Sexuality

Hymens don’t determine virginity, TI!

Written by Penelope Farthing

 

In today’s episode of boundary crossing, we have noted alleged cheater and rapper, TI, revealing that he attends yearly gynecologist appointments with his 18-year-old daughter, Deyjah. Not for education purposes, mind you, but for a virginity/hymen check. A hymen check, which has been condemned by several international organizations as an act of violence against women, by the way. A hymen check, when finding the clitoris is a thing of legend.

 

Earlier this year, I wrote about a father that beat his young daughter for being sexually active. Now we have the opposite end of the spectrum, a father invading his daughter’s privacy and disrespecting her bodily autonomy to make sure her hymen remains intact. How odd is it for a rapper, who routinely refers to women as any derogatory term that comes to mind, has such an interest in his daughter, when the women he lusts after, (who are not his wife, by the way), are someone else’s daughter too? Curious indeed. In typical Penny fashion, what can we learn from this?

 

  • There is still a shocking lack of understanding about female biology, and lack of concern about bodily autonomy

    While revealing his abysmal, abusive parenting practices, TI says that he does know that the hymen can be broken during other activities like horseback riding and sports etc. It can also be broken with a tampon, menstrual cup, or a vibrator, three things that teenage girls can and have access to and can use. And yet, armed with that knowledge, he still proceeded to carry out this abusive ritual and immortalize it online for all the world to witness. His little

  • Any father who takes an interest in his daughter’s virginity to this level is incestuous

    There are other ways for a father to contribute to his daughter’s healthy sexual development without literally policing her lady parts. If you read to the end of the transcription above, he says to the male doctor (more on that later) to give TI his results expeditiously. But TI does not own his daughter’s vagina so they are not his results! Sounds like a weird, possessive incest thing to me. But wait, there’s more!

    This isn’t fatherly, or protective, or cute. This is incestuous and disgusting and horrible and child abuse. Now that she’s 18, though, it’s not child abuse. It’s just abuse.

  • Boys don’t get the same policing though, do they?

    The pressure to remain “pure” falls squarely on the girl. Meanwhile a boy can go about his life actively looking for virgins to “deflower”, and be congratulated and hyped up by the likes of Hymen-Checker here. TI’s own rumored sexual impropriety has led to divorce papers getting filed a few times. It’s not like TI has set a good example for any of his children. Perhaps it would better serve his daughter for him to tell her not to choose a guy like her dad, and empower her to say no to bums, rather than embarrassing her on an international stage and putting a target on her for any derelict looking to check the “virgin” box off his conquest wish list.

    Does he take his sons to proctologists to make sure their rectums have not been corrupted? How about yearly polygraph tests to determine if they have engaged in sex of any kind? Or would he hire a privates (sic) investigator to follow his sons around and take picture evidence if caught in the act? It’s not quite the same as a hymen check, but a gross invasion of privacy none the less, and one I’m sure none of the alternatives I’ve suggested is being done to his sons.

    Why is TI so invested in this anyway? Obviously a good dad wants the best for their daughters. Perhaps since he knows that his treatment of women has been in the gutter, he feels like violating his daughter in this way is a means to prevent her falling prey to a guy who represents a younger version of him. You know, instead of empowering her to make good choices, steer clear of derelicts, and embrace the power of saying no, even to him.

    How odd for a man who routinely raps about the sexual things he’ll do to women, and was even featured on a song unironically called “Blurred Lines”, to take an interest in his daughter’s virginity to this disgusting level.

 

  • Tiny is complicit in this

    Kendall St. Charles frequently asks “who was at the gate?”, and the answer is often the men. But then she dives deeper and asks “who was at the door?” and that’s where this gets interesting. If virginity checks were so important (and let me repeat, THEY ARE NOT!!!), wouldn’t a trip to a gynecologist be something for a mother and daughter to do? Wouldn’t her mother or other female relative be better suited to navigate these conversations about sexuality and femininity with her girl child? Why has Tiny allowed this to happen? TI is at the gate of his daughter’s vagina, which is sick, creepy, disgusting, and completely vile and sickens me to type. But Tiny, though she may not be Deyjah’s biological mother, be it through indifference or some other reason, is at the door. This is something that needs to be addressed, and quickly, lest any of the younger Harris daughters meet the same fate.

  • The doctor allowing this is also complicit

    A gynecologist visit isn’t the most pleasant of activities, which is why personally I have a female gynecologist. TI reveals the gynecologist in this scenario is also male, referring to him as “he” in the retelling of his annual creep tradition. Can you imagine the complete HORROR a 16-year-old girl must have felt, legs in stirrups for a pelvic exam that she didn’t even need, mind you, having the state of her vagina being discussed by her dad and doctor? Pelvic exams aren’t even indicated unless there are symptoms or concerns, so this is doubly horrible. Not to mention, is this not a violation of HIPAA privacy laws too? The doctor allowing this to happen needs to be penalized by the state’s board of medicine. All around this is wrong and Deyjah has been failed at every turn.

  • And yet, people will STILL excuse make for this

    So far, I’ve seen people say “he’s probably exaggerating”, “he’s just being protective”, “he’s probably embellishing the story for shock value”, and the like. And you know what? I don’t give a damn. I will always take the side of a girl over a grown ass man who has shown his true colors before. Why is anyone siding with TI? Why are people turning a blind eye to the incestuous overtones of this exchange at all? Thankfully the people defending this are few, but even one is still too many. How can anyone justify TI’s actions? Quiet as it’s kept, actions like this, this gross invasion of privacy, disguised as “concern” or “just checking” is a girl’s first encounter with sexual abuse.

  • And if the hymen is broken, then what?

Say that this abusive gynecologist visit reveals that the hymen is indeed broken. There’s no way to prove the cause of the break, only that it is broken. Will TI disown his daughter? Is she tarnished or something? Is her self worth inherently tied to the intactness of a thin strip of mucosal tissue? The fact that he’s announced this at all with little care for how his daughter would feel about this further invasion of her privacy and autonomy is also concerning. It gives off vibes that he is announcing his virgin daughter is ready and available for sexing, even though “they’re no fun” and “all that work”. TI’s disgusting behavior has opened his daughter up to be publicly mocked. Instagram comments are defending her, but some are vying to be the one to “pop her cherry” and just generally being awful. Thanks to TI, now his daughter’s most intimate of details is out there for public consumption.

 

 

Ladies, this is not normal behavior. If your dad or any family member takes this level of interest in your parts, rather than all the other aspects of a girl’s sexuality, it is abuse.

 

And you know what else is sad about this? Despite his clear lack of respect for his own daughter, and other evidence that has shown he’s just not a good guy, TI will still be supported and regarded, instead of getting cancelled, permanently and expeditiously. Sigh.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Leave them in the comments below.

Disclaimer: This blog was written by me, Penelope, and my ideas are not necessarily reflective of Christelyn Karazin or other writers on this platform.

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