Monday Punday 13

Monday-Punday #13

SirLoin knows that a good pun is its own reword.


Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina; one went to Hollywood and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the cotton fields, never amounting to much and became known as the lesser of two weevils.


Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. “I’ll have a glass of blood,” said one. “I’ll have a glass of plasma”, said the other. “Okay,” replied the bartender, “that’ll be one blood and one blood lite…”


A group of indie-film enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing around in the lobby discussing their recent ‘sightings’ of the ‘well-endowed’ starlets. There were constant cries of, “Pam Anderson” … “Bamboo” … even “Dixie Dynamite”. About an hour later the manager comes out of his office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked as they moved along. “Because,” said the manager, “I can’t stand chest nuts boasting in an open foyer.”



A struggling young comedian, mentored by an experienced one, was trying to write a scene that would happen in a kitchen. There were several very good lines involving eggs, milk, and orange juice, and a few sly innuendos about the stove and the flour canister, but he desperately needed something about the pots and pans.


Looking about in his kitchen, the pair saw a very nice set of Teflon-coated aluminum cookwear, from a six-inch frying pan to a five-gallon stockpot.

“Hey, maybe something about the whole set!” exclaimed the comic.

“No, not that set, Teflon-coated aluminum will never do,” replied the senior comedian.

“Why not?” wondered the comic. “What’s wrong with Teflon-coated aluminum?”

“It just isn’t funny! Look at it. Think about it. Nothing comes to mind, right?”

“Well, yes… that’s the whole problem!”

“But think of, say, a cast iron skillet. The comic potential is enormous! Why, there are literally thousands of slapstick routines alone just involving someone getting whacked on the head with one!”

“Thousands, Sir?”

“Surely anything a cast iron skillet can do, Teflon-coated aluminum can do just as well! Come on, let’s put our minds to it.”

“It’s just no use, my friend! Teflon-coated aluminum is inherently not suitable for use in comedy routines! I’ll prove it to you. Do you have any still new?”

“Why, yes, in fact I bought a crepe pan just this morning.”

“Let’s have a look at it. Aha! See, right there on the label, it says it’s…

non-shtick cookware!”





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