Dating & Marrying Ethnic Men

Alpha, Schmalpha! Choosing the RIGHT Rainbeau Guy Who’s in It for Good.

Much of what we hear a lot these days on the BWE blogs is advice about attracting alpha males. Khadija speaks about it quite frankly and I agree with a lot of what she has to say. HOWEVER, COMMA, I think that some “thangs” need to be clear about the good, the bad, and the uglaaay about alpha men.

I’ll relate it to my experience, because heck! this ain’t theory, this is real life.

After college I was briefly involved with a 40-something very, very powerful and rich man who was so enamoured with me that he offered to move me and my daughter out of state to be with him. We would want for nothing–materialistically. He promised the best schools. He said he wanted to get serious, and that the hubster, who was NOT the hubster at the time, could never, ever, possibly give me what he could give me and my daughter. He was absolutely STUPEFIED that I chose my husband, who at the time made a 10-figure salary, over him, who had more money that he knew what to do with.

Fast forward 12 years, and this man, who promised me the world, has been married and is now going through a divorce (he married after I married and divorced while I’m still happily married.

Also while dating my one-day husband, I dated a very Napoleonic Beverly Hills attorney whom I knew from first blush was so into me because he had a SERIOUS case of jungle fever. Of course, he also promised the world, but that niggling feeling I had…it just didn’t go away, so…I passed.

Alpha men can be so very seductive. They are powerful, often financially well-off and successful in their careers. They are also hunters. And once they get their kill, they often loose interest and go on to the next conquest. The also cheat. And cheat and cheat and cheat. And require lots of blow jobs. (That’s just me kind of guessing, but I’ll bet I’m not wrong!) Don’t believe me? Exhibit A.

Alpha males are often quite insecure, and need constant praise and attention, and if you don’t give it to them, there are literally HUNDREDS of women who will do the job.

I’m not saying ALL alpha men are like this, but from someone who has dated their share, I can attest that there is a common thread with all of them.

The hubster is a beta with an almost genius I.Q. He does not have a gigantic ego that needs to be constantly fed, he works hard, but he has absolutely no desire to take over the world. But, he works his fingers to the bone so I can stay home and take care of our four kids, and he is loyal, loving and in it for life.

So, with the high-powered CEO and the big wig Beverly Hills attorney, I’m glad I passed. I’m a sucker for a nice guy, and it paid off big time.

Edited for Clarification: Alpha, Beta, Omega Personality Types

Alpha Personalities

Alpha people have primary behaviors from the 1-3-5-7 (Will-Active-Scientific-Idealistic-Organized) group. They are sensors-thinkers-judgers [Myers-Briggs STJ (12)] who like to assemble information and analyze it from a practical viewpoint. They are driven by a concern for purpose. Successful Alpha types utilize a moderate to very strong Will. Their Love (concern for people) characteristics are relatively low. They pay attention to detail, like clearly stated goals and are very systematic. They are usually quite successful in business utilizing extraverted behavior at work but their personal relationships are often for their benefit only. They are more introverted in social settings than extraverted in that they are not interested in socializing. They like to do things by themselves or with only one other person as opposed to participating in group functions. Their personal relationships build up to a moderately affectionate level and then stabilize. They are not comfortable discussing emotions. They are secure within themselves and they do not recognize that they need the security of a relationship until it is over. Think, Donald Trump or Tiger Woods

Beta Personalities

Beta people have primary behaviors from the 2-4-6 (Love-Creative-Idealistic) group. They are feelers-intuitors-preceivers [Myers-Briggs FNP (12)] who function in relationships by being good listeners. Their primary focus is on concerns for people and they have moderate to very high Love characteristics. Their exhibition of Will is relatively low. They tend to identify with the problems of other people. They are more interested in socializing and personal bonding than they are in planning events or completing a goal. Most of the time, they let things happen. When there Will is developed to a moderate level, they are extraverted in social settings easily entering into conversations involving emotions. With a low Will, they are withdrawn and introverted in their behavior. They can be quite insecure in personal relationships where emotional reinforcement is low. Think, Barack Obama.

Omega Personalities

Omega individuals normally have primary characteristics from the 1-2-6 (Will-Love-Idealistic) combination of behaviors. They do not fit the Jungian classifications of dipolar opposites. They display combined Jungian opposing behaviors. They have integrated behaviors in that they are thinker-feelers and intuitive-sensors adapting these behaviors to situations as needed. They are self-actualizers requiring little outside influence to take appropriate actions to correct misunderstandings in personal relationships. They exhibit “tough love” characteristics when dealing with dysfunctional people and they are true to their ideals. Personal relationships are very real and meaningful for the Omega Type. They develop very secure and long lasting relationships.

You can read the whole assessment here.

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