Last week I almost let the April 15th deadline pass me by. Not for filing my taxes, I did that early and got a decent return, but it had been 60 days since the beginning of my Love Quest and it was seriously time to assess my progress! Though the books have been helpful in guiding me through the inner and outer work I need to do to bring a real love relationship into my life, it’s been my readers at BB&W that have really kept me motivated, and I’m so appreciative to those who continue to check in. I only hope my experience so far hasn’t been too discouraging. I actually get a kick out of meeting and interacting with quirky or eccentric people even if they don’t turn out to be good romantic partners. If you can’t keep your sense of humor when diving into the dating pool, you’re going to end up getting all wet.
I’ve been on a few more dates since I passed on Grumpy St.Kitts. I met a single father of twins, BM age 35, on one of my boutique dating sites and we had a nice dinner at a one of my favorite restaurants near the harbor. He was attractive and his boxer training was keeping him in pretty good shape. Once we discovered our mutual liking for stand-up comedy the mood became very jovial and we made plans for a second date for dinner and a movie by the end of the night. I took the lead on that date, but it seemed to fizzle during our dinner conversation. I take some of the blame for not telling him my real age sooner and then digging myself further into a hole by trying to joke about it. When he made no further contact to initiate another date, I let it drop. I saw that he checked out my profile on Match.com about a week later, but still no direct contact.
My date with the former basketball pro and sports agent, BM 42, who looked nothing like his incredibly outdated photo, was . . . well, interesting. We made plans to meet at the movie theatre, but I had to send several texts before I found him strategically stationed in a lookout position by the concessions, wearing a baseball cap, hoodie and jeans and already holding a large popcorn and soda. After we were seated, we decided to leave and play pool instead because he couldn’t watch 3D movies without getting a headache (even though he had purchased the tickets himself) and everything else was sold out. His behavior was strange to say the least, and I probably should have bailed, but I was truly fascinated by what he might come up with next. Later, we had a refreshingly honest conversation and he asked me to plan our next date as a do-over. Instead of dinner at a nice restaurant that I proposed, he wanted to return to the pool hall for chicken wings and a rematch, and said that he’d be wearing sweats again and when I got there, he was already eating the wings! When I made a comment about our casual attire, I got a half-assed invitation to a formal event he was planning but never provided any details. Then, the day before the event he got an attitude with me because I didn’t follow up.
I could have contacted the Stand-Up Guy or asked the Laid-Back Sports Guy for the details about his event, but I’m no longer making an effort when the other party doesn’t reciprocate; especially when I’m not feeling the chemistry to begin with. Ahh, chemistry- that elusive, intangible thing that just cannot be created and refuses to abide by any boundaries or rules. I know a stylish, talented set designer who bears a slight resemblance to James Franco and sets off all my bells and whistles. Much to my chagrin, he’s also gay and so perhaps we were merely destined to bond a friendship. He was the only person who was equally as excited to go and hear David Sedaris read some of his new material in Baltimore; and guess what? I saw two other interracial couples (BF with WM) sitting in our section of the theater and, unlike my situation, they appeared to be romantically involved. Do you think socially liberal, intellectual WM who listen to NPR more likely to date out? I think someone needs to investigate.
I’m only a few chromosomes short of being a gay man anyway. Not only do I share most of their more stereotypical interest like musical theatre and home decor (please note that I did say stereotypical, I realize gays have many varied interests), but I also find myself attracted to men who aren’t necessarily effeminate, but, well pretty. While I agree that the most widely accepted celebrity heartthrobs (Clooney, Depp, Pitt, Denzel, etc.) seem to only get better with age, it’s pretty boys like Adam Levine (Maroon 5), Michael Ealy (Think Like a Man), Sendhil Ramamurthy (Cover Affairs), and Mark Salling (Glee) that really get my motor running. Metrosexual men are masters of looking good and I love a man in a finely tailored suit with a colorful shirt and tie. Even their casual clothing fits well and is put together with some sense of personality. Don’t even get me started on the shoes.
Boy Wonder sort of falls into this category as well, though his personal style is a more Boho than Bad Boy or Brooks Brothers. Damn, now I’m kicking myself for turning down his offer to meet for a romantic tryst in Florida. I mean who goes on a crash diet without doing a little binge eating first? Even Rachel Greenwald said I should treat myself to something special before starting her program.
But chemistry even defies all preferences otherwise I wouldn’t be somewhat smitten with an IT guy I met at one of my meetup events. He’s a very tall BM, age 36, and reminds me of a younger, less burly version of Ving Rhames. When I told him I was tethering my very basic model smartphone to my laptop to get on online, he asked if he could try to turn it into a hotspot. For a techno-geek, this dude is pretty slick. In one smooth move he created an excuse to see me again, show off his skills, and help a sister out with her internet connection free of charge. How could I possibly say no? It took longer than we anticipated to locate and download all of the files we needed, so lucky for me, we had to schedule another meeting. His whole demeanor was so self-assured and persuasive, if he had said the first step of the procedure was to remove my clothes, I probably would have started with my shirt. I’m just glad that some of this work I’ve been doing is finally beginning to pay off.