The following post from Cicely J. is based on her research for her book, Black Men vs. White Men: A Black Woman’s Choice. Apparently she went down to Atlanta and discovered it was the black gay man’s Mecca. (just kidding about that last part?)
Married to Her and Sleeping With Him
Everyone seems to have their own opinion as to why so many African American women are single. Oprah dedicated an entire show to the fact that 70% of eligible African American females are not married. Well anyone who has a computer and access to Google can read and understand that black women outnumber black men 5:1. With odds like that, it is no surprise to me that many of my girlfriends, cousins, colleagues, and shopping buddies are all still â€œplaying the field.â€
But is the playing field even? Is the dating scene even fair?
More black men are coming out of the closet to family and friends, much to the shock and chagrin of their previous girlfriends, who served as smokescreens. These newly-liberated men are now comfortable enough with their sexuality to warn young, beautiful, black women they once dated to â€œWatch out girl, there are more just like me!â€
â€œMore like meâ€ is code for men on the â€œDL,â€ an acronym for down low. They date women, marry women, have relationships and children with women but in their spare time, while on boy trips to Miami, Atlanta, the All Star games, and Vegas they have sex with men!
DL men are not easy to spot. They are masculine, handsome, and attracted to women. Unless you caught one in the act or intercepted a text message (which they will deny, deny, deny the content) you will be kept in the dark for weeks, months, and some women even years. Black women are the number one group of AIDS/HIV victims. This large number is not due to intravenous drug use or blood transfusions. Many black women (Iâ€™m sure other races are affected as well) are in committed relationships with â€œDLâ€ men, and had no clue their man was gay.
Girlfriend, if you are suspicious of your manâ€™s sexuality then trust your gut instinct. Donâ€™t marry some man just for the sake of being married only to find out two years later that your Knight in Shining Armor is not sexually attracted to you. If he is sexing you and banging his homies; run like Forrest! Heterosexual relationships already have enough drama.
I use the term â€œvictimâ€ because any time a woman is in a committed relationship or marriage to a closeted gay man and contracts this deadly virus, she becomes a victim of a violent crime. Many DL men are engaging in dangerous homosexual behavior on business trips or excursions out of town to keep everything a secret from family and friends. Some of their sexual partners are walking viruses, infecting each other. Since most wives make love to their husbands without the confines of condoms, she too becomes a potential recipient.
Bottom line: If you sleep with a man, whether itâ€™s one time or every weekend, then to most women (and other straight men) you are perceived as gay.
About Cicely J.
Cicely J is the President and Chief Editor of CRJ Publishing, LLC in San Francisco and Atlanta. She is currently on a book tour for her debut non-fiction: black men vs. White Men; the Black Womanâ€™s Choice. She is a featured article writer for Glam Courture Magazine, ALIVE Magazine, and TwelveTen Magazine.
She is the host of the soon to debut talk show â€˜Blog Out Loud!â€™ She is now accepting and reviewing manuscripts to publish while working on her next novel The Bestsellers Affair. For more information about Cicely, her books, and her company find her on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, and email her directly at: [email protected]