Monday is Punday #15

Monday-Punday #15

SirLoin knows that:

A bather whose clothing was strewed,

By winds that left her quite nude,

Saw a man come along,

And unless we are wrong,

You expected this line to be lewd.


The limerick is furtive and mean

You must keep her in close quarantine

Or she sneaks to the slums

And promptly becomes

Disorderly, drunk and obscene.


There was a young girl from Rabat,

Who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;

It was fun in the breeding,

But less in the feeding,

When she found she had no tit for Tat.


The codfish lays ten thousand eggs,
The homely hen lays one.
The codfish never cackles,
To tell you what she’s done.
And so we scorn the codfish,
While the humble hen we prize.
Which only goes to show you,
That it pays to advertise.


Lets face it — English is a crazy language (part 2):

Sometimes I think that all the English speakers should be committed in an asylum for the verbally insane. It what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as Hell one day and cold as Hell the next?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? Have you had an encounter with a linquent teen, a ruthful thuq or a praved fiend? Heard substantiated gossip? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down … in which you fill in a form by filling it out … where the family name ‘Talliaferro’ is pronounced the same as ‘Tolliver’ …and in which an alarm clock goes off as it goes on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. Any why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

See youse latah ...

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