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Gender Conflict

QOTW: Black Father Blames Himself for Daughter’s Interracial Dating Choice

Here’s the question:

Dear Christelyn ,
A very heart breaking issue has arisen in my family because of my dating preferences. A brief history: I was raised in a home with my mother and grandparents. My father unfortunately was incarcerated when I was only 2 years old and was not released until I was 13. My parents tried to get back together once he came home but they were unable to get along, so they each decided to date other people instead. They have been very good friends since, and my father has been very active in my life since he has been home. He immediately made sure I excelling in my academics and went to college himself so that he could put me through college when the time came. He paid for my entire 4 years of education out of pocket. (Ie:He’s a really great father).
Recently however, my parents strangely decided to have dinner together. Somehow their main topic during this meal was me… and the fact that I am in love with a man who is white. My father was already aware of this but not prepared for what my mother was going to say next. She basically told him that I would never in my life date a black man because of him. She made him believe that because of his absence for 11 years of my life, I think poorly and even hate black men; but this is not true.
To be perfectly honest, as a child it did not matter to me that my father wasn’t present. He left us when I was such a young age that I had no memory of him.  You can’t miss someone you don’t remember. Of course I often wondered about him, but he called me once a month and always said ” I love you, I’ll be home soon”. How could I ever hold a grudge on someone that sincere. I really love my father and I  always have. I think my mom is the one who felt abandoned and she’s using me to express her angry and/or disappointment toward him.Meanwhile, no matter what I say my dad is now convinced that not only do I hate him but I hate myself as well. According to him if I truly loved myself, I would want someone who looked like myself. He wants me to see a shrink. I don’t know what to do.
How do I convince my dad that just because I love a white man doesn’t mean that I don’t love him or hate myself?

Here’s my take..

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