Monday Punday # 19

Monday-Punday # 19


These two strings walk up to a bar… The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells “I don’t serve strings in this bar… The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders… The bartender shouts, Hey, didn’t you hear what I told your buddy?” String says “Yeah.” Bartender says, “aren’t you a string?” … String says, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

This skeleton walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer and a mop.”

A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you.” “Why not?” asks the snake. The bartender says, “Because you can’t hold your liquor.”



Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted…


Wine Labels


This vintage white was gently plucked from the ancient vines of the Nile Delta, in Upper Egypt – Floral scents combine with a hint of dry desert sand blown in from the desert, and with a crisp aftertaste, reminiscent of Tanna leaves, the kind that you used to raise your Mummy.


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From the Reprobate Vineyards: this decrepit vintage is a careless re-blending of indifferently-cared-for wines, displaying an overall sense of well-being and a warm appreciation of fermented grape juice.


At first sip, there is a brief warming, with the senses alerted by an explosion of asparagus, rose hips and catnip, followed by full blossoming overtones of coal dust, Diesel oil and graphite.


The long, slow followup of agave juice, woodruff and used Popsicle stick and a final note of used gym socks presupposes a bundle of warm, oozing oats that have already been through the horse once. Cheers!


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It is one of those minor notes of history that made some members of the U. S. Corps of Engineers become concerned about the rate of soil erosion at a new section of Mississippi River levee. A brilliant solution, made by a junior officer, was the mass planting of a certain species of mint plants. It was found, however, that this particular strain of mint required regular fertilizing by frogs, and so, to keep the mint flourishing and so protect the levee, sever thousand frogs were incubated and let loose in the levee area, to keep the mint plants healthy and green.


The problem arose when the local inhabitants quickly discovered that, for a very little effort, several meals of frog’s legs could be had by spearing frogs. Within a month, you could see dozens of lights at night, coming from parties of frog hunters, out for a free meal. The mint plants began to shrivel, for lack of frog deposits.


Something had to be done, and so it was that it became a Federal Offense to be caught De-frogging the U. S. Cover-Mint!



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