If only it were true…
(DETROIT)- In a decision thatâ€™s expected to send shockwaves through the African-American communityâ€”and yet, give much relief to teachers everywhereâ€”a federal judge ruled today that black women no longer have independent naming rights for their children. Too many black childrenâ€”and many adultsâ€”bear names that border on not even being words, he said.
â€œI am simply tired of these ridiculous names black women are giving their children,â€ said U.S. Federal Judge Ryan Cabrera before rendering his decision. â€œSomeone had to put a stop to it.â€
The rule applies to all black women, but Cabrera singled out impoverished mothers.
â€œThey are the worst perpetrators,â€ he said. â€œThey put in apostrophes where none are needed. They think a â€˜Qâ€™ is a must. There was a time when Shaniqua and Tawanda were names you dreaded. Now, if youâ€™re a black girl, you hope you get a name as sensible as one of those.â€
Few stepped forward to defend black womenâ€”and black women themselves seemed relieved.
â€œItâ€™s so hard to keep coming up with something unique,â€ said Uneeqqi Jenkins, 22, an African-American mother of seven who survives on public assistance. Her children are named Daryl, Qâ€™Antity, Uhlleejsha, Cray-Ig, Fellisittee, Tayâ€™Shâ€™awn and Dayâ€™Shawndra.
Beginning in one week, at least three white people must agree with the name before a black mother can name her child.
â€œHopefully we can see a lot more black children with sensible names like Jake and Connor,â€ Cabrera said.
His ruling stemmed from a lawsuit brought by a 13-year-old girl whose mother created her name using Incan hieroglyphics.
â€œShe said it would make me stand out,â€ said the girl, whose name canâ€™t be reproduced by The Peoples Newsâ€™ technology. â€œBut itâ€™s really just stupid.â€
The National Association of Elementary School Teachers celebrated Cabreraâ€™s decision.
â€œOh my God, the first day of school youâ€™d be standing there sweating, looking at the list of names wondering â€˜How do I pronounce Qâ€™Jâ€™Qâ€™Sha.â€™?â€ said Joyce Harmon, NAEST spokeswoman. â€œIs this even English?â€
Finish the joke here.