As a change of pace SirLoin along with Brenda55 offer a short story
The Ideal Man.com
Once upon a time there was a certain amateur wizard, who tried his hand at creating the ideal woman-to-man online match-up.
The rules were simple, in that any woman who visited the site would have one, and only one, chance to achieve her perfect, guaranteed match, resulting in a guaranteed marriage that would last a lifetime. Guaranteed.
As many women had before her Holly registered and paid her fee. She had tried everything. She knew her ideal man, her Mr. Right. She had her standards and she knew he was out there but alas she had not found him up until this point. This she felt was her last hope. She clicked on the button that said ENTER and read the following.
WELCOME TO THE WIZARD,S GUARANTEED MATCHUP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR IDEAL MATE. THERE IS ONLY ONE HARD-AND-FAST RULE, IN THAT YOUR MUST USE THE SERVICE ONLY ONCE AND NEVER AGAIN. AFTER YOU MAKE YOUR CHOICE AND ARE PROVIDED WITH YOUR IDEAL MAN, YOU MUST EXIT THE SITE AND NEVER RETURN. HERE ARE YOUR CHOICES:
Option 1: Your Ideal Man – one who is warm & breathing, of any age, with a high-school education, steady employment and who strongly desires intimate contact with you – there is a vast pool of available mates. Accept or Pass.
Holly was disgusted with this minimalist offering, hits the pass button and so goes to …
Option 2: Your Ideal Man – one who is warm and breathing, of age within a decade of yours, with an Associates Degree, has a good job with a steady income and who strongly desires frequent intimate contact with you – there is still a vast pool of available mates. Accept or Pass
Holly knows that she wants more, in fact deserves more in a lifetime partner she again hits the pass button, and moves on to …
Option 3: Your Ideal Man – one who is pretty hot, at an age within 5 years of your own, with a Bachelor’s degree, a good job with a steady income and who strongly desires intimate contact with you – there is a large pool of available mates. Accept or Pass.
Holly thinks “Hummmmm. While this was getting there, I knows that, as a true womyn, my standards have to be higher for a lifetime partner. After all I bring a lot the the table and I DESERVE more. So once again she passes and moves on to …
Option 4: Your Ideal Man – one who is hot, at an age within 5 years of your own, with a Master’s degree. He owns his own car, rents a nice apartment in a good section of the city. He has a good professional job with a steady income and has just been placed in the Executive training program in his company. He is on the fast track for advancement. Once again he strongly desires intimate contact with you – There is still a moderately large pool of available mates. Accept or Pass.
Holly sits up. She is stoked. “Now this was more like it. But, well, still…..” She thinks to herself “Each choice has been better than the last. Ohhhhhhh, I bet there has to be still better options. This is for the rest of my life after all and I am a catch of course.”, She passes and advanced to …
Option 5: Your Ideal Man – This one who is a hottie by most women’s opinion, at an age within 5 years of your own, with a MBA, owns his own BMW car, owns a well appointed condo downtown in the heart of the city’s dining and entertainment center. He is in middle management and in fact is the go to man in his firm pulling down a six-figure income. He too strongly desires intimate contact with you – there is moderately large pool of available mates. Accept or Pass
OK, Holly thinks, “This is good. Really good, a certified catch. He has everything most women could want.” She looks at the screen, her hand hovering on the mouse ready to click Accept but then passes. “I am not most women. I am after all a catch also so let’s just try for a teeny bit more.”
Option 6: Your Ideal Man – one who is a hottie by most women’s opinion. A regular at the gym with a personal trainer. This man is ripped. And at an age within 5 years of your own. He has an MBA & Ph.D., owns his own BMW car, has a paid-for Town house in a fashionable section of the city, has a great professional job with a six-figure income, Stock options, bonuses and a generous expense and travel account. No former spouses or children and who strongly desires intimate contact with you – there is a smaller pool of available mates. Accept or Pass.
Holly is elated. She stands up and does the happy dance. “Oh, wow, this is just what I’ve been waiting for, in fact more. My girlfriends will be green with envy. She starts to click Accept then thinks. “Why not make them really sick? I’ll just get a tiny little peek at the next option.”
Option 7: Your Ideal Man – one who is sophisticated and by most women’s opinion romantic, attentive and chivalrous. At an age within 5 years of your own, with a MBA & Ph.D., He owns a Lexis & BMW car, has a paid-for newly built home in a prestigious community out side of town that is maintained by a house keeper, a gardener and staff hired on an as needed bases. He has a solid upper management position in one of the leading business firms in the country earning a seven-figure income plus investment income, Stock options, yearly bonuses and a generous business travel and entertainment account. No former spouses or children and though strongly desiring intimate contact with you, is sensitive to your needs and would be willing to initiate contact only when you desire it – there is a small, defined pool of available mates. Accept or Pass.
Holly slaps her hands down on the desk and whoops. “I have stock gold. This is it!!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s stop right here. Perfection. Sheer perfection. It can’t get better then this. No way.” But then Holly looks at the screen and sees two more choices. She “ feels”….. she just…. “knows”……. and hits the pass button once more. “I’m worth the best and that is what I will have.”
Option 8: Your Ideal Man – one who is sophisticated and HOT, at an age within 3 years of your own, with a MBA & Ph.D., owns his own Lexis, BMW and Jaguar convertible, has a custom built home in an exclusive gated community of winding drive ways and waterfront views. The home is maintained by a full staff over seen by a butler, head house keeper and ground staff. He has a personal assistant as will the women he marries. This man is president and CEO of the profitable company his family founded generations ago and has international business connections requiring travel around the globe. Money is not a concern and he has no former spouses or children which he does want. He is without a doubt all Alpha yet he is always cool and controlled,with no temper outbursts, though strongly desiring intimate contact with you would be willing in tune with your needs as a woman and would gently and tenderly initiate such contact only when you desire it – there are only several dozen available mates. Accept or Pass.
“This right here. That’s got to be ‘Having-It-All,’ I’m gonna go for this one … oh, but….there is one more. There is one last choice.” Holly got up from her desk and paced the floor. She remembers her girlfriends and thought, “They said I could ALWAYS do better. They said I was exceptionally unique and there is always someone better.” She bit her lip, paced the room again stopping in front of the monitor. “I have got to know cause what could be better than this… but……She hits pass yet again.
Option 9: Your Ideal Man – one who is sophisticated and handsome. An Adonis. He is only a little older than you worldly and titled. A true Renaissance man possessing a Ph.D. He is the sole heir to old family money. Owns several luxury automobiles kept in a climate controlled garage as well as a Lear Jet and a yacht with professional crew. Has a fully restored and staffed Mansion on 65 rolling acres of prime land in a certified historic section of the state as well a homes in five of the major world’s capital cities. He is CEO of a successful investment firm and works from home. He is considered the Alpha of Alpha’s and, while always cool and controlled, with no temper outbursts, is a hero, ‘fresh-from-the-fight,’ No former spouses or children and while he seeks an heir and truly loves children he’s willing to forgo all intimate contact in deference to your unique needs, as he knows that this is ‘icky’ and ‘messy,’ and not something a woman who is refined, delicate and who’s most important relationships are with her mother and girlfriends ever wants.
Accept or Pass.
“Yes, YES, Y.E.S., That’s the man I want … I get everything … I CAN HAVE IT ALL … and I don’t have to put out anything to get it … YEAH, that’s the man I want … This…is….the…..one…..I…….want! This was worth the wait.” Holly enthusiastically hits Accept.
“Wait a minute, what’s this little notice-thing below?”
Holly Leaned in to read the screen.
— There are no heterosexual man
currently on the face of the earth
who meets all your qualifications.—
You are hereby ejected from the Wizard’s Match-up service ISP and can never return. Goodbye, and good luck finding your ideal mate.
The program terminates and the computer shuts down as her printer spits out a voucher good for the adoption of a cat from the local animal shelter.
“No, no, wait, I wanna go back, I’m a womyn, it’s my RIGHT to change my mind, any time I want … you gotta let me go back to the last option. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo …”
And what of the wizard?
The last time I checked, the wizard was sunk in a deep depression and chugging several ‘wee drams’ of single-malt Scotch a day. It always ended that way. His site a failure the Wizard has given up on that online mating deal and has gone back to producing gold in ‘ever-filled purses,’ as it was a lot easier.