Question of the Week

Question of the Week: “Should I Approach A Black Girl In Front of Her Black Friends?”


Got this question from a young man from my You Tube Channel:

there is a black girl i like at college the only problem is she is always around black people when i get the chance to talk to her she is sweet and an sexy accent what should i do should i make a move or back off since she is always around black people please dont read my name out thanks


Okay Mr. Don’t-Read-My-Name-Out-Thanks, here’s my advice.

Don’t even think another second about going up to this girl in front of her friends. While I don’t think it’s ever a good idea for a guy to approach any race of woman when she’s with a large group of girls and guys, I especially don’t recommend doing it in front of black folks for a couple reasons:

1) You could get clowned. Even if this girl is as nice and sweet as pie, something often happens when young and often immature people in a group are faced something different that might make them feel awkward: They’ll make a joke out of it, and I for one don’t want you to be the center of cruel teasing that might in ensue. Truth is, the idea of black women dating interracially still raises the hackles of some black folks, especially the males. They might engage in some pissing contest with you to claim ownership of “their” woman. The girl that you like might very well be interested in you, but group and peer pressure may force her into a corner and make a decision that will maintain her acceptance and standing in the group. And if she’s always with these folks like you say, then that to me is strong indicator she really cares what they think and are dependent on them for her social well-being.

2) The other young women in the group might react cattily to your interest in their friend, and might try to negatively influence her decision whether or not to get to know you. Jealous women are notorious for throwing a monkey wrench in their friend’s love connections, I’m sorry to say.

But my friend, you are in luck. My buddy Jordan Harbinger, co-founder of the Art of Charm has lent his advice, so take heed.

Go up to her when she’s alone. No being a wuss…no email. Go up to her, call her by name, and say “I wanted to catch you when you weren’t busy with all your friends and I didn’t want to embarrass you, but I think you’re super cute and I want to get to know you better.”

If she’s interested, say , “Awesome, give me your phone number so I can give you a call,” and hold out your phone and tell her to punch it in. Tell her you will give her a call later that day.” Text her within the hour with your number and say “Hey here’s my number so you can have it” then sign your name. Then call her later that day and make plans. They shouldn’t be fancy– take her for ice cream and a walk in the park. The point is to get to know her. Then maybe next time have a study date, and keep it on the low for a while until you build up a solid connection and foundation with her. Then introduce yourself to the group by saying something like, “Hey, I haven’t met you guys yet, my name is Mr. Don’t-Read-My-Name-Out-Thanks.”

UPDATE: I have to edit this post to add a video I found on You Tube. The image is a bit blurry but his message is loud an clear. He’s a shy guy who has a crush on a black girl a work and is pretty nervous about approaching her. This is a good one because it goes a bit into the mind of a shy guy.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog.