Black Women Suspicious When Desired yet Begging to be Desired?

Thinking Woman

Black Women Suspicious When Someone Desires Them

I just read this post on Clutch about a new dating site called I Love Black Women.  According to Clutch:

“Launching soon, the site is described as being “inclusively for black women and those who want to date them.” Only black women can join the site but it welcomes men of all races, and cites Asian, white and Latino men, who are interested in black women.”

Now I thought the commenters would be happy that finally there would be a website for Black women and the any men who desired them (including Black men. I thought they would be glad that many men of different races were attracted to Black women (note: at the time of this posting there were only 17 comments). But nooo! Instead the comments are full of suspicion with gems such as:

“20 dollars that will go into some rich white mans pocket?” (as if other dating sites don’t charge money)

“This sounds like a chance for a black woman to be someone’s fetish.” (from a Black male).

“A site where black women don’t have to compete with women of other races. Talk about insecurity. lol” (from a Black male).

“imo, this is an attempt to prey upon black women. there is an assumption that black women are hopeless and unwanted, and therefore desperate. they are feeding into this. they hope black women, who have great spending power, will open their wallets because they are desperate.”

As you can see above, comments that the site  is suspicious, a scam, for fetishists, a place to prey on Black women, and the mere existence of the site shows that Black women are desperate and undesired! Pay attention to that last part, if a site is devoted to dating Black women that implies that Black women are desperate and actually undesired? Does that make sense to anyone?

I bet if a site was created solely to date White women, Asian women (there are sites already devoted to Asian women), Hispanic women, or any other group (there are sites for Jewish women) then people would be fine with that.  But if a site is devoted to Black women then that must be a scam and a place prey on Black women and it means they are desperate!?  Couldn’t it mean that some men want Black women so badly that they are willing to pay a site to meet single Black women?

Black Women Begging to be Desired

Now contrast the negative reaction to I Love Black Women with the way Black women were acting on specific post on The Rules Revisited blog (owned and written by a White man probably directed at White women because notice there are no images of Black women in the post). In the post called How to Improve Your Hair the author says he prefers straight hair and thinks dreadlocks are disgusting (his preference whatever). The guy doesn’t like Black hair unless it is straight. Read the comments and see how the Black women chastised and lectured him about his preference for straight hair (probably like his own):

“This post was good, but what about black females. Curly kinky hair, with mostly shoulder length. Most wear weave to have long hair… any advice… ” (why are you even asking him?)

“I want your opinion on braids, twists, or sisterlocks on black women. What if it is neatly styled, thin, and long like the pictures below? Does it need to be straight and loose in texture to be attractive for you?” (why are you seeking his validation when he already said he doesn’t like your hair?)

“Andrew has stated that short, non-shiny hair is unattractive. Most black women do not have short, non-shiny hair by choice. It is genetic. I’m assuming they were looking to be included in the discussion. Most (if not all) of the images posted are of white women. There are enough black celebrities that could be used as examples too. ” (now the calls for inclusion).

“Also, should black women be have to straighten to imitate the hair/features of other women? I don’t understand that..because it isn’t as if you’re telling Asian women to get surgery or put heavy makeup on their eyes to make them look like other women…shouldn’t different ethnic groups have allowed to keep their one ‘ethnic’ differentiation and style it?” (Now trying to use reason and shaming to change his preferences).

“Wow ok. It’s one thing to have your preference but that’s border line insulting. My hair texture does is not inferior smh. I have a feeling you may not have been around too many black women who wear they’re hair naturally to realize it’s softness and ability to be in a much bigger variety of styles compared to white women.” (Now taking offense and more shaming)

“presenting statistics and being straightforward does not excuse using racist language (“inferior hair”) or buying into racist dominant hegemonic standards (long, flowing hair of the type that many black women cannot grow is attractive, kinky/coiled hair is not). It is racist to say that black women’s natural hair type is inferior to that of every other race’s. That is the very definition of racism. How is that anything other than racist? If you think it’s not, you’re in denial.” (finally the long lecture about racism. I agree he shouldn’t have used the word “inferior” but he just doesn’t think Afro hair looks as good as straight hair.)

Read through the comments and you will see a lot more of this attempt to “school” the author about Black hair and to shame him about telling women to look the way he prefers. This comment on the post summed up what I was thinking, “A need of understanding is different than a need for validation. You don’t know this man. It’s the internet get a grip.” The comments above looks desperate, needy, and overly sensitive in my opinion which actually makes Black women seem less desirable.

Do you see the difference between the two posts? When a site is devoted to loving and preferring Black women, Black women (and people) react negatively and are suspicious and don’t think it is necessary. There is no applause for Black women finally being included and recognized as desirable human beings who should have dating sited devoted to them. Yet when a man says he does not desire Black women in their natural form Black women waste their time trying to convince him that he should be more attracted to Black women and that they should be included in his posts about how to have beautiful hair. When someone accepts you and desires you give them more attention and when someone doesn’t desire you give them less attention…doesn’t that make sense?

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