Written by Saran Lawson
Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things you have to do. It feels like a part of you is dying. The companionship is ending no matter how minute it may have become in recent times, and that’s hard. There is one thing for sure, something has been off for a while now. You know you should end things, but giving up someone that you have feelings for is difficult. You have put so much into it, and you haven’t even made it official. You feel like it could be any day now that things begin to look up, but it’s been months; years even. This article is about breaking up with what never was. Here’s my playlist:
Settling is a word often associated with potential in relationships; that can be risky. You see the possibility of a person being what you need. So, you also settle for the possibility of it never happening. It’s essentially a passion project that may never pan out. You are trying to change a person into what you believe they can be, and they may resist that. A study found that people who didn’t want to be single were more likely to choose less desirable matches. Could your fear of being single overshadow choosing quality matches? If this is the case, it’s high time you let it go.
It’s time to do a sit-down. Whether it is via video chat or meeting at a neutral place; you’re tieing the loose strings of your ending “relationship”. My sister is the queen of gently letting someone down. Start the conversation with something positive about them. This will get the ball rolling is a good direction. Explain why you want to cut things off. Then, end the conversation with kind words if possible.
There are a few ways that will help you move past the relationship once you break it off. Detoxing is highly important. Jill Weber say’s, “the only realistic way out is to stop all contact so that you can start anew.” She also says, “Time away helps positively enhance perspective.” More of her expert opinion can be found in her book, Toxic Love 5 Steps. Working on yourself is important after a breakup. Taking up a new activity is a good way to take your mind off of the relationship that never was. Also, doing a self-discovery and pursuing self-love is also important in healing.
It’s all about leveling up and letting go of anything that isn’t making us better. We all have stories of entertaining someone a little too long. The key is that we learn from our mistakes and end the pattern. We are worth the love we give others. The best way to attract the love you so freely give other people is to learn to love ourselves. What advice can you give in getting past relationships that never were? Do you have a story about someone you held on to a little too long? Sound off in the comment section below.