Message to the Men: Sometimes Nothing You Do Will Be Good Enough (Tough Lesson; Must Read)

Oy vey….. What comes part and parcel of being a friend of mankind is being privy to information that other women aren’t. In addition to that, I’m often libel to offer an attentive ear when the ladies feel a need to personal dump on me. I actually don’t mind, I do more listening and observing than I do talking, and when it’s all said and done I’ve come to realize a few things about certain people.

Sometimes, there’s nothing you can do to get a woman to realize that you like them.

Sometimes, there’s NOTHING you can do to get a woman to realize that you value them.

Sometimes, there’s nothing YOU can do to get a woman to realize that you would walk to the ends of the world for her because no one else ever has.

And why might this be, you ask?

Simply because some people are caught in the failure role of the loser they see themselves to be.

They’ve been fed Kool-Aide by Blakistan or other dysfunctional and abusive people and have decided the risk to sip some cold, fresh water (try something new) is too great. They don’t want to dump their lifelong drank, the unknown,  is not worth giving up the sweet, chemical concoction they’ve grown to know.

Besides, EVERYONE else (here) LOVES Kool-Aide so why shouldn’t she?

Sad, but true folks.

What I’ve come to learn is that often there really is no big stupendous answer to the questions of life.

People get caught up in the familiar and they like it like that.

If I could count the number of times I’ve heard some woman give me the run down to the most despicable shit you’ve ever heard in your life. I’ve sat in tears from listening to the abuse that some women suffer, only for her to get to the end of her exhausted tale. And after I ask, “Why”, or what is the glue holding her to the craziness, for her to tell me that, “she loves him” as if you can’t love a muthafuka from a distance.

Especially when they’re wack, and most definitely when they’re wack and crazy!

I get that there are people that can’t be helped for one reason or another and their behavior is not good for me to have in my life. I used to pine and become upset at myself for feeling like I was bailing on someone who I thought needed me until I realized that I NEEDED ME and MY CHILD NEEDED ME and that took priority over being anyone’s kickstand.

I still love you. I’m just gonna do it from a distance that’s safe for me. Ain’t no harm in that and more women should learn to put this into practice. If you INSIST on romanticizing bullshit then this is how you do it.

There are women who will stand by and take a man as her own after he’s beaten her, robbed her, lied to her, manipulated her, and disrespected her in ways a healthy minded person would never stand for.

Some of these women will even be suspicious of man who doesn’t display his ‘love’ in a way in which she is accustomed. If you don’t slap her up at least once a month then she’ll question your loyalty.

Emotional and mental abuse is a form of violence and it greatly inhibits the victim from being able to make sound decisions when it comes to personal relationships. No amount of flowers, candy, or compliments will be able to de-program someone who has been mind fucked for decades. I would loosely deem these types of folks as abuse victims, but quiet as it’s kept, the dysfunction is cultural and typical. Getting someone to understand that they are a victim is dam near next to impossible, they’ve got to get to that place on their own.

That “Ah-Ha” moment can be a great thing.

Don’t even bother unless both you and her are aware of her issues. Helping someone work through their shit is a noble efforts but first make sure they are willing to do the work necessary to grow. You can’t make a person see themselves differently if they aren’t ready to do so.

There are women out here who have never been shown love by her parents, siblings, friends, lovers or their community, the probability is that your positive and healthy interactions with her will be seen as foreign which will then make her suspicious.

That’s a dam shame but it’s a fact of life. It’s up to you to decide if you want to put on a cape and take on her mission goals or not.

If you do get far enough along where she admits to your treatment of her being better than what she is used to, she may get angry at what she was missing all along. She may get defensive and push YOU away, since you are the reminder that she was missing out on certain things, why be reminded?

There are some women out here that see themselves as the mirror that they’ve been shown all their lives. You cannot convince them that they are beautiful, intelligent, or charming.

You cannot convince them that they are anything more than worthless and disposable, and if you try, you may find yourself not ‘fitting in’ with what she’s used to and thus, discarded for more familiar pastures. Men who abuse her and take advantage of her will be soothing like an old, comfy blanket.

She knows how to play victim, she might not know how to play the role of victorious.

There are some women who are just used to running and they will dash from man to man in an attempt to feel ‘special’ and your honeymoon phase will soon fade, at which time she will announce that you aren’t exciting enough for her. You will be replaced, quietly and with dignity or you could choose to turn things into a star crossed passionate romance filled with double talk, cheating and lies by sticking it out to ‘prove’ that you really love her. A tumultuous life is what some folks call real love.

There are some women whose mind will play tricks on them and no amount of effort will penetrate her self perception. Her value is a non-thought abstract concept and not a belief that she knows and accepts. You may treat you well, but she may wonder why such a great guy wants to be bothered with someone so damaged. Her insecurity will wear on you and one day you may even begin to see her like she sees herself.

Certain females think they will make a change in their poor personal relationship habits by introducing new players into the land of crazy. As you are out here making your rounds in search of love I warn you to be mindful of emotional vampires and purgatory princesses.

Deal with these types and you run the risk of wasting valuable time, and effort on someone who doesn’t know what to do with you and in all probability will be unable to return the love you are giving in a manner in which you understand.

I am willing to listen to a person who wants to talk, and I am willing to be a support system to those in need of an ally but what I won’t do is join in on a pity party. If a person thinks they are so far gone that all hope is lost and they are destined to be alone and miserable then I can’t help but to agree with them. And if they think they deserve the sun, the moon and the stars, I can’t help but to agree with them.

See how that works……?

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