately 70 percent of the gap is left unexplained. Racism is one explanation. Many blacks who are making middle-income salaries are first generation middle-class, and thus they do not have the social capital–i.e. a network of friends and family who can provide financial advice, etc.–that many whites have, social capital that could help them save and invest their money in the most prudent fashion. And, in part due to housing discrimination, professional blacks tend to live in lower-income, predominately black neighborhoods, where the value of their homes do not appreciate as fast their fellow white co-workers, who may live in up-and-coming urban communities.

What can newly-minted middle-class blacks start doing to help friends and family who may need assistance (assuming that helping family–though not necessarily helping extended family and/or friends–is a good thing), while at the same time accumulating wealth for themselves?

A new explanation for the racial wealth gap” [The Boston Globe]
_________________________________________________
Jamila Akil is a Senior Editor at Beyond Black and White. Follow her on Twitter @jamilaakil.

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MissFLondon 655 pts

When will people collecting numbers begin to understand that human beings aren't numbers? Our cultural and group quirks will always affect how we appear in their surveys. This applies to everyone!! I remember a few years ago, people scratching their heads about gay middle class men and their vast expendable income. REALLY!!!! of course they have spare cash, they have to children? Sense isn't always common.

 

On the flip side, yes Blacks in America help their relatives, but so do other ethnicities. Perhaps as a group, there needs to be some sort of review. It sounds mercenary, but when Nigerians help family out it is either as a form of quid pro quo or helping someone who is completely helpless out of sheer love, in the hope that they will soon get on their own feet (or want to!!). It appears that African Americans like helping lost causes and this, not the helping itself is what is causing the disparity. 

Escapedthefoolishness 268 pts

My mom owned her own home when we were growing up. It was a beautiful house. When we moved to a new place instead of renting it out to strangers my grandma begged my mom to let my uncle rent it. My mom finally agreed, she even paid my uncle half of the money towards the mortgage so his rent wouldn't be too high. And do you know what that waste of space did? He spent the money my mom gave him on clothes and rims, didn't pay the rent, let the house go into arrears and hid the letters from the mortgage company. My mom only found out the house was going to be repossessed when a debt collection company turned up at her doorstep. She lost the house and all of the money she'd been giving over the year my uncle was living there and when my mom confronted my uncle about it my family told her she was in the wrong, that she should understand that things are 'hard' for black men and that my mom should have never given my uncle all of that money!

 

I learned early that family members will drain you and use you just as much as the next person. I honestly now would never give money or anything else of value to a close family member but I would offer advice or support. My mom has now learned from what happened but it's a lesson that cost her a lot financially. My family is still babying my uncle who is now a nearly 50 year old DBR with kids he doesn't see, an apartment paid for by the government (next to my grandmas house) and a drug habit. He doesn't have my contact details and I only see him at Christmas.

Toni_M 18695 pts moderator

 Escapedthefoolishness That is just....wow. :(

MissFLondon 655 pts

 Toni_M  Escapedthefoolishness  Your dear uncle has clothed himself in what was to be your legacy. Your Mother sweated to ensure that her children wouldn't have to start from scratch and it's no great surprise that a man who doesn't see his kids doesn't understand that. I'm really surprised at your family though. They ought to have shunned him. Don't they get that their supposed love of him and acceptance of his lifestyle is killing him?

dani-BBW 1783 pts

Just say no and refer people to more appropriate resources. Since I became a working professional, I have never, and I mean never, lent money to struggling family members.  Once you say yes, you'll be pestered for money til kingdom come. I have however, referred them to the resources I was aware of for food help, reasonable short term lines of credit, clothes, etc. I'm not lending you money after I JUST saw you kicking it for your birthday, buying your young children lavish presents, or headed out to the latest concert. Your poor financial planning is not my problem.

ms. d 192 pts

Interestingly, I would have thought it was the opposite. I remember having a convo with some co-workers who made the claim that blacks can't get ahead because their family won't help them. They said that white people, and people from a lot of other cultures, will invest in their family members, especially their offspring. I kind of had to agree. 

Brenda55 19272 pts moderator

 ms. d  

 

You know you make a good point here.

 

Black folks helping their poorer relatives = good though putting them at a disadvantage..

 

White folks passing generational wealth to poorer family members i.e. their kids = bad because it gives them what is felt is an unfair advantage. 

Jamila 7148 pts moderator

 ms. d  

 

"They said that white people, and people from a lot of other cultures, will invest in their family members, especially their offspring. I kind of had to agree."

 

This is why I said helping poorer family members via time-tested techniques that have been used all across time is a GOOD thing and something that blacks should continue to do. If your immediate family members are doing well, there is a good chance that they can help you out in some way down the line, or that their children and your children will be able to form financially beneficial alliances down the line. Keeping money "in house" is a good thing. I just think that blacks have to do a much better job at it. 

 

For example, instead of giving your sister-in-law and brother a $1500 loan, you instead tell them that you will use the funds to send their two kids off to STEM camp this summer so that the two of them have time to look for better jobs and to register for school. And, instead of loaning money to a nephew for studio time so that he can work on his rap career, you use the money the pay for tennis lessons for another nephew. 

dani-BBW 1783 pts

 Jamila THIS Jamila. It's HOW money is being invested in family members, not the sheer act of doing it.

mzsunshine 2389 pts

 Jamila  ms. d

 In other words one culture is giving and the other is investing.

 

Providing funds for college and tennis lessons is investing.

Providing funds to help sustain a single relative who has four kids is just giving.

HotToastAndButter 146 pts

I've always joked that if I won the lottery I would keep it a secret from my family. As harsh as that sounds, believe me, it's for the best. Suddenly I would become the family tree's Bank Manager and sudden distant relatives from Bangladesh and East Africa will suddenly appear on my doorstep, talking about how they haven't seen me since I was "this small", Big smiles and open palms.

 

I've lost count of the times someone has asked me to "borrow" them money, only for me to never see it again.

Even my immediate family are not to be trusted!! If I won the lottery I would tell them, but I wouldn't reveal the full amount of the cash prize :)

 

This makes so much sense. A lot of black people are considered the "savior" of their families if they get into a good college or become professionals.  Everyone wants to hit up the lawyer in the family for money or free legal advice. Sorry but true.  A lot of black people are also BRAINWASHED into handed thousands of dollars to the church every year.  That's all fine and dandy, but please make sure your own net worth and house is taken care of first.  No need to help pastor get a Bentley or a new suit, and you are struggling with your own debt and student loans. 

cns 699 pts

The best way to weed out free loading relatives is to apply this bible verse 2 Thessalonians 3:10-For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

You notice this is a command not a mere suggestion.

The only people that should be taking care of long term are minor children, aged and elderly parents/grandparents or the mentally and physically (no fought of their own) handicapped relatives.

If the person is of reasonable sound physical and mental health and refuses to work then that person is own their own. I see too many older adults go to work faithfully, not because they love their jobs but because they like to take care of themselves and to enjoy a few nice things in life.

Let’s face it most people don’t really enjoy their jobs that much but they like having a nice home, nice car, nice clothes, and enjoyable food. These are just basic human desires; nothing fancy.

PamelaFoster 604 pts

 cns

 This will preach any day :))

The Working Home Keeper 6552 pts

Very interesting!  My husband and I have done well for ourselves despite the recent economic conditions.  We worked hard to get our financial house in order and on track before things went south and live frugally.  What we've done, anyone could do.  While, some of my siblings are not in the same financial place we are, there are no expectations of financial assistance because I'm the baby of the family.  Since my Mother lives with us, we in a way provide some support.  But, she also helps us by watching the kids, thus allowing us to avoid costly childcare expenses.  As far as extended family, I only have casual relationships with them - on purpose.  I don't want to create a situation that will open the door for asking for assistance or reveal too much about our finances.  And growing up, my Mother pretty much made it clear that even some family members will use you and cheat you out of money.  There was an incident where my brother sold (gave) a race car to a cousin who never paid him for it.  He turned down money from some white guys for the car in order to look out for family.  My Momma is still hot about that and it happens years and years ago! LOL! 

 

My husband and I pretty much decided when we first married, to (1) not ask for financial assistance from family - his or mine - we've provided for ourselves since college.  And (2) not give money to family or friends unless we give it as a gift (no strings attached, with no expectation of it being paid back). 

The Working Home Keeper 6552 pts

Another lesson from my Momma - don't put your own house in jeopardy to help someone else.  My Momma was a faithful church goer and tithed.  But, even she thought it was ridiculous that some people would give money to the church but didn't have money for food, rent or utilities. 

Karla 18212 pts

 The Working Home Keeper My immediate family is well setup so I never had to worry about them asking for money; we're all self-sufficien and doing wellt.  My extended fam doesn't even know where I live or how to contact me so no worries there.  Now my husband's family is a different story.  He (we) have a niece who is just a derelict.  She's a drughead, does porn on the internet, etc. and found time to have four children with an abusive man.  Her children were taken from her at one point and my SIL and BIL took them.  Big mistake.  Eventually, the system gave the children back to the niece and she worked the system like nobody's business.  During all this upheaval, she called my husband and asked for money.  I told him your number 2: give it as a gift with no expectations of getting it back.  She said she'd pay it back but really, we knew that wasn't happening.  He gave her money once so her kids would have a nice Christmas.  Once she went crazy, he refused to give her money and blocked her phone number.  Today, she is persona non grata; once in a while, she'll call other family members for money but no one is giving it.  At this point, we don't know where she is and that's the way I like it.

GetMeOutofBlackistan 297 pts

My mother is the perfect example of this. Most of her life she has been providing some type of support or assistance to her mother, sisters, nieces and nephews and the children of those nieces and nephews. This despite the fact that she has always been struggling to stay afloat herself and, when it comes to my grandmother, despite the fact that she was abused and treated the worse out of all 5 sisters. My grandmother is a selfish woman who mistreated all but 1 of her daughters and my mother took some of the worse physical and psychological abuse from her. Yet, my mother has financially supported my grandmother for the last 20 years or so and every time she needs something my aunts and cousins are calling my mother.

 

Throughout my life I sat by and watched my mother struggle, get used by her family members and now that she's in her 50s she has very little to show for all the years of toil. I made a firm commitment not to let that happen to me! I sometimes get angry with her and get on her about how she ended up in this predicament mainly because she was taking care of other people when she should have been looking out for us. She thinks I'm cold and heartless because I believe in completely cutting lecherous and treacherous people out of my life, even blood relatives. She refuses to understand my attitude towards her family, despite the fact that one of her own sisters and niece, who she thought she could trust, stole money from her!

 

Like I said, it won't happen to me. I've learned from all the mistakes my mother has made in her life and done the opposite. I've accomplished a lot education and career-wise, and I'm committed to making wise investments and building wealth for myself and future children. Because of the way my mother handled money I already know that I will have to financially support her in her old age, I don't want my own kids to have to be in that position.

foreverhopeful 840 pts

@GetMeOutofBlackistan I think black women are just nurtures. Most of us feel obligated to take care of family no matter what it may cost us. I applaud your mother for all she has done for family in the face of the way she was treated. I don't know if I could do what she did for so long but I understand why she does it.

mzsunshine 2389 pts

 foreverhopeful  GetMeOutofBlackistan

 I think black women are just nurtures.  Most of us feel obligated to take care of family no matter what it may cost us.

 

I co-sign 100% I just had dinner with two girlfriends (black) and we were discussing how we were still helping out our grown children at our expense. One of the ladies and I are divorced.  The other is still married.  I stated," I bet you their dads wouldn't give help them if they asked them". And they all agreed with me.  The one who is married says her sons don't even approach her husband about 'borrowing' funds. 

 

I know my ex doesn't have a pot to piss in; he is smooching off his well-to-do gillfriend. Just the other day he asked my daughter could he borrow some money!

 

I believe helping out family members is a 'woman' thing and not necessarily  a 'black woman' issue. I have observed this over my lifetime; that women feel the need to nurture or assist to our own detriment. I believe because so many white household consist of a male figure, it keeps the balance nurturer (heart) and problem solver (logic) in tact, therefore, the financial health of the family stays in tact..  When the woman (nuturer) starts to allow her heart to take over, her husband (problem solver) says, "whoa! hold up, we are not assisting Johnny or Becky to our detriment".

 

So, I have made up in my mind, I'm looking out for me.  Yes, if my daughters are in dire need, I'll probably assist but not ot my detriment.

 

Patricia Kayden 1669 pts

Interesting post because while I know quite a few Black women who help out their poorer family members (including buying them houses and cars), those Black women are financially very secure and haven't been harmed by doing so. 

 

For me, I will help if I have extra funds but will never put myself in a position of harming my household financially to help anyone else -- family or not. 

 

"What can newly-minted middle-class blacks start doing to help friends and family who may need assistance (assuming that helping family–though not necessarily helping extended family and/or friends–is a good thing), while at the same time accumulating wealth for themselves?"

 

Encourage their friends and family to get a good education, invest wisely, be productive, save money, etc.  Giving people money all the time is not necessarily helpful to people who don't know how to spend it wisely.

GoneInternational 161 pts

 Patricia Kayden I like this. If I run into a new way to make side income I'm the first one to share it with my loved ones because that is much more helpful to them than loaning them money. Also, I was always taught to only loan someone money if you won't miss it; if you can't afford to help out, then don't. 

Patricia Kayden 1669 pts

 GoneInternational That's what I learned from a dear friend in University.  She was the first person who always said, "I only loan money that I don't expect to be repaid".  I still live by that philosophy. If I loan you money, I don't necessarily need it back and will often wait till you try to repay me to let you know that you can keep it.

 

Smart way to live.  You should never harm yourself to "help" anyone else.

Brenda55 19272 pts moderator

The bottom line for me on this whole discussion is budgeting. Knowing how much income you have coming in, how much income is going out and knowing where it is going.

 

That means a budget which is your roadmap to you finances.  A budget is a planning tool and not a dirty word.

 

Giving to family members if that is so important to you should be planned as a line item on a budget. Tithing to your church if that is important to you should be a line item on your budget. Throwing money around without knowing where it is going is stupid and will prevent  financial security and wealth building. That is the problem and not that blacks feel a calling to support the poor downtrodden members of their families. 

 

Re. generational wealth. So what? Really.  Most folks no matter the race are not born into families who pass along money to them. Most of the time people have to pass the hat to put relatives in the ground. Sorry but that part of this story falls flat with me also. 

 

My grandparents generation did not have anything to leave.  The did low wage jobs and kept bread and beans on the table and a roof over their kids head.  They also got their kids through school. My parents generation were better educated and had better jobs and built on that and have assets to pass on.  Some did better in hahdleong their money than others.

 

My generation. Again some are doing better and some are not. Some will be able to help their kids and some are failing at that. We all had the same start. The difference is how the successful members of my family handle their finances. As I have said before that is a learned skill.

 

foreverhopeful 840 pts

@Brenda55 Agreed. As I stated, I had to learn the hard way that's why I took Financial Peace University and learned the envelop system and paying yourself first. Once you spend the money you alloted for bills and fun that's it! You don't dip into your savings because you over extended yourself. The savings account is money for a rainy day and yes it does pour buckets on ocassion. But the point is if you want to go on a great Euorpean vacation, save for it. They have plans for you to make payments and have paid off before you go. One less headache if you make yourself money wise.

The Working Home Keeper 6552 pts

 foreverhopeful  Brenda55 Love Dave Ramsey!  My husband and I got our finances on track by following The Total Money Makeover.

mzsunshine 2389 pts

 foreverhopeful

and learned the envelop system and paying yourself first.  Once you spend the money you alloted for bills and fun that's it!

 

I'm recently divorced, and the envelope system works for me(Dave Ramsey).  I've learned to budget and live within my means.  I recently have decided to cut back on helping family members especially those who are facing hard times due to poor choices; mostly spending what they do not have!

It was great this Christmas to pay for everything cash and not have a credit card bill waiting for me in the mail.

The Working Home Keeper 6552 pts

 mzsunshine  foreverhopeful "It was great this Christmas to pay for everything cash and not have a credit card bill waiting for me in the mail."

 

Indeed! :D

Brenda55 19272 pts moderator

 mzsunshine  foreverhopeful The envelop system is a really good budgeting system.

Have you seen the online version of it?

http://www.mvelopes.com/

 

Lots of great tools to be found here. 

mzsunshine 2389 pts

 Brenda55  foreverhopeful

 No, I will check it out.

 

Jamila 7148 pts moderator

 Brenda55 "Re. generational wealth. So what? Really."

 

Let's not pooh-pooh the very real benefits of having wealth that can be passed down through the family. 

 

In 1960 about 10 percent of blacks were middle class versus almost half of whites. Having parents who can give you money for the downpayment on a house after you get marrried; having parents who don't need to help provide for them financially in their old age; being gifted with a car--which you can later sell--for your 16th birthday... these are all financial perks that far more whites have had access to than blacks, and that money does make a difference in how easy it is for a person to get and stay ahead in life. 

Brenda55 19272 pts moderator

 Jamila Not pooh-poohing it at all. I have benefited from generational wealth.  Again there is a legacy awaiting me upon my parent's death.  My husband and I draw all of our current income via inherited wealth.  It is why we are financially independent. 

 

That said you cannot argue convincingly that most people in the world are not in that position. It is not just a black issue is all I am saying. My suspicions are alerted when people try to break this down by race. Most whites do not have the benefit of generational wealth either.

 

Usually the next argument is...since whites have this generational advantage at the expense of blacks { something } must be done to level the playing field. No it does not. 

Jamila 7148 pts moderator

"That said you cannot argue convincingly that most people in the world are not in that position."

 

That was never my argument. 

PamelaFoster 604 pts

 Jamila  

 I love how you keep it real!  I heard a black financial advisor talk about this years ago.  He said thathe and some other non black guys had the same salary and made the same financial decisions but he wondered why their net worth was so much more?  They told him that the bulk of their net worth was monies inherited from grand parents or gifted to them by parents. 

PamelaFoster 604 pts

 Jamila

 Sorry about that typo, trying to eat and type :)).  It should read "He said that HE  and some other...."

Alana 2 387 pts

 Jamila  Brenda55  If nothing else, middle class whites are typically homeowners and their children can gain the proceeds of a home sale, minus costs.

 

In addition to the KNOWLEGE required to work for yourself and/or for others and do well, the EMOTIONS are also very important. I have an uncle who died early, and his financial legacy is gone. It is so sad! He had property next to a body of water! The loss was only a partial surprise because is multiple-master's-degree daughter has a bottomless hole that she fills with shopping, and will take advantage of others, even family, to get what she wants.

 

There are different levels of generational wealth. My mother was able to inherit property. Based on her husband's poor money management, the wealth they pass on will probably be intangible. Just because few people are living 100% on investment income doesn't mean that many others, such as middle class whites, receive family gifts, like cars, tuition, house down payments, wedding expenses and more.

kia 2042 pts

I have a brother and a cousin in similar situations. I have two brothers. My two brothers are from my father's first marriage. I'm from my father's second marriage. I’m in my early 30’s now. My father was largely absent from myself and my brothers’ lives growing up. The older brother has four kids. He’s still married to the mother of his kids. Has raised them right. The younger brother was warned in high school not to have kids until he and girlfriend finished their education and were financially ready. They didn’t listen. They went on to have four kids together. And my younger brother left his girlfriend and had a baby with a new girlfriend. I know his kids now have a 50/50 chance of turning into criminals, getting involved with teen pregnancy, or of having a good education that will one day lead to a good paying job.

 

The cousin I’ve known since grade school. Since puberty has never been without a boyfriend. She attracts the wrong type of black men. Since puberty has always had men of all races trying to get with her. But she is nbabm type. And doesn't know how to vet men. She had casual sex with a loser black man that gave her std’s. This is also resulted in her having a baby. She has been living with new boyfriend for five years in his grandma’s house. They both work low wage minimum jobs. She is considered an attractive black woman. And could have done better. But her whole life has chosen loser black men. If she had expanded her options to other races of men. She would not be in the situation she’s in now. She could have been living the good life. Her younger sister married an abusive black man and they do drugs together. They have four kids together. Older sister has taken custody of her younger sisters’ kids. Older sister would call asking me to babysit for free. Even though they know I work part time as a teacher's assistant. I just stopped answering the phone. I don’t talk to them anymore. I don’t want them dragging me into their messy life.

kia 2042 pts

I will not let friends or family keep me from enjoying the good life – And try to guilt or force me into taking care of their multiple kids or broke family members. I will not be raising someone else’s kids. Even if they’re members of my own family. I’m not about that life. I’m not here for that. Notice these damaged black people always ask black women. They always ask black women with the least amount of time, resources, and money. They never ask black men. Rich blacks. Rich black celebs. Etc. Black women need to stop taking care of other broke physically able bodied blacks and cut them off. This is why the black community doesn’t have generational wealth or net worth like the other races. And when some blacks do become rich they don’t give back financially or build generational wealth to leave behind for other generations the way other races do.

FYI – There’s a new show coming on Oprah’s network OWN called Blackboard Wars. Which I will not be watching. It deals with the black kids of feral black adults that didn’t raise their kids right. Leaving the teachers to deal with black kids who will probably grow to be non productive adults. This is just an updated version of the film 'Lean on Me 2013'. And all these dbr blacks will do is whine about 'Who will help me raise these kids right?'

foreverhopeful 840 pts

@kia I understand. The flip side of the coin is there are some family members who think it's your responsibility to help them. And, even when you do they are ungrateful.

HotToastAndButter 146 pts

 foreverhopeful  kia I think that although they want your money, at the same time, they are resentful of the fact that you have that money and are in the position to financially help them, whereas they can't help themselves.

MissFLondon 655 pts

 kia Your cousin likes losers. You say "If she had expanded her options to other races of men. She would not be in the situation she’s in now". I disagree; she would have found loser Mexicans or loser white men!!! This is not an upgrade. At least she is wading in a familiar swamp.

kia 2042 pts

From T23 - 'Yeah I wish it was bullshite for Chris Dorner too, maybe he would still be alive.'

 

You need to stop riding chris donner's ass and get your life. That is not even the topic of discussion. I agree with Brenda55. chris donner has nothing to do with this subject. Your defending a man that shot innocent people. Another black person making excuses for 'The Poor Black Man.' This man had military and cop experience. Who responded from being fired from his job by killing innocent people. You wouldn't be singing the same tune if he had shot at you or your family. So stop acting simple. Take that mess somewhere else. The topic of discussion is why black people are the poorest on the planet compared to other races. And have no generational wealth or net worth. And how black people - Specifically black women - Should stop letting deadbeats financially drain them. Because I'm not about that life. And I'm not here for that.

Toni_M 18695 pts moderator

 kia "This man had military and cop experience. Who responded from being fired from his job by killing innocent people."

 

I am so tired of black people holding this person up as some American hero. I've had it out with my own relatives over this. What is WRONG with people?!

Brenda55 19272 pts moderator

 kia Good post kia.

This jerk has done the same thing that many disgruntled employees that have been fired have done. Proven that he was an unfit employee. You can recount the news stories.  It go so bad at the US Postal service that they coined the phrase going postal. Remember that.  

 

So no.  Chris Donner in not the poster child for being a victim of American racism. He is a murderer plain and simple. With that we end any further mention of this loser. 

In my grandmother's day, the resources of the family were focussed on the older two daughters. They studied teaching, then when they were working sent part of their salaries home to put the next youngest sisters to teachers' college or nursing school. Until all had education and jobs. In my mother's generation, something seemed to go awry - she studied medicine and was therafter expected to finance any harebrained investment idea her siblings had. I think the change was the gifting of cash. When I hear of other ethnic groups helping family, eg Asian, then it is the family sent the person to school or set the person up with a shop or other business. Or a house (ie rent-free, will appreciate in value). Not flat out cash, which when converted into consumer goods will depreciate in value as soon as you unpack it or drive it off the lot...

LorMarie 1343 pts

Black people are going to HAVE to start saying no to friends and family. It is also important that we not "advertise"A our resources. For example, I was involved in a pretty bad accident yesterday. I was not at fault and could probably get a nice settlement. Do you think I'm going to tell anyone what I'm getting? Absolutely not. People will have their hands out as soon as I deposit a check. If I can't hide what I get, I'm prepared to say no to whomever attempts to leech off of me for money.

Brenda55 19272 pts moderator

 LorMarie Good plan.  I was brought up with the phrase "Don't talk your wallet."

 

I have a younger brother who received $23,000 as the result of a settlement.  Blew through every bit of it within a year and is back living hand to mouth. That $23,000 could have given him a fresh start if he planned it right. He did not and now he is broke again.

 

All I can stress is if you have a large amount of cash coming to you park it somewhere safe and then get sound, reputable advice.  Have a plan.  Oh yes and keep it too yourself. As you know there are a whole lot of folks who would love to help you spend what you have.  You never seem to see those same folks when you need a helping hand however. 

HotToastAndButter 146 pts

 Brenda55  LorMarie "Don't talk your wallet"

That's a good one. I need to find a phrase to sum up someone that talks like they have an off-shore bank account in the Cayman Islands, when what they really have is a bag full of peanuts stashed under their mattress.

I know too many people that talk their wallet, but inside their actual wallet is a ripped hole full of crumbs and empty sweet wrappers!