Book Writing Adventures

Flirting 101: Can You Tell When a Non-Black Man Is Putting the Moves on You?

Got dates?

So…how many girls up in here are getting their hair done today so they can look fly for that hot date tomorrow or Saturday night? Raise your hands!

Okay; now get out. This particular blog entry is for the ladies who have YET to get a date this weekend. Janice has recently hit pay dirt in her dating life, landing not one, not two but THREE dates with hotties of varied hues. So, she’s here so share some of her mojo in hopes it’s not too late for you to score this weekend. Now, we can’t guarantee that our advice could lead you to a weekend full of this, but hey! we’re pulling for you.

sizzz....she's got to tip toe, tip toe she's so hot! hee hee


After months of not dating, I now have three pending dates with two ridiculously sexy Mexican men and a handsome vintage vanilla life guard (think James Brolin, less David Hasselhoff). Although I’m a firm believer that love (or in this case dates with men) come when you least expect it, I’m starting to think Christelyn has been working some of her swirl voodoo on me. (Damn that Barbie doll video.)

So what was I doing to warrant this attention? Honestly, it was nothing more than a smile and a sunny disposition – and a little flirting doesn’t hurt either. Admittedly, flirting is second nature to me. I’m a people person — one of those peppy A-Type personality Leos who enjoys the company of others and who makes others feel special in mine.

And I’ve been around that well-known block enough times to know women flirt differently than men. Or at least the goals are different. For women it’s usually a way to get a little attention or even some harmless fun with no expected end game — unless she’s at a bar and wants a free drink.

For men, there’s always an end game — and it’s always sex. (Fess up guys, you know it is!) As individuals, men flirt differently, but race and culture also play a part when a dude is steppin’ to a sista.

I’ve found black men, in general, aggressive. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve been accosted by a brotha who went all Morris Day on me — “Baby, what’s your phone number?” — before even asking my name, or telling me his. (And, no, calling a woman a “bitch” after she turns you down is not endearing.)

“Ego and sense of entitlement,” have no place in flirting – and too many black men have it bad – notes Kimberley McCloud who gets into this more in her must-read article at

Striking up a conversation, as it happened with the three guys who asked me out this weekend, is more typical approach for white, Latino, Asian and Middle Eastern men — and, yes, some decent black men, too.

Ladies, you know what I’m taking about – that man who says hello, followed by a firm handshake, a smile, a compliment and THEN he tells you his name before asking yours. From there, (okay, if he’s fine or remotely interesting) the chat leads to how often you frequent the place, why you enjoy said place and when you’ll be back again. No exchanging of phone numbers necessary in that first encounter.

“If I flirt with the girl for long enough, she’s more likely to have sex with me,” according to the unnamed columnist in his article, “The Art of Flirting (And How To Do It).”

And who knows how it might work out for the guys I’ll be going out with soon. (And, yes, I secretly have my own end game ideas for two of them.)

Fellas take heed from a dude who has the right take on the subject and see if changing your game doesn’t get you more than hurt feelings…

  • Keep contact to a minimum. Nothing is more powerful in the flirting world than well-timed and placed body contact. Touching a woman should be the same as using your aftershave. Use with caution. If you overdo it, you’ll appear overbearing and creepy.
  • Avoid over-confidence. If you’ve got all the right words and know exactly what to say to get her interested in you, there is a danger that she’ll take you as one of those slippery guys who have played women one too many times.
  • Don’t play it too cool. Some guys prefer to take the ‘mysterious and cool’ approach by appearing dark and brooding from afar. This is all well and good but be aware than you have a limited window of opportunity to talk to her before you turn into the weird stalker who won’t stop looking at her. Instead, enjoy your evening and when she is available, just head over and talk to her. It’s really not rocket science!
  • Don’t flirt with every girl in the bar. Women talk. With their friends and with strangers at the bar or in the toilet. Find a girl you’re interested in and focus on her. If it doesn’t work out then you might need to move on to the next place to find somebody else. For the complete article, go to
Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog.