Once upon a time, someone somewhere decided that there was a “totem pole” and that black women are at the bottom of it. Especially in terms of beauty and relationships. Now, there is no doubt that black women catch their fair share of hell when it comes to scrutiny and “experts” claiming that we are ugly, undesirable, un-datable, unloveable, and will probably all die alone and die out. Boo-freaking-hoo.

Amazingly, you have black women who will trot out this totem pole nonsense because they honestly think it applies directly to them and that they are beholden to it. If that is you, let me ask you something: Why?

Why do you think some mythical pole that is not an actual object, that women do not in reality use to check their status, has anything to do with yourself and your individual life? Why reference it when convincing yourself that you are not good enough for someone or something and never will be? It’s time to stop using poisonous systems created by other people to keep you down as validation for making yourself out to be lower than you are in reality. At least if you decided that you did not want to or deserve to be.

That totem pole doesn’t exist, and it if did, it’s certainly not for your benefit. “Totem poles” of this sort are thought up because someone is always trying to stand on someone else. The more people are beneath them, the better they feel about themselves.

If you have no intention of being stood on, you have no need for a totem pole. So chop it down, and go on with your life.