If there was ever any doubt that the message drilled into young impressionable black women about how we’re the most undesirable, undatable, and unlovable creatures to ever breath God’s air, this excerpt from a fan of my You Tube channel will cinch it for you. She’s 25, a self-proclaimed nerd, homebody, and struggling musician.
I had been dealing with low self esteem issues for so long. I read an article with studies that showed that Black women were the least desired women in this country and least desired by ALL MEN (including black ones). That article killed something inside of me. I just felt something inside of me go numb. As a hopeless romantic, I can only assume it was hope. It kind of made me realize just how much I didn’t love myself, because it seemed like I was always seeking the love of a man. Something snapped inside of me because my feelings started to change. I started thinking, “Well, if no one is going to love me, then I’m going to love myself.” I really started to listen to myself, and get to know myself, and enjoy myself. I stopped feeling guilty for the things that I wanted, and I started being more honest about them. I started learning how to be nice to myself. I found your videos like three weeks ago and it’s been like breathing in fresh air. You make me feel empowered and I didn’t have that before. I wish I had found you at a younger age. I felt like it was really going to be just me, myself, and I from now on. If that was my destiny I wouldn’t really mind, but you let me know that it doesn’t HAVE to be my destiny. You’ve given me hope again and I just wanted to thank you for that.
It’s enough that these soul-killing messages can be ingested from outsiders, but what makes it worse is hearing those sentiments parroted by some hateful men that look just like us. Such negative news is often met with glee by those with such irrational hate in their hearts that they want to see their female reflection suffer, and suffer greatly. These are the “men” who justify their You Tube hate mongering because in 1987 black men went on Oprah and said there were no good black men, and for that, “we” must pay. They are the ones who at first said non-black men would never want us except for some sexual fetish, and once the numbers grew of black women wearing wedding rings next to their white husbands, we become “bed wenches.”
The hate is so very real, and I’m glad that our community is and will continue to be a “beacon of hope” to young black girls and women who stumble upon these hate mongers. This has and will continue to be our safe place. Show someone you care about this blog and the You Tube channel. You never know who’s life might literally be saved.