Book Writing Adventures

Has Your Rainbeau Man Taken Some Dings for You?

I love Pam in Fl, she’s part of a group of BB&W elite commenters on this board that teach me some learnin’. Her comment last week gave me a BRILLIANT idea for a discussion post:

We focus all the time on how IR dating and marriage affects us, but, many times in many ways, it’s not an easy road for the man, either. And it can negatively affect his career, his income, his family life, his social life, etc. Believe me, there are lots of white people that could decide to make things difficult for your man as punishment for stepping outside what they believe to be “acceptable” social norms. Even if they do that in subtle, passive-aggressive ways. There are people that will want to do that to your man.

Indeed, this is not an issue oft discussed, but certainly needs to be. Did you know that author and brand-new-mommy, Roslyn Hardy Holcomb, 45, won’t let her white husband have a single picture of her on his desk?

Extreme, much?

I guess it depends on where in the world you live, because I just asked the hubster if he ever got any direct pushback about his pairing with me from his workplace peers, and he couldn’t think of one single time. At least, not one that was obvious.

And therein lies the issue. It’s not always obvious, is it?

Maybe your rainbeau never gets invited to the big-boss cocktail parties or that coveted promotion stays just a few fingertips out of his reach. As black women, we know how sly and subtle racism can be, and we all choose to deal with it differently. Frankly, I take my dearly-departed-sainted father’s approach to prejudice: I just ignore it until it goes away. And surprisingly, 9/10 times, it does. I can’t tell you how many times someone who have become a close friend or colleague tell me how they had all these preconceived notions about the inherent ghetto-ness and classlessness of black women (thanks a bunch, BET, et al.) and then upon me sprinkling my black-girl fabulous fairy dust on them, they change their tune.

But seriously, I know that because my husband is married to me, he has lost some of that invisiblity that comes along with white privilege. The good part is that he could care less.


Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog.