Monday is Punday 8

Oh, the orgasmic joys of SirLoinDeBeef, listening to the groans coming from the Internet … Warning: Incorrigible punster. Do not incorrige.

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A horny gay boy from Khartoum

Took a lesbian up to his room.

They spent the whole night

Arguing who had the right

To do what and with what and to whom!

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My grandfather came from eastern Europe.

Was he Russian?

No, he took his time.

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Time flies like an arrow!

Fruit flies like a banana.

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Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

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A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.

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What kind of bees give milk? Boo bees.

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A business executive was told that, if he ever got to Boston, he should try a dish of immature cod, called scrod (pronounced ‘skrahd’). Finding himself in Boston with a 4-hour layover between flights, he exited the airport, got into a cab, and said, “take me somewhere I can get scrod.” The cab driver leaned back, turned around in his seat and replied, “buddy, I’ve been asked that question a million times … but never in the pluperfect subjunctive!”

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The keepers at the San Diego zoo were having a fit. The new porpoise exhibition was in trouble, because all the two new porpoises did was mate. With lots of splashing and whistling. At their wit’s end, they discovered that a steady diet of seagulls calmed down randy dolphins. Thus, at the end of the month, the elderly grounds keeper came up to the porpoise tank with his bucketful of sea-birds, only to discover that the old, mostly toothless lion had escaped from his cage and was lying there, drowsing in the warm sun, across the entrance to the porpoise tank. The old man just stepped across the tawny animal, threw the bucket of birds into the water and left … only to be arrested by the members of the vice squad. The charge: transporting gulls across a staid lion for immoral porpoises!

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“This little piggy went to market (big toe);

This little piggy stayed home (next toe);

This little piggy had a burger (next toe);

This little piggy had none (next toe);

And this little piggy (last toe) was in the bar, slamming down 5 pints of beer and taking Lasix … because he had to ‘wee-wee-wee’ all the way home.”

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On a more serious note …

Over the past four years, I’ve tried to online self-publish a book of gentle humor, titled Tails from the Burrow – to date, it’s sold a whole 6 copies.

My writing just couldn’t compete with explicit descriptions of steamy romance, snarky characters or ‘multiple’ shades of gray, all complete with graphically writhing genitalia … I’ve got no contacts in the publishing business … don’t do social media … I got no reviews – sigh.

My tale has no writhing romance … it just gently describes the mis-adventures of one Thomas Q. Cattus, an orange-and-white-stripped tomcat who originally barely got by, living under a rock, just outside of Catville.

Thomas Q. now lives in the Burrow with his mate, Tabitha P-for-Pretti Cattus, who, fairly frequently, pulls his fur out by the paws-full – you’ll have to read the book to find out why …

By the way, his middle initial, Q, stands for Q-U-T-E, but pronounced ‘CUTE.’ Cats can’t spell. Do you know of any cats that can spell? – Actually, Catville’s main employer, Puss-Tech Industries, got it’s start selling spell-checkers to cats …

Our Tommy, a less-than-mighty-hunter, needed a job. We know how humans find work, but cats …

Qwie gets handed an impossible assignment at work. Has this happened to someone you know? How did our tawny hero handle it?

Humans drive cars, motorcycles and bicycles. Cats, on the other paw … All the mailboxes on Burrow Lane are set on heavy springs, anchored to the ground – did Qwie have anything to do with that?

Thomas has some interesting relatives, particularly one from The Islands, whose fur dissolves or corrodes whatever he’s sitting on. Are you curious why? – Read on …”

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Therefore, if ya want a FREE book of gentle humor, you gotta send me your e-mail address to my already-public hotmail address:

[email protected]

I’ll send the book, free of charge, as an attachment to a brief message – then I’ll delete your address – it will be in .doc format.


>>> See ya’all next week … just don’t incorrige <<<


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