Written by Penelope Farthing
Last week I talked a quite a bit about sexual health among black women, from tips to prevent getting HIV, to why unprotected sex should be an act reserved for married people who have had the requisite STD panels and are prepared for a baby that may come of it.
Another option that I believe should definitely be in the single ladies’ playbook is that of abstinence. There has been a culture shift, and loud, public talks about sex, sex, and more sex abounds wherever people gather. I have seen many comment sections full of women listing their sexual preferences, experiences, and pitfalls online, with varying degrees of vulgarity, with only a handful of people saying that they were on the celibate side. But I think more black women embracing the celibate lifestyle would solve a lot of problems we face in the community.
Before I got married, I was 100% abstinent, and it was one of the best decisions I made when it came to my sexual happiness. Here are some benefits to abstinence that should be strongly considered:
Picture this. You’re living your life and doing your thing. You may be in school, or a job, whatever. And all of a sudden it’s the 17th of the month, then the 19th, then the 28th, and your faithful period of many years has not arrived at her scheduled time. You could chalk your lateness up to any and everything (and you should get it checked out to make sure it’s not something more serious). But you can rest assured that the reason for your missed period was not a gestating little fetus.
You know what’s pretty terrible? Chlamydia, apparently, but I’ll have to take someone else’s word for that. I saw an article not too long ago about syphilis making a comeback, and super-gonorrhea swooping in to infect people’s nether-regions with not a care for any of the usual antibiotics. You can still get oral herpes from kissing someone though, so watch out for that.
When you are open about your celibacy to any romantic suitors, it may act as a deterrent for dudes solely looking for a roll in the hay. Being up front about your abstinence in the earliest stages of meeting a potential suitor can save you time and free you up for more meaningful relationships.
If you have younger relatives coming up, especially now in the age of “sex positivity” and sugar babying and securing the bag by any means necessary, showing that you can have fulfilled romantic relationships without the additional drama that comes with sex with the wrong person can set a positive example for them.
Abstinence may not be for everyone, but even if it doesn’t feel like a level up tactic, since you may not see a return on your investment immediately, it is certainly something to consider on the mating marketplace in a world where the only person that is truly invested in your health and well-being…is you.
Do share your experience with abstinence in the comments below.